GRANBLUE FANTASY: RELINK IS A SIDEQUEST

I remember when they first revealed this game back in like...what? 2018? I remember seeing a "cool knight lady" sauntering around a colorful, richly stylistic fantasy town built atop a sky island. My interest was piqued. Classic-style JRPGs had been in a downward death spiral. FFXV was a sloppy, albeit charming, unfinished game that was developed to be on better hardware. The Tales Series was...the Tales Series. Bravely Default was "fine". So when I ALSO learned that Nobuo Uematsu was coming out of retirement just to do the score for Granblue Fantasy: Relink, I thought to myself, "This is it. This is going to be the revival of the genre in a big way".

Well. It is and isn't. And I'd like to say that playing this game had the good fortune of coming after I shelved Tales of Arise (on account of feeling my IQ dropping to Mariana-trench depths while playing. More bland shonen-ery). However, Granblue Fantasy: Relink had the misfortune of being played before Dragon's Dogma 2. I guess what I mean to say is that sequence of games sort of represents my thoughts of Granblue Fantasy: Relink being stuck in some bizarre, middling purgatory realm.

I cannot deny that the art design is gorgeous. It told Bravely Default to hold its ale. The water color-esque textures, the character art in the menus, the visual effects of each character's combat abilities--divine. Although generic NPCs look like they're straight out of an early PS2 game. No joke, they might actually look and be more poorly animated than Final Fantasy X NPCs.

Combat is action oriented with a strong focus on differing mechanics between the large cast of heroes you can control. Think Kingdom Hearts meets Overwatch. I had a lot of fun mastering Narmaya's butterfly stances just as much as I did Zeta's Dragoon-like combo aerials. And the boss fights were very fun. In past reviews of modern shit JRPGs (Xenoblade Chronicles 3 and Final Fantasy XVI), I had said on multiple occasions that I think the bosses would benefit greatly from attacks with movement tells, clear multiphase attack patterns, and puzzle gimmicks. More in-line with the likes of Final Fantasy XIV (the MMO). Granblue Fantasy: Relink devs must have DEFINITELY read my reviews and incorporated all of these elements and then some.

The story, however, is an element at war with itself. It's a fun sky swashbuckler featuring a rogue's gallery of (already well-acquainted) allies. But the protagonist super sucks. I couldn't wait to get them out of my party for the postgame. They were a perfect reflection of the biggest core question I had while engaging with the plot: who is this made for? Is this a kid's game? The story is awfully gaunt and goofy in a dumb way...not a fun way. It has a mascot character whose VA I have nothing by pity for because that putrid little lizard thing is probably my least favorite videogame character of all time. AND YOU CANNOT GET RID OF HIM. And yet...the 15 or so year old protagonist is surrounded by a bunch of adults who are, extremely obviously, much cooler than them. I understand they had to stick with the previous games/anime by having Gran/Djeeta leading the team. But golly jee whiz...Katalina is obviously the better main character. Hell, even Rackham. In a better world, Rosetta would have banished those kid fucks to the thorn dimension before becoming obsequious to their foolish whims. Get these goddamn super children outta here and make way for the hot and powerful adults. Their personalities and dialogue are better. They are more fun to play. And they don't have the literal worst video game character of all time spitting "jokes" at them and ruining every single moment of tension in the story.

That's the crux of the issue here. It suffers the same disease as the MCU films. It favors (very stupid) levity over drama. I actually screamed when the lizard fuck shouted "Giver her back, buttface!" at the very cool antagonist as she totally wrecked our shit.

A lot of this can be attributed to the fact that, for all intents and purposes, Granblue Fantasy: Relink is a side story. They've been building these characters, this story, and the world for a very, very long time via mobile games and a brief anime. Because of that, it really does feel like a spinoff movie at best. The stakes just aren't really there. And more importantly, while unique, it is a dramatic hinderance that all of your crew has already had their respective arcs and have completely bonded with one another. They have no development outside of their little (very minimalist) comic book side stories. Which admittedly exist solely as exposition to tell you why they know each other.

But I do have some respect fo CyGames for turning what was an EXTREMELY lucrative mobile game franchise into a "proper" JRPG. It even retains the gacha elements for unlocking new characters without any real money transactions. It's all done with in-game currency that is drip-fed to you via the story and postgame (which, by the way, is when the actual game starts).

Look. The core elements are here. Fast-paced action with RPG elements. Fantastic art. Gorgeous music. A fun and semi-unique world. This franchise has a LOT of potential for future installments. But I'm afraid CyGames won't take the risks of doing what really needs to be done: get a new crew and a new protagonist. And commit to a story that isn't one made "definitely" specifically for children. One that can be appreciated by all age demographics. You know...like the Final Fantasy games of yore.

Thankfully, this painfully mid campaign clocked in at under 20 hours. And that alone is something to be praised as Xenoblade Chronicles 3 wasted 100+ hours of my goddamn life.

But I have to dock it severely for the fucking eldritch mascot horror. I hope one day it will be incinerated in a hellfire related "accident".