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Have you ever felt the saddening passion of loving someone, knowing that in but a few hours you’ll be parted forever?

There’s so much I could talk in-depth about with Tsukihime. The rough art style that detracts not at all from its characters’ iconic charm. The deep world it tries to immerse, sometimes drown you in. Story beats that knocked me off my chair as a kid in the late 2000s. The story of being a fan of this awkward, weighty fan-translated game. The unintentionally comical sex writing and the shocking, off-putting scenes of rape and violation that run through its trunk like fungus on a tree. But none of those explain the feeling I get when a random playlist in the background, gone unnoticed, picks a song from this game. What makes me stop what I’m doing and look up at the sky.

To me, Tsukihime is about impermanence. It is about knowing how easily we lose the things we cherish, and how we act when faced with that knowledge. Whether it’s facing those who’d do anything to avoid their own mortality, or realizing that even timeless figures bleed and hurt. Our protagonist, Shiki, lives an impermanent existence, his life uprooted, his health as fragile as glass, cursed to see the fault lines that live in all things, no matter how powerful they might seem. The thread of his life is intertwined with that of the women of this story, each powerful in their own way, each in some way scarred by a man’s inability to process impermanence. There is no immortality in Tsukihime. There is only false security bought by inflicting loss on others, becoming the thing you fear in the eyes of others. Everything goes away, including the ones you love.

Yet Tsukihime remains a story of love. In each of its routes there will come a time where crisis has drowned the story, where the foe seems unstoppable. There will be a scene where Shiki and his lover somehow snatch a sliver of precious safety amidst this deluge, sometimes no more than a few hours. At no point are they, or you, allowed to forget about the imminent danger. This is a temporary reprieve, coming after a narrow escape and before a doomed last stand with everything on the line. Neither expect to make it unscathed. Even if they do, there’s always something that’ll make their victory short-lived, whether it’s Shiki’s health or the tragedy of his lover or just the nature of the world, but whatever it is they know the face of the end they cannot avert.

In those moments they let their love for each other spill out. They spend their tiny moment of quiet on each other. The music is never joyful in these scenes, but it is gently, warmly sad, tender with anticipated loss. Love is made cruel by impermanence. It would be so much safer, so much more reasonable to keep your distance. But that very same thing makes love so powerful in the moment, allowing you to feel incomparable longing for someone even though they’re right here with you. To choose to feel that pain for a lifetime just to be with them with all your being for just a few more hours.

If you’ve lived through that, then you know what it feels like to wish you could put your entire being out with this person, to make every part of them feel precious in an uncaring world, one last time.

And if you haven’t, Tsukihime might be able to show you what it feels like. I can think of no higher praise than that.

This review contains spoilers

Disco Elysium is a game about radical acts of humanity.

That’s the game in a single mission statement, but if you want the game in an overlong essay, read on: it is almost certainly the most human videogame I’ve ever played. (I would like to say the most human videogame ever made but so many games are made- most less famous than Disco- that may be just a little more human than it.) Of course it is about more than that, but I feel that expresses the core better than anything else. Because whilst Disco Elysium is about radical acts of humanity, it’s also mostly about the everyday mundane human ways we relate to each other.

This essay is about four men, whose ideas and works help me connect with Disco Elysium, help me draw a story out of its texts. I take 5,000 words to do this because I’m verbose. You can skip to the end if you want, where I elaborate on what I mean by “Radical acts of humanity”.

Whenever I play Disco Elysium (three times, which is uncommon), I always think of (at least) the four same men and their ideas. Four real life historical men, unequally influential, equally important, all men because, unfortunately, generations of patriarchal culture do be like that. Let’s look through Disco through the lens of these four fellas.

The first man I think about when I play Disco Elysium is Karl Marx, obviously, who just as obviously founded ‘Marxism’. Marx is already influential on Disco- the developers gave him a shout out during a victory speech at the Game Awards, because Daddy ZA/UM didn’t raise no quitters- but to me, the themes that leap out aren’t the in-universe parallels, but rather how Marxist thoughts inform the world and the game itself.

