Trust & believe in the sheer industrial might of Ubisoft Triple-A to cram a city builda to the gills with enough varied emergent content adorned wiv absolutely luscious presentation that I forget that I'm essentially doing admin. A blossoming orchard of production lines to soothe da soule. feel the breeze on ur skin, it gives u +50% employee morale. feel the grass on ur bare feet - it has a City Attractiveness Bonus 🥰

Left my shit cooked and crooked. An emotionally devastating arcade arena shooter that is exploding from the pores with care & attention in its craft of gameplay & story. Feelin my soul blossom from one of the most nutrient-rich character studies I've experienced from a game in syuch a long while -
Played on MAME

Shadow of da Colossus, u mighta heard of her. I replay this game every few years to see if it """holds up""", but it's just an excuse to slip into the fold and experience 1nce more this utterly beautifu faded picturebook from an era when Sense Of Scale in videogames wasn't a waypoint red flag.

pure, crisp & warm. lingers long after the final chord has sounded.

Dragdog is the dude who slaps the top of the doorframe whenever he enters a room. The duke could stand to commission some new farcking enemies, but this oftentimes skeletal proof of concept is more engaging & confident than most who call themselves fully-fledged!!!!!

Want to give the dev a big wet sloppy kiss for having the chutzpah to release a horror title without a fucking jumpscare. this man is not a coward.

Managed to play this in a perfect little airtight bubble where I was completely & utterly blind to it and it elevated my experience so high it was dizzying lol. Really great little thing. Please shove it in front of people w/ no pretence.

Pretty great season honestly. The Italo map is up there with the strongest the game has ever had, I don't even mind that I'm playing it on max settings and hitting 40fps because it's worth the lumens. The medallions are cool because they’re something of a bluffing game. Is this dude carrying the medallions around because he’s a huge badass who can handle multiple players knowing where he is on the map, or is he just an incompetent iPad 9 year old being kept alive by the stock market value of Peter Griffin Coin. I know the additions of Rocket Racing, Lego Fortnite & Festival are technically counted as entirely new standalone games but it's funnier to consider them as just little distractions/cooldowns for after you and your friends have wrapped up a Battle Royale sesh. Like when it comes down to it the Harmonix skeleton crew created a gamemode that is no better than an Only Up obstacle course map. Rly fun, I've been strapped into the Tim Sweeney metaverse electric chair since 2017 and I don't see myself breaking free any time soon, why should I when the Butter Barn's got butter plate specials that'll treat ya right?

the ultimate me & who

Beneath a fading silver sky, I found myself locked in a timeless dance of catch with a stranger.

Good +30

Our hands connected across the expansive field through the shared rhythm of a baseball's flight, while our hearts bridged the chasm of anonymity with every gentle toss.

Good +30

Amidst the soft thud of catch, we listened heartfully to stories that spilled like fragments of a soul's journey.

Normal +20

Each throw, a moment shared, a piece of the intricate mosaic of their life.

Perfect! +50

Completely captures the feeling of a fantranslated PS2 adaptation of a forgotten 90's shoujo manga. Almost dizzyingly textured & artisanal in its devotion to presenting this kind of rose-thorny traditional German folktale. Feels so genuine, inspired, fully realised in a way I desperately needed as a palette cleanser.

It’s all just nice, the visual direction is utterly astounding, and is the most blown away I’ve been by sheer artistry in a videogame in a very long time, the shader programmers were spinning in their chairs like the tasmanian devil on this one.

Kind of adopts this jovial haunted house ride approach. It is so densely packed with spectacle. Unique, snappy little sequences and spooky flourishes around practically every corner, finding new ways to disarm the player with scares that are oftentimes hilariously blunt, and occasionally wildly forward-thinking (for 2010) or subtle. Granted, it’s never scary in the genuinely affecting sense, but I am utterly endeared by its desperately eager-to-please sensibility of packing the short runtime to the gills with as much as it can get away with while maintaining a decent sense of pace. It will make you laugh & it will make you laugh & it will make u think.

Such a radiant dedication to capturing the essence of the Simpsons Throwaway Gag I couldn't help but beam a big smile thru-out the tenminute runtime :) Really kind of incredibly well-thought, trenchant game dezign!!!!

Surprisingly cutting at points, you really don't expect to be emotionally challenged by a Buzzfeed quiz.

