A few years ago I made a very funny joke review, and while I still think it's incredibly funny I also think it's important to get my actual thoughts on DMC2 on record. Game sucks. It's a miracle this game got released at all, and for the amount of time they had to make it it's astonishing that there is a beginning, middle and end. But it all sucks to play.

What IS amusing is the amount of reviews by people who really want to be contrarians, but come face-to-face with some true, unfiltered slop. This is when domesticated dogs meet wolves and realize they aren't built for this. This review page might as well have a "TURN BACK, NO SURVIVORS" for anyone who is bold enough to try and play DMC2 and have fun. It's not built for fun, it's not even built for hate, it's built for nothing.

I love the way exploration works here; the refusal to budge on fast travel save for diegetic ox carts, snatching back dark arisen's infinite ferrystone, and stretching the landmass both horizontally and (especially) vertically is wonderful. in many, many ways it's a bigger, slower, denser game, and they did it all while focusing on the most mundane environments devoid of giant theme park attractions bulging from every flat surface

likewise I love the idea of elaborating on the sense of traversal and moving toward a holistic spirit of adventure. deteriorating health ceilings aid attrition and help answer the inherent slime of menu heals, and having campfire rests operate as something of a risk/reward mechanism goes a long way toward giving each journey a greater heft and substance

even something as transparently gamey as designing the map as a network of funnels and chokepoints stippled with smaller threats and crosshatched with bigger ones was very clever; it's all just nouns crashing against nouns as they fire down chutes, but when coupled with the meaty physicality of the game's interactivity it goes a long way toward building up those Big Moments

but the consequence of trash mobs operating as speedbumps means moment-to-moment encounters operate more as filler than anything you could consider independently engaging scenarios. it also means that despite the map being several times larger than gransys it ends up feeling a lot more suffocating due to all the overlapping nouns slamming and interrupting each other without end

I just about luxuriated in the rare opportunities to enjoy brief spells of negative space; I savoured it like one of those FMV steaks. I'd kill for more moments like the arbor or the battleground where I was able to inhabit the world as a pilgrim or wanderer rather than serial wolf slaughterer or battahl sanitation expert, but they're very few and far between

there's no escaping the impenetrable walls of goblins, wolves, harpies, and saurians polluting every inch of the world. the already slender DD bestiary's been ported over nearly 1:1 with about as many additions as subtractions, and between the absurd density and massive landmass the variety ends up looking and feeling significantly worse than it did when it was first pilloried twelve years ago in a notoriously incomplete game

when the Big Moments do happen they're often spectacular, and it's easy to see why the chaotic intersection of AI, systems, and mechanics was prioritized so heavily and centered as the focal point of the entire experience. early on every bridge that breaks behind you, every ogre leaping from city walls, and every gryphon that crushes your ox cart feels huge and spellbinding; the game's at its best when all the moving parts align just right to achieve dynamic simulacrum, leveraging unpredictability to carry encounters well above their station

where that stuff loses me most is in the complete lack of friction. for a game with so many well considered means of drawing tension out of discovery it manages to render most of them meaningless when you're never being properly threatened enough to let them kick in. camping, eating, crafting, consumables, ambushes, and setpieces all take a significant blow from the chronic lack of bite, and it's frustrating to see so much potential go to waste when everything's already set up unbelievably well for success

even if you choose to go it alone, or do as I did and run with a party of two (ida + ozma: wily beastren + weakest creature), it only does so much when every corner of the map has CAPCOM Co., Ltd superpawns and npcs popping out of the ground to aid you unbidden and monsters are all mâché sculptures begging to be stunlocked. where's hard mode? why does it feel like everything DDDA did right got ignored? we just don't know

I'd have been happy if the game yanked a bit of control back with some kinda endgame/post-game dungeon, but there isn't one; there aren't really dungeons in general. in opting for quantity (50+!!) over quality we end up with none of them feeling particularly curated, and none of them having the scope or menace of the everfall, let alone bitterblack. no ur-dragon either, which is just baffling. the entire run from endgame to post-game is a gaping hole where something oughta be but certainly isn't

when I hit credits I felt almost confused, like I'd just been tricked into playing a remake or reboot of the original dragon's dogma that somehow had less material stretched even thinner. I enjoyed what I played for the most part, but the more thought I put into it the more it feels compromised and unfinished in all the exact ways itsuno promised over and over it wouldn't be this time around

there's a lot to love here: stuff like fucked up modular teeth, the sphinx, seeker coin platforming, pawn bullshitting, the dragonsplague, cyclops ragdolls, opaque sidequests, intentional tedium, and routinely bizarre interactions. much of what was good in the past remains good, and even bits that stumble backward generally land someplace close to decent regardless. some of the vocation/gear downgrades aren't to my liking, and there's an odd shallowness that hangs over the experience, but I think I liked it?

I just don't really get it

creating tension requires uncertainty, whether it's about where to go, what to do, what you might stumble into — whatever. it requires that there's some chance you might not make it through the next encounter, you might not have the resources to get to the next safe area, or that your victories might be pyrrhic. there has to be some reason to believe you have something to fear, and that has to be based on something of consequence

lunacid does a few things right, but it lacks that uncertainty. it's too generous, too tidy, and too easy to ever push you out of your comfort zone. despite ostensibly drawing heavily from king's field and shadow tower it lacks the backbone necessary to make a dungeon crawler work. to do these things right you have to be willing to give and take from the player in equal measure, you can't just coddle them

the design should be holistic: each component working in tandem with one another to accomplish the same goal. wear you out. run you down. disorient. disarm. overwhelm. the bread and butter of all these games, regardless of subgenre. combat, attrition, and navigation being individual threats that ebb and flow at different rates, but always in the same direction

this feels like a game where that wasn't considered at all. or if it was, it wasn't considered particularly thoughtfully. everything's weaker than you, and everything loses to kiting. the math is too player favoured, the environments are never leveraged meaningfully, and enemies can't compete with your movement or options. that you'll defeat your opponent is a foregone conclusion; it's practically deterministic. there's no threat of loss, no threat of failure, and no lingering doubt that you might not be prepared for what comes next

naturally this affects attrition because if there's no pushback there's no worry about dwindling resources. status effects could've helped a bit if they didn't disappear on their own, antidotes weren't 6 coins — three snails worth of cash — and bleed wasn't solved by kiting like everything else, but here we are. enemies won't hit you much anyway, so it doesn't really matter, but it's another bizarre decision in a game loaded with them

barely any traps, ambushes, unavoidable enemies, long uncertain treks, environmental damage, or anything. I walk from one pink crystal to another, I tear ass the entire way. I get to choose what enemies I engage with, I get to choose how I engage with them, and I'm always at an advantage. it's bewildering, and while I don't expect this to be some hard bone crunching experience, I do expect a pulse

the interconnected world is neat, and the levels are alright, but with everything inside them being so compromised it's just not enough to maintain my interest. hope king griffith, patches, siegmeyer, the moonlight greatsword, and the titanite demon do ok against the old one without me

love the soundtrakc tho

"These bitches gay"
- Repetitive and obvious
- Spoils the normal ending
- Pushes casuals away from the game

"If you 1cc they kiss I think..."
- Creative and unexpected
- Gives a possible hint of what's to come from the true ending
- Incentivize casuals to attempt a 1cc