Marx is famous for writing of the ‘spectre of communism’, but much of his writing was about the vampire of capitalism and its effects on people in it, with communism depicted as a reaction, a natural reassertion of humanity in the face of capitalism’s inhumanity. When Marx talks of ‘alienation’, he means Capital’s power forces people to live by Capital’s rules, and Capital’s rules dictate that one must have money to live; and so people are divided into classes, where one class owns everything, and the other is coerced to sell their labour to the first. Capital’s desires must be met before yours can even be considered. Your time is spent on work your mind considers nonessential, foreign to its wants. Your existence as a self-determining individual with the power to decide your own destiny is trapped within the confines of Capital. The system takes your labour and sells it for a dollar; you get ten cents, and if you complain there’s a man down the street who’ll work for nine cents instead. You are alienated from the produce of your labour because it belongs to another; you are alienated from your fellow human for now they’re competition; you are alienated from your very will because you must satisfy Capital’s by default.

When I think of Karl Marx’s theory of alienation, I think of Lieutenant Double-Yufreiter Harrier ‘Harry’ ‘Raphael Ambrosius Costeau’ ‘Tequila Sunset’ du Bois, the human howitzer shell of poor life decisions who acts as our intrepid protagonist, is an alienated human being, his psyche scarred with the relentless toilsome existence of living in a world full of people just as alienated as he is. Marx talks of the alienated worker existing in a state of annihilation, of non-existence of the self. As Disco begins, our protagonist wakes from a state of oblivion- and it feels good. He doesn’t know his name or his face or his role, and yet Oblivion whispers to him in the cadence of seduction, of a lover inviting one back to a warm bed. Come back to nothingness, honey.

Almost immediately we learn that this was not an accident. When Detective Du Bois of the Revachol Citizens Militia, the Molotov cocktail who walks like a man, arrives on the scene of a murder, he does not do what he is supposed to do, which is retrieve the murder victim from a tree and question witnesses. Instead he flails his gun around, makes passes at waitresses, makes passes at a witness, trashes his hotel room, punches a stuffed bird (albeit one that, we are assured, had it coming), sings karaoke so atrociously that the hostel he haunts institutes a NO KARAOKE rule on the spot and drinks to such driven excess that when he comes to his brain has been purged. His job, address, name and face: annihilated. A question bubbles to the surface: what was reality like for this man that he would go to such drastic lengths to forget it?

There are many answers to that question, but one of them is that Du Bois is a cop, and doesn’t want to be a cop anymore, again for many reasons (Revachol’s police force is more an awkward compromise between a citizen’s neighbourhood watch and a police force than a top-down authoritarian force, so he doesn’t even have the near-unchecked privilege and power of your average real-world cop!). As we explore Du Bois’s past we learn that during his rampage, despite being smashed he manages an impressively systematic erasure of his cop-ness, flushing his papers down a toilet, throwing a clipboard in the trash, selling his gun and driving his police car with badge and uniform inside into a river.

Curiously, we also learn that Du Bois was good at his job, effective, disciplined, restrained and more efficient than his peers. He was driven and skilled and yet at the end he hated being a cop so much he performed an act of ego-annihilation so complete that he literally doesn’t remember his own name. We can speculate as to why- no doubt his having untreated personal issues and an intensely stressful job compounded somewhat, as does the poor pay and lack of time to address his own issues. It is sobering and ironic, then, that despite this immolation of the self, the very first detail we learn about Du Bois is that he is a cop. Indeed, we might not learn his name until much later (and often then only by finding his police badge). Everyone in the hostel Du Bois has disgraced with his presence know him as a cop, but not one of them can tell him what his name is. Du Bois is defined by his labour, and he has so little control over that status that not even hard fragging his brain can shake it off.