Wow kind of loved this. One of those plinky ploinky IcoXJourney type games that actually manages to completely seal the deal with some genuinely astounding world design that compliments the character movement. This laser focus on the goal of verticality and the notches inbetween - tactile, weighty, arduous toil as you use your climbing gear to best the challenges the geometry imposes. Gushing with a sense of true scale, milestoned by countless opportunities to pan the camera back at the places you’ve come from and the mountaineering feats you’ve cleared. Dense and well-considered little pockets of civilisation in between crumbling pathways and inclines, full of the kind of coastal town fishery imagery I am a cow for. Beautiful and breathless game imo. Shame it undoes itself with all of these collectables and wordy diary entries that explain away the superlunary mystery of da world, although I’m fickle enough to kind of think I’d have given them a pass if the font choice was more diegetic lol.
Jusant is 1 for da perverts who blush at the Google Image Search: “Abandoned Crab Traps stacked rly high”.

Had the opportunity to have played this in a vc with a pal who knew the script and could translate the play by play for me, and it was a wonderful experience. Easy new all timer ps1 game, I seriously hope it gets fantranslation treatment eventually.

Game's a beaut! With courteous thanks to how easy it is to fall into builds that turn enemies into drywall it kind of eliminated all concerns I had about spending more time diagnosing my mech in the equipment menu than actually playing the game. Moreover, the straight-from-the-tap gameplay delivery system of a farcking mission select screen, it’s so lean and mean in a way I had long since given up on the idea of FromSoft ever going for. This is sincerely the happiest I've been about a From offering since Dark 1.

Chai as the white blood cells rushing in to aid the rusty nail I stepped in (Viola from Bayo 3). A musical game where I don't like any of the music, tragique!!!! I'm awash by the production quality here in every sense, that synced-to-da-beat action combat we've all dreamed of, crazy good art design & character animation that hits those Sly Cooper notes, and legitimately funny writing that felt so 90's Dreamworks or something. Fun & intoxicatingly energetic but the gas wasn't in it for me, not sure what music I even like any more these days. Greentea Peng rhythm action?

So close to hitting CH3S4 Paradise notes but the map is kind of dead outside of Mega City and the new Jungle biome, which is so fun & pretty its just like you deer reader. Movement options crazy fun this time around I adore the verticality

Does some Intelligent Sequel Shit I've never seen before, albeit the foundation isn't quite as strong as the original. The children yearn for the sea.

!!! Adorable wtf! Incredibly inventive and expressive little social puzzler. Cutest sprites ive ever seen in one .rom

A full game of the bit in Half Life 1 before you get the gun. Finnish Excellence.

Pushing up there with the quality and quantity of shmovement tools & weapons to facilitate every match into being downright bombastic. The main thing holding this early chapter period back is in its map biodiversity, there's just not a lot going on with this island and you can't use the grind rails to trick me into thinking that there is.

Upgraded my fish's wisdom and travelled to the depths of the ocean to find God. Very funny very beautiful very inventive 🐟🦎🙍‍♂️👾

Very confident in the direction of this new chapter, this was a solid foundation. I'm a nanite and lumen slut now.

Found it hard to rly fall in love with Liza P because it wields its concept and reference stack way too comfortably. Sure it does well in tackling QoL potholes in the real Souls outings but it follows the broad strokes so dogmatically that it... feels too TK Maxx for me. I don;t kno.

🧑‍🤝‍🧑👬👭👫🧑‍🤝‍🧑👬👭👫🧑‍🤝‍🧑👬👭👫
🧑‍🤝‍🧑👬👭👫🧑‍🤝‍🧑👬👭👫🧑‍🤝‍🧑👬👭👫
🧑‍🤝‍🧑👬👭👫🧑‍🤝‍🧑👬👭👫🧑‍🤝‍🧑👬👭👫
🧑‍🤝‍🧑👬👭👫🧑‍🤝‍🧑👬👭👫🧑‍🤝‍🧑👬👭👫🐕

I get a lot of well-deserved flak for being a miseryguts w/rt the quality of the NES library, so whenever i hit up a title that is as bustlin with mojo as splattahouse wanpaku graffiti i lose my nut. really charmin, and with some actual slapstick comedy chops!!!

