Just quit my gig at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza
And I'm starting over fresh, hello neighbor, nice to meet ya (let's go)
Picked up a new job and the pay is good
So I got relocated to this neighborhood
Can't say if I'll stay for good
But I love how quaint and safe it looks
Just moved in so I'd better unpack
If I leave a mess a neighbor might get on my back
"Clean up your yard!"
Get inside, check that off
Power, lights, better get 'em on
Haul these boxes off of my lawn
Put 'em in my little house where all of 'em belong
Guess the checklist is already done
Was that a car crash? What's going on?
Who's that, across the street?
A strange man I ought to greet
Just hope he's not another freak
On second thought, I'll leave
And try my best to go off to sleep
But why would he lock the basement door?
Then board it up with a two by four?
What's he up to? I can't ignore
I wonder what the rubber gloves are for
I'd like to find out what he's hiding (woops)
Won't be the last time he's caught me spying
I'm only running for the exercise
I swear to god I'm not terrified
I've got suspicions but I don't know why
Should I go say hello?
Or should I just say goodbye?
I'm really not a nosy person, I swear
Just let me poke around your house, and I'll get out of your hair
Curiosity killed the cat
But I'll be next, I can promise that
Keep my head down while I'm creeping
He was in the kitchen, how'd he see me?
Sorry neighbor, just passing by
Beautiful day we're having, right?
Just minding my own business
I'm definitely on his shit list
Screw this, what the hell?
I'll just go introduce myself
Walk up to the door, ring the bell
We could be pals, that'd be swell
Just woke up in my bed
With a pain in my neck and an ache in my head
Look at the bright side, I'm not dead
I should move out, that would make sense
(Eh) Or I could try again
What a mess, total disorder
This house could be in an episode of hoarders
Shhhh, he's not gonna find me
Oh god, is he right behind me?
(Yup)
I'll just hide until he walks away
Normally I suck at cardio but not today
I'm only running for the exercise
I swear to god I'm not terrified
I'm going home to get some rest tonight
I know we just said hello
But now I'm saying goodbye
It's a demented freakshow that I've gotten lost in
There's probably skeletons locked in closets
With deep dark secrets that a shark is guardin'
If he invites you to a pool party, you should probably not swim (nope)
This guy's a circus clown
But I'm not a kid to toy with
Next time you drink your milk
Careful, it might be poisoned
Okay, this has gone too far
I'm breaking in his window with a crowbar?
Every step I take, there's a camera watchin'
So logically, I'll just pick his pocket
Too many tools and keys to keep track
Ah! F-, a bear trap!
Can't I have one normal day
Without a wannabe Norman Bates?
Talk about mommy problems
I don't wanna judge, but he's probably got 'em
A man with a mannequin family?
Don't you dare put your filthy hands on me
I thought he was long past his prime
But his sprint is just as fast as mine
Must be a lotta exercise
When you get a new neighbor to terrorize
He's predicting my every move
Screw this, I'll go in through the roof
Since he's got every exit covered
If I'm not careful, I'll be six feet under
Lost in a funhouse, but it's not any fun
Time to stop his evil plot with a shot from my gun
You've gotta be kidding. Now I've gotta run!
I'm only running for the exercise
I swear to god I'm not terrified
Flip the power, cut the lights and hide
I know we just said hello
But now I'm going to die!

Continuing with my list of "bad games", I have just finished this and... wtf was that.

How is anyone supposed to complete this without outside help? Some of the solutions are so out there specially nearing the end.

Even with a walkthrough my time with Hello Neighbor was painful. The controls, the physics, the storytelling, the graphics, the puzzle design, nearly everything was painful. I can see it was a good concept, trying to sneak into a house, with an enemy AI that dynamically tries to stop you. In-game this essentially boils down to the neighbor placing beartraps and cameras in places where you broke in, and going to places he heard noise.

God the controls are terrible. Interacting with any object is not something that you can do quickly. Platforming feels bad in first person, and either landing on a small surface or trying to fall down into a hole makes you jerk around in place. Collision is weird and objects (including the neighbor) can get stuck in walls or get launched at high speeds. This happens all the time, out of nowhere.

I went for the platinum because I hate myself, so I did some extra optional stuff. There's 3 challenges that give you special powers (I believe these are optional, although I don't know how tf anyone would be able to beat the last chapter without double jump or invisibility) these challenges SUUUUCK and each one highlights the worst parts of the game.
-One asks you to place 5 objects in a shopping cart... most of the time these objects will bounce around and land on the floor, meanwhile you have a time limit and a bunch of mannequins coming for you.
-Another challenge has you hiding in lockers, this one highlights the awful interact button, which will fail most of the time when you quickly try to run and get inside the next locker. Also the enemies will either immediately get you or they will get stuck, no in-between.
-The last challenge will have you platforming to ascend to a high place. This was the easiest but each time you make a high jump you have to pray you actually land where you want.

So, the gameplay sucks thanks to the janky controls and collision, and you don't know what to do or where to go thanks to the game being cryptic and obtuse with what you can actually interact with. Even if you pull through, either with a guide or by trying absolutely everything, your "reward" is the next weird looking cutscene. This game's approach to storytelling is leaving clues all over the game and implying that what you see may or may not mean something deeper. I guess it's to encourage you to theorize what the game is even about. I just watched a yt video explaining the story.

Even 100%ing the game didn't felt rewarding. It's not even challenging, just tedious. Half of the achievements are for reaching the secret area that allows you to clip out of bounds.

I tried to have an open mind. I even like stealth games and I'm fine with where-the-fuck-do-I-go games but this was too much.

What a trainwreck.

Hello Neighbor is a game that tries to convey deeper themes but falls short due to its frustrating gameplay and lack of direction. The premise of sneaking into your neighbor's house to uncover secrets has potential, but the execution leaves much to be desired.

The game's attempt to be a metaphor for life, urging players to "go outside and touch grass," feels forced and disconnected from the actual gameplay experience. While the idea of exploring a suburban neighborhood and interacting with neighbors could have been intriguing, the game fails to deliver on this promise.

One of the biggest issues with Hello Neighbor is its lack of meaningful activities inside the house. Once you've entered the neighbor's home, there's little to do beyond aimlessly wandering and trying to avoid detection. This lack of engaging gameplay makes it difficult to stay invested in the experience.

Furthermore, the game's commentary on capitalism and suburban life feels superficial and underdeveloped. While there are hints of social commentary, they are not explored in a meaningful way, leaving the player with a sense of missed opportunity.

Overall, Hello Neighbor is a game that falls short of its ambitious goals. While it has some interesting ideas, they are not realized in a way that makes for a compelling gameplay experience. If you're looking for a game with deep themes and engaging gameplay, you're better off looking elsewhere.

Score: 2/10