As we learn more of the city of Revachol’s dilapidated quarter of Martinaise, in the infamous Jamrock district, we learn more about Du Bois as well, and about the traumas they both share. That they share them is not coincidence. Martinaise is pockmarked by the craters and bullet holes of an old war fought and won against the old communist regime; these literal scars exist alongside a deeper marring of the soul of the city. The buildings are shabby old relics, if they’re whole at all; many are in half-ruin, rib-cages exposed to the winter wind’s keening. There is only one thing in the whole of Martinaise that has value to Capital, the docklands through which a stream of trade flows. The docklands are also consciously the cleanest, most functional locale in Martinaise. At the same time, the docklands are separated from the rest of the town by a wall and gate that turn it into a fortress. Despite their cleanliness, the docklands are sterile, unwelcoming, unnatural. They are alienated from the living decay that vibrates through the bones of Martinaise. This relative largesse does not extend to the depressed urbanity that rings it; that area is Not Valuable to Capital and so is allowed to rot.

The people, too, are depressed- a thread of sorrow, despair and bitterness worms its way into almost every personal narrative in Disco’s cast, compounded by the never-ending burden of Capital’s demands, generation after generation. The little girl who stands outside the bookshop, nervous and freezing, too busy hawking goods instead of receiving an education, is only there because her mother needs her to work now so the business doesn’t go out of business, and she’s a nervous wreck because her husband is always away on work, leaving her to raise a child alone. The countless oblivion seekers who talk of the legendary Tequila Sunset. So many people who spend their money on alcohol instead of fixing their own lives but at the same time it is Capital that gives them less than they are worth and makes oblivion seem appealing. Du Bois has to pay rent and damages to the hostel despite being broke and troubled because they need to pay for repairs because they use renting that room to live, but Du Bois is only there because a man was murdered there, and that only occurred because that man was there because Capital needed that man to literally kill a labour union.

Joyce Messier, the very avatar of Capital- a corporate libertarian (dios mio!)- is on the winning side. She is secure and powerful and wealthy. She is slowly having her ego literally obliterated by her work because Capital alienates everyone, even the wealthy, although not in quite the same ways. Joyce reflects on her life and experiences doubt and sorrow, on whether the end of history, brought about by the victory of her ideology, was ever worth it.

The second man I think about when I play Disco Elysium is Francis ‘History-Killa’ Fukuyama, a tragically intelligent American academic noted for his 1992 dancing-on-the-grave-of-the-Soviet-Union essay “The End of History and the Last Man”. He is the only one of the four men who isn’t dead yet.

The End of History is a concept posited by the likes of Hegel and Marx describing the culmination of human social evolution into an ultimate, final government system that, once achieved, would never again face serious challenge. Fukuyama’s essay says it’s liberal democracy. The Cold War is over, Communism is deader than disco, and (parliamentary) democracy (with a free market) was here to stay, babyyyyy!

Fukuyama copped a lot of ‘feedback’ for his essay, some of which was dopes misinterpreting what the end of history meant (it means that liberal democracy is the final, endpoint system for organising human societies, not that things will stop happening), others argued that liberal democracy had failed as a system and thus could not possibly be the endpoint, whilst some felt he had undervalued the existential threats of rival systems, like Islamic fundamentalism (lol). Fukuyama, a rising star of the neoconservative scene in the heady days of the 90s, defended his thesis rigorously, observing (correctly) that Islamic fundamentalism didn’t pose an existential threat to the Liberal west at all whilst observing that even the autocrats of China and Russia had to pay lip service to democracy.

When I last checked in on ol’ History-Killa, it was 2016, he was voting democrat and felt a lot more anxious about the nature of liberal democracy, because 2016 hit different but it hit everyone exactly the same.