Some of my favourite things HL1 has to offer, in an adowable bitesized little demo. I simply adore this gigafacility built out of meringues and drywall. Even as a Valve Oldhead I'm still amazed by how much oldass legacy content I've never heard of can still find ways to bubble to the surface. Anyway dis is nice 😊, touches on what I wish HL1 included more of in the way of secret areas & rewards by interacting with the world. Good-humoured and lovely, just like you dear reader x

With great shame, I've always been apathetic to Mario's plight. His journey is a noble one, but I do not see myself in his bings, his bings nor his wahoos. I feel like a cunt rat bastard for giving this Three Succulent Backloggd Stars ⭐⭐⭐ and leaving with the ultimate say that this is "still one of the better Marios" but that's-a my burden, not yours - my paesano in cristo. I pirated and completed the game days ago and earnestly found myself worrying I'd forget I even played it before it released and I could officially log the game on BL.

It's good!!! Honest and true!!! Nice to see what felt like notes of 3D World in here with the little rosary bead structure and rhythm of each level having their own little wonder flower acting as an F5 button, refreshing the level's objective into a unique blink-and-you'll-miss-it sleight of hand trick. It keeps u guessing but only so much. It's still Mario, it's still the charisma of a cereal box free toy, but credit where it's due - the soundtrack is nice and they did a great job in shuffling the artstyle up into representing illustrative 3D. Not losing my nut over this but it's nice to see some sparks of personality rattling around behind mario's shark eyes.

Heard the very first spoken line & knew immediately that the first move would be to tune to voice audio down to Zero. Shut da fuck up I just want to putz around in this richly satisfying tech demo for a bit without your Fiverr ass chiming in. A little unfulfilling in how it doesn't feel as though it fully realises its scope, Viewfinder is at its best when you're uncovering recursive secrets within secrets.

Much to my surprise, RayForce ended up being my favourite in this lil trilogy. For as much as the latter two entries gorge themselves on the L8 90's wireframe & jungle aesthetiq I typically love, I was utterly spellbound by the mastery in the pin puppetry carried out in a continuous cruise through RayForce's parallaxed spritework. It's always so genuinely uplifting to me to see artistry completely show up technological advancement. never need to see a polygon again.

Prior Love-de-Lic staffers bring the gang back together to iterate on their beloved classic PS1 title: Xingiskan. Incredibly cute & addicting in a very Adobe Shockwave kind of way.

Within all of us is a 2014 White Girl Instagram Feed just waiting 2 esxape.

Absolutely spellbound by this mod’s lofty creative and narrative ambitions. They’ve done a frankly brilliant job at realising a Central Asian post-Soviet locale in a world embittered by HL2’s Combine forces, ideologically split resistance forces and an MC with a hilariously unfortunate concussion.

Cocoon constantly hints and nudges at and scratches the surface of the potential in its mindbending matryoshka doll of recursive worlds but it never really gets there!! Absolutely fucking ghasping for an a-hah! moment that never comes because it's kind of too easy and restrained. Shame.,., Bwoomfy atmosphere and soundskape gets me weak at the knees though

A bit of a shoe-in for all of Nizakashii's games, which I slammed in one straight afternoon. Dude's onto something, he knows something he shouldn't, and he's honing his craft , mastering the blueprints to the Dagger That Can Kill God. One to watch out for. Keepe Eyes Peeled!!!!

Wish to God I liked this as much as my danmaku connoisseur peers, but I mostly just found this to be a solid little spectacle shooter that didn't knock my socks off. Amazing music & vibes though, esp for the time!!!

ok this is good but demands way too much time & effort than i can afford for what i'm noticing to be steadily decreasing levels of popoff. not enjoying the direction things r going and will in all honesty probably just call it quits here.

Despite some abso luxurious artwork and presentation here I'm left a little dry. One of the problems I keep running into w/ the princessmaker genre is in how little these games do to offer emergent expressions of lifegoal improv, i guess? Like once your child hits their middle age (13), you probably already have a ""build"" in mind, a desired outcome you're beelining to - in the form of hammering the same handfuls of classes or extracurricular activities to pump cold and unfeeling stats & numbers up. As funny as it is to have a scrunkly faildaughter, the game doesn't react to it in any holistic or meaningful way - low stats means fewer doors open to you.
And there's nothing else to it, really - the cast here are a little charming and it's heartwarming to watch your lilbabie fill her boots in the vocation of your choice; but when the artifice falls out from under me i realise i've spent days clicking the same buttons, watching the same animations, hoping to increase my chances where I get an ending screen akin to whatever da hell I want my daughter's job to be.

