Shelly “Bombshell” Harrison earned her nickname as a bomb disposal expert for the Global Defense Force. When transhumanist cult mastermind Dr. Jadus Heskel unleashes a cybernetic army on Neo DC, Shelly decides it’s time to start chucking bombs rather than diffusing them.

Her journey will leave trails of blood and gore in huge, multi-path levels filled with those famous colorful keycards and plenty of secrets and Easter Eggs to discover behind every corner. There’s also no regenerating health here, so stop taking cover and start running and gunning. Honestly, Ion Maiden should probably come out on three hundred floppy disks.

Shelly’s quest to take down Dr. Heskel’s army will see her use an arsenal of weapons, all with alternate fire modes or different ammo types. Her signature revolver, Loverboy, brings enemies pain and players pleasure with single shots, or Shelly can fan the hammer Old West style. Shotguns are fun, but tossing grenades down their barrels and firing explosive rounds is even better. Bowling Bombs are just as violent and over-the-top as one would hope.

Ion Maiden laughs at the idea of constant checkpoints and straight paths through shooting galleries. But just because this is a true old-school first-person shooter doesn’t mean there won’t be all the good new stuff the last two decades have brought. Headshots? Hell yeah. More physics and interactivity? You betcha. Widescreen, controller support, and Auto Saves? 3D Realms and Voidpoint took the best of both worlds and cooked it all into a bloody stew.