When I think of Francis Fukuyama’s theory of the End of History, I think of Joyce Messier and Evrart Claire, the opposing poles in the ideological cold war raising the heat in Martinaise. Evrart serves as the boss of the Dockworkers’ Union, whose strike has shut down the precious Martinaise docks. Joyce is a negotiator for Wild Pines, the company that owns the docks themselves; however Evrart refuses to meet her. The unresolved situation and the tension it builds underpins everything in the story, but also springs in the backdrop of the city of Revachol’s historical context, in which Capital’s power is unchecked. Revachol is a political void, its revolutionary communist government being smashed decades ago. The smashers- an international alliance of humanist democracies- didn’t fill the void. Instead, it was left as a deregulated state, run by corporate interests and policed by international militaries. These nations are firmly unchallenged on the world stage, and the idea that anything could topple it seems inconceivable- the end of history.

Evrart puts on a leftist front in his methods and goals, but the prospects of him ever succeeding seem bleak. His goals are audacious. The dockworkers want a seat on the board; later they decide to take full ownership of the dockland itself. Joyce, meanwhile, is polished, elegant, charming, likeable and all too aware of how murderously ruthless her lot- libertarian capitalists- can be. Yet where Evrart moves brashly and loudly, Joyce and Wild Pines are subtle. They hide their hand. They attack from different angles, all at once, undetectable and secretive: Joyce is there to negotiate, but at the same time the company sends scabs to protest at the dockland gates, whilst also having hired a squad of secret psychopathic mercenaries as elite agents, each equipped with heavy weapons and armour worth years of cop salaries, to put the union back in its place. Even Joyce’s status is hidden- far from being a mere employee, she is in fact one of the owners of Wild Pines. The big guns are here. Capital’s power is overwhelming, financially, legally, militarily- but obfuscated. Cover stories. Disguises and lies, red tape and shell corporations, a thousand different subtleties. Capital does not like the spotlight and will do anything it can to obscure just how powerful it truly is. And it is this, I believe, that the tragic genius of Francis Fukuyama comes to light. When Fukuyama predicted that the end of the evolution of human social systems was here because one had become unassailably powerful, he was half right, but had misread who the winner was at the end of the cold war. Democracy had not triumphed; Capital had, and democracy was simply the host of the parasite. Buying into Capital is tempting: Capital is incredibly adept at extracting resources and wealth and turning that into power. But Capital does not need democracy- it will adapt to fascism and autocracy just as easily.

Revachol is not a democracy, and the only power in town is Capital.

And then Wild Pines loses. Evrart was anticipating everything from the start. He knows that at the end of the day, he can lose a thousand dockworkers and still live it, whilst the moment Wild Pines shows weakness the market will tear it apart. Wild Pines’ plans dissolve practically on contact, with the mercenaries going murderously rogue and the union holding firm. When Du Bois tells Joyce of Evrart’s plans, she realises the cost-benefit doesn’t favour Wild Pines and when faced with that, plus realising that people will die, she evacuates, and gives the Union everything they want. An unconditional surrender. Capital loses.

But this is a setback, not a total defeat. Capital still controls the city, Revachol is still a libertarian free zone, and international Capital’s airships control the skies with enough artillery to flatten every building in the city. The realisation that Capital is practically impossible to topple as a system is an open belief to all in Revachol, especially the bitter deserter- a veteran of the Communist revolution- who says that the basis for revolution has been lost, and will never come again.

But when I think of Fukuyama I also think of the Pale. After all, Disco is not just a story of dry politics- it is a game of symbolism, of abstract ideas and imagery explaining the feeling of an event more than the recitation of it will (The secret fifth man of this essay is Roger Waters, co-founder of prog rock band Pink Floyd, whose rock opera The Wall is a great companion for Disco; alas, I don’t know enough about the topic to really engage with it as it deserves. The Deserter has definitely watched The Wall though). For the end of ‘history’ is not just a wishy-washy higher concept in the world of Disco; it is a very real and horrifying inevitability.