O the disparity between how beautiful this is and how much I don't enjoy playing it!!!! Thrillhouse'd to the gills but not ultimately my thing.

like tapping on the glass to make the most stunning fish i've ever seen wiggle a bit. unblinking eyes im not convinced are alive. shrugg!!!! at least dis aquarium is playing the choons

The little visual powerhouse dat could. Has enough unique flourishes to contribute to the frankly desolate pseudo-ps1 atmo horror genre that elevate it above it(ch)'s contemporaries, but what really helped drive this home for me was in the sound design & some degree of personal Right Place Right Time w/rt it's story.

Spins the Mirredge formula into a player retention hamster wheel of jiggies and scrimblos, the kind of things I loved the original game for NOT having - but it's still pretty fyun!!! So long as you skip all the cutscenes and ignore the side content, Catalyst is buttery smooth & full of bombast. Shame it's so farcking ugly though.

once you reach 100 hours in TOTK you're officially a woman in stem

I won’t delude myself into thinking that there is a whole lot of value in Day Zero analysis or critique for a game as ‘important’ as this. A title that will without a doubt embolden countless youtube essayists to exalt the virtues of to the tune of low-fi music and the starry-eyed narrated cadence of a bedtime story for years to come. As was the case with Breath of the Wild, this is a game that will get picked apart by minds far greater than my own to degrees so extensive I can’t help but find off-putting. I’m also too worried to actually dedicate my full thoughts to writing because Nintendo mythologists are desperately unhinged and I don’t have the energy to withstand the brunt callus commenting firepower of a 16 year old with Rance in their Top 5 Games. I WISH I was the type of normal, healthy, person who climbed over the crest of a hill and saw a cool vista and buckled to their knees in tears, overwhelmed by the sheer beauty and naturalist emergence of the interlocking systems - but I just see gm_construct with ball in cup puzzles.

I’ll come out of the gate swinging and admit that I wholeheartedly believe that Tears of the Kingdom is a very good game. It’s great imo. I like it a whole lot better than Breath of the WIld…. But I was sadly not keen on Breath of the Wild in the first place, on a level so fundamental that this souped up expansion pack could honestly never fully resolve - none of which are reasons that extend further than my own personal neuroses. With Zelda careening away from the smaller-scale, curated and directorial nature, it overcorrects into embracing the chaos of ~emergent gameplay~. I can’t help but think that this would be better in a smaller package… does this NEED to be a grotesquely huge map? It’s desolate!!! Barren stretches of fuckall inbetween Ubisoft’s home recipe of towers and bandit camps and caves. It’s this almost insidious, overly-compulsive kind of world design where you’re never more than a 30º camera turn from another point of interest to find an opal in. While, yes, you can create a plethora of hilarious contraptions - square off against enemies in a litany of wildly expressive synergies that are as easy to discover as they are to exploit… I feel that the map’s scale outweighs its mechanical depth. Are you really creating Mad Max war rigs when getting your fiftieth Bubal Gem? You’re probably taking the path of least resistance, or at least I certainly was, when the game’s burgeoning checklists became the real looming threat to Hyrule.

This is where I admit, once again, that this is all on me. I know that BotW and TotK are primarily freeform games, all about the player choosing what to do, and what not to do. I know countless people who think positively of BotW, and even still dropped the title before they even fought Ganon because they had their fill & were satisfied. My issue is that I find very little here to be satisfying outside of the rapidly diminishing returns of mechanical revelation. I rarely get anything out of this game when I'm not in a shrine, having a stark challenge imposed onto me, with unique rules, restrictions, and scant resources afforded to me. I love Frameworks.

This iteration of Hyrule is so bereft of charisma; quiet and lonely, I just find it painfully dull. FIVE Sages follow you around, but there isn't a single line of flavour text between them? Would it kill you to have a 'hey, listen'. A crawl in between the nuggets of gold where an NPC acknowledges my efforts and rewards me with a questline or scenario that extends further than 'kill this swarm of moblins’ or ‘go and bring me x item’. Intent is definitely in question here because [the majority of the mook NPCs in this game are literally just Miis.]( https://www.polygon.com/2021/1/5/22215263/breath-of-the-wild-npcs-are-miis-nintendo-legend-of-zelda-switch). An economical decision for sure, but one that had to be made in order to populate such a vast world - whereas before, the cast and crew of Hyrule would be packed with uniquely designed and conceptualized goons. It’s the kind of flavour I crave from a game. Fuckall new outfits, too, which is a shame because I just wanted to dress Link up.

I waited too long to write a blurb for my experience with Yakuza 4 here and I'm. Actually drawing a complete blank. I have nothing. This game is incredibly charismatic but it has so little to say to me, the way it plods around and deflates whatever intrigue or tension it can generate is so crushing imo. Taiga Saejima's the man at least.

https://twitter.com/rodneyote/status/1739264145973973118

Perfect colour palette

Pretty nice colour palette

There's a spark in here that promises more than it delivers but I want to nourish & nurture it until the debt is paid. It really is a few adjustments away from something I'd luvv, but Exoprimal finds itself utterly lost at sea in an attempt to copy the other Games As A Service bigboys. With more of a focus on co-op boss battles and the large scale PvE encounters it fitfully teases u with, there'd be something here. I think the most gutting thing is knowing that it's a GaaS title with "Content Coming Soon" which I can very safely and sagely forecast just means "we didn't receive enough battle pass subscriptions for season 1, & have decided to terminate service before we even get the chance to add content that really lets the strengths of the gameplay shine". Annoying that they came so close but I liked what it offers.

A comedy board game about getting a gf. Nothing crazy, but the art is very charming. https://i.imgur.com/KcvQAUZ.png

I am, regrettably, the target audience for Fortnite OG. Having played the game pretty consistently since Season 2, it's embarrassing how many genuine nostalgic pangs this season evoked in me. Seeing all of these weird Tim Burton assets from before the game's artstyle was fully codified, the map changes and shifts re-occur in fast-forward. I'd explore the map and salute at memorable locations to my fallen comrades (friends I partied up with who got bored of the game in 2018). A fun excursion into early meta, and thankfully only a brief one - the game at it's current modern state is leagues better than what the initial map could offer.

Undertale's secret formula was that it was crafted out of nothing by a team of multi-talented artists with diverse backgrounds and influences coming together to form the ultimate passion project. A game so undeniably successful in achieving what it aimed to evoke that it added a new layer to the entire medium's troposphere.

It's almost surreal to play a game following Undertale's design bible so dogmatically after playing a healthy handful of liberally-inspired but completely separate titles released over the past near-decade. Undertale Yellow is Just Undertale..... but without the architects who made Undertale. I just don’t think it’s quite there, but it’s so similar it gives me so much pause lol.
Personally speaking, I just think the dialogue is off, that the music is off, the jokes are off, the bullet-dodging minigames and the way they synergise feels off. The highs and lows in the narrative, the character designs and their arcs; the gaffs, it all feels as though it's here out of obligation. Tracing the steps of the original game but with enough synonymic changes to fool the homework copying checker. Not to say it isn’t genuinely affecting at points, though; I felt a certain way at events in the Pacifist run.

This is obviously a very mean way to approach fangames. If you love something u should be allowed to bring ur headcanons to life. What the team behind Undertale Yellow accomplished here is genuinely impressive and they should be proud as fuck honestly - it manages to cover much of Undertale's core goals by way of having three whole routes replete with variable content, secrets and dialogue. The star of the game for me was in the character animation work, the sheer amount of frames packed into events small and large. Yellow uses Undertale’s battle screen, but the boss battles are absolutely loaded with character and background animations, lending a surprising amount of dynamism. I particularly like how they went out of their way to animate the main character at points on the overworld - allowing them to actually act out and interact with other members of the cast rather than just implying it through a text box.

One of the best games on the PS2 that lets you hold R2 to accelerate into the finish line. Surprising amount of style in this UI btw.

This is preddy cool! The hispeed hiscore verve smacks of the the kinds of the shrimple games (a-la Warning Forever) I'd be able to cram on my 1Gb USB memory stick alongside my powerpoints w/ too many .pngs and Flash games about popping balloons for me to play during Computa Class

Earnest contender for top five funniest MCs.

A sapphic love letter - a daisy chain of vignettes that offer glimpses into other creative and influential media powerhouses, metered out by the task of juggling keys and receptacles in limited inventory slots across a vast steel complex. Too much busywork for its weight in silver. This search for lost love where ur body is weighed down by deprivations of liberty and soul rings so hollow when it's so clockable under a very narrow scope of media that strikes the same chimes so much better, to me. More to the point I think I'm just too depressed to find any spark in this. Since I've been resorting to it recently, the flashes of self-harm imagery just piss me the fuck off.
Signalis a visual juggernaut that can dole out amazing one-two punches of sight and sound when it wants to, but the genre darling glazing is too sickly for my blood, I'd roll my eyes at practically every cutscene calling to something in the creator's Anilist Previously Watched stack. Not for me sorry.