Disco’s world exists alongside a phenomenon called the Pale, a property-less separative tissue that divides the world into islands of reality. The Pale cannot be described positively, only by what it isn’t. It is anti-reality, a space where even mathematics ceases. Travel through the Pale is possible albeit awful to experience, and it leaves radiation on you- long enough exposure affects you permanently. You unmoor from reality, experiencing events out of time, out of your time, other people’s memories, even maybe memories from the future. The Pale is timeless entropy, where all of human experience is expressed in a single formless mass without start or end. The Pale covers two thirds of the planet’s surface. The Pale is growing. The Pale is the product of humanity: pollution of the past, human history leaking into reality itself. It is a refutation of the idea that any human product can be eternal except nothingness, but also an embracing of a future where the universe itself is made up entirely of human history.

When Du Bois speaks to the phasmid at the game’s emotional climax, it’s not clear whether it is true communication or whether Du Bois is hallucinating mega hard. It doesn’t matter. Either way, the phasmid expresses terror at humanity’s incomprehensible consciousness, that it created the Pale that will annihilate everything around humanity as a side effect, whilst admiring humanity for being able to tolerate being inside its own head at all. The End of History may come, but whilst we may be done with history, history is not done with us; it pursues us, defines us, puts us into boxes and causes us to harm others without even being aware of it.

For Harry Du Bois and the people of Elysium, history is a prison, and the end of history an extinction.

The third man I think about when I play Disco Elysium is Carl Rogers, an American psychologist who founded the humanistic therapeutic approach. Rogers is a man who’s had a huge influence on me- because I am a therapist, and his shadow looms large in the field. Most therapists incorporate at least a little of his approach into their work. The core elements of Rogers’ approach do not emphasise specific techniques or interventions, but rather a philosophy. For Rogers, humans change when exposed to humanising interaction. Rogers teaches the power of listening, empathy and caring. You are there with the client, genuinely in the moment, not acting or hiding behind empty therapist personas. You try to understand the client and see the world through their eyes without being lost in their world. And finally, you practice unconditional positive regard: you accept the client as they are, without judgment, disapproval or even approval. The relationship begins then and there, and is not informed by the past: the Rogerian therapist treats the criminal client no different to the crisis survivor, and trusts in these simple human connections to transform a person.

When I think of Carl Rogers’ humanistic approach I think of Kim Kitsuragi, the long suffering detective sent by another precinct to assist you on the case. Kim is a consummate detective. He is thoughtful, attentive, highly disciplined and absolutely incorruptible. He arrives on the scene to solve a crime and leaves having saved Harry’s soul.

I love Kim more than any other fictional character ever made. I have an official ZA/UM copy of his aerostatic bomber jacket hanging in my wardrobe. It is warm, comforting and surprisingly practical. Kim made me want to be a therapist- and I was already a therapist.

Kim does not arrive intending to save Harry’s soul. He is there to perform a job; Harry, as his partner, is there to perform the same job, and Kim expects Harry to do that job; he won’t do it for him! But he sees Harry as more than a job- he sees a person. A person in indescribable pain. This is already generous: Harry’s antics have set the investigation back, impacted measurably on Kim’s ability to close this case. Yet Kim does not linger on it. He does not belabour Harry with criticism on how Harry’s personal issues have hampered the case. Kim simply moves on to asking ‘what do we do now to fix it?’

Kim approaches Harry with an opinion free of judgment. When they meet, Harry is hung over, dishevelled, hated by the locals, feuding with the hostel’s manager, missing a name, a gun, a badge and hasn’t even fetched the body out of the tree. Yet if this affects Kim’s opinion of you, he hides his judgment magnificently. Kim’s offers Harry unconditional positive regard, free of pre-judgment. He allows Harry’s actions in the moment, and they alone, to define their relationship and in doing so he offers Harry an incomparable and rare gift that no one else in the game can give him: a relationship free of the past that haunts Harry. Harry obliterated himself with alcohol and meth to try and be released from that past and the monster it turned him into. Kim gives that to him