For as much as StarBlade really is a wildly impressive-for-its-time tech and artistry showcase of real-time 3D graphics and fast-paced shmup action, it manages to mostly be a languid traipse thru the solid colour cosmos. The wiki says that this game influenced Rez through broken citations, and I'd believe it - some of StarBlade's bosses and setpieces show up there practically wholesale!!!

A profoundly serviceable doujin shmup, has a few very funny little flourishes that make it worth playing I spose!!!!. https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1053006184614985779/1073557190545244180/image.png

Replayed Control on my journey of gaslighting myself into thinking I wanted to play Alan Wake 2. Holds up so poorly on replay it's almost insane. Control on round 2 finds itself well beyond the point where the artifice of the admittedly intoxicating, admittedly lusciously-realised setting falls out from under me to reveal how all that's left is a middling thirdpersonsh00ta with a network of collectable wikia stickynotes everywhere. Stellar visual design kind of pissed down the river in favour of forgettable SCP entries being implemented in the most blunt way possible.


Anyway the replay allowed me to experience the AWE expansion content for the first time! It was honestly akin to powerdrilling into my ears and eyes. Wall to wall Twin Peaks: The Return gawk gawk 9000. I know Remedy is all about gorging on pastiche pasties but it's a bit too sickly for me how heavily it glazes up tentpole media. I wouldn't be surprised if Alan Wake 2 had the Akira Slide.

Da flop era begins. What the fwuck is this new UI, what the fwuck is the deal with this atrocious optimisation. I sincerely hope they don't spiral too far into the Robloxification rabbit hole and forget about the humble little urchins who love a laff in the Zero Build ballpit. Need to meet the toesuckers who, with an unlimited budget and workforce behind them - choose to create the dullest and least inspiring array of battlepass rewards imaginable.

It gives me No Pleasure to throw a Garmentdistrict game so low down this list, but Heart of the Killer felt like this wonderful little series finding the autopilot button. It just didn't really have anything - missing much of the creative flourishes it's been uplifting to see the titles become increasingly confident in demonstrating, and there is a kind of floozy lack of clarity in the concept that basically nothing happens. The tldr is that: this is the first ...of the Killer game that didn't make me lol and i'm not coping verrie well 😔

The unenviable task of developing a "revamped and remade version of Princess Maker 2" by truncating PM2 PC's filesize from 50mb to a Super Famicom cartridge's 4mb laid waste to all manner of content and the sloppy debugging is riddled with bulletholes as a result. Even though the presentation here is kind of lovely, I adore the animations for events and the new cast and artwork, this is a game about reaching into the fold and pulling out 50,000 gold coins and a marriage event flag you never asked for.

Some flashes of cool in here in the music & boss design but the majority of the game is this guttingly low charisma third person tanker.

Kind of a desolate arcade racing game about turning through sheer right angles. Basically a game for people who're really into 90's Euro compact cars which is honestly really cute. The star of the show here really is the ingame radio that is packed to the gills with cute little ads and hilarious songs. What happened here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_eGcCdXNAtI

Genuinely doesn't feel as though I'm American enough for this. Cute & gorgeous little lighting showcase with cool setpieces but it spends too much time thumbing through its rolodex of tentpole horror influences to actually excite w/ its narrative, nor its flat encounter design replete with an entire One enemy type. Cutscene direction is particularly bad here, I'm sure the excuse is that it's evoking the Stephen King TV adaptations of yore where the performing cast were Canadians speaking English for presumably the very first time, but it just sounds and tracks like shit

Won my first match and immediately uninstalled. Competent shooter and everything but my senses have been honed after nearly a decade of watching these little f2p services-that-could come and go. I can practically see the death clock looming over its launch shortcut. Servers will close on 08/11/2024. Screenshot this.

At its best when you're peeling apart a truck to free some giant fish and at its worst when you're releasing some respectfully-rendered half-nude 15-year-old from a tube. Qix is hard to fuck up but the lack of freeform cutting in Dancing Eyes makes it syoo farcking boring.

i wuvv mass surveillance i epically heart da powice state - Peter "Being Homeless is a choice" Parker.

Desolate Ubislop no matter how gorgeously the sun bakes the building tiles. What is with this Hannah Barbara Voice acting direction also.

Dunno what 2 say. Slinky game, kinda cute that they tried it!!

Convincing me to care particularly strongly in an any way about vanilla Doom is an uphill battle that sadly can't be won by shuffling assets around & being a little goofy with textures. Turn a light on and have a protein bar, you're anaemic, Doomguy. The boys are worried about u.

my keen scholarly mastery of goldscrc movement tech allows me to rocket to the top of every leaderboard (3 entire people max) with such ease & grace it puts the fear of god into valvesoftware. they dont make bangers like DIS any more because they know what kinds ppl they nurtured, what manner of surfin strafin bunnyhoppin madness they wrought.

I wish I liked Roguelites. I wish I liked Imsims. The two of them combined might as well create mustard gas.

I remembered liking this back when it came out but wow it's kind of bad huh. Someone at Frictional needs to be put to trial for the blurry nausea visual effect these Amnesia games blast you with every five minutes to accompany a slow-walking voice clip segment. Kind of asinine if u ask me.

Like watching stock video clip of a calendar flipping through the days. There's really not much use or point in releasing a JRPG that is Only Okay when the genre has one of the most star-studded pedigrees in the medium imo. Boots that big can't be filled by the skeletal markup of the gatcha hamster wheel. There's production value here, the corners sanded down into a smooth 'QoL' bevel, but it's still just another receptacle for people to pump their wages into - more armour slots to empty their levelling resources into. Honestly insane to me that Hoyoverse, a company as wealthy as the heavens that birthed us, is this fucking uncharitable, insidious, in how content is dolled out. Just download a .iso of literally any other JRPG.

With everything sans the enemy models feeling so astoundingly stock I can hardly find anything artisanal about this I can actually cling to & suckle on for nourishment, and even then, there are only like five? Most striking is the shading filter, but with the barebones Wizardry dungeoncrawling, cardplay, malapropos music and UI, I began to question what assets were prefabs plucked from an asset store or something, which I've learned is the easiest way to completely excise me from immersion or enjoyment of something that is clearly begging 4 it. Freeware can take as many shortcuts as it needs to get a job done but none of this accomplished anything for me :(......... Mushroom guy was cute tho!!!

A tremendously handsome visual novel, illustrated by the talented Aogachou. The character designs are pretty good across the board, but the key art in particular is nothin short of breathtaking and captures that brothers grimm vibe the story is trying to shoot for..

Believe me, I find nothing more boring than technical complaints in a video game review, but if this thing was held together with spit and a dream it'd only be more structurally sound. We're talking 'every launch is a dice roll as to whether or not u'll make it past the intro fmv'-grade craftsmanship here.
There is no save system - the text scroll animation is so agonisingly slow - no skip function - crashes constantly - there is a folder in the game's root titled & i'm not shittin u: "BackUpThisFolder_ButDontShipItWithYourGame" lol. At a certain point you just need to cut your losses and just remake the game in Ren'Py my guy.

Apparently the story and screenplay was by Suzuki Kazunari, one of the writers behind Shin Megami Tensei - and more convincingly "Additional Crew" for a bunch of other shit. He's on the Steam store description looking really funny in a little credit portrait they gave him. I dunno man it's kinda rough, yet another unmarinated dark fairy tale from a twisted mind type beat. A horse has sex with a sleeping 14 year old almost immediately as a tone setter. I can't be fucked with it honestly.

Scratching the back walls of my brain stem trying to prove myself wrong here but I genuinely think this is the first game I actually purchased all year lmao. Sometimes something goes terribly wrong in the lab and what should have really just been a webtoon or something mutates into a game you have to purchase on steampowered dot com. I'll take the fall here I guess, I honestly just squinted and spun around in my desk chair until I thought I was playing DokeV my beloved.
Dreams is Basically Splatoon but worse by every conceivable measure by orders of magnitude it's honestly impressive that they had the fucking nerve in the first place. The way the ink mechanic is replaced with TF2 sprays you just thinly lather the map with like a thin layer of jam on toast. The way I am CONVINCED some of these art assets are AI-generated-but-don't-quote-me-on-that. I think it'll be a hit honestly. Fifty squazillion players. Watch this space. Screenshot this review and show it to me ten years from now and tell me I was wrong.

Wishes it was Rhythm Heaven, but it's just pure shit. Mean-spirited, hideous artwork and languid music & gameplay. Miserable!!! The classroom chalkboard level is kind of cute but one good minigame does not a soul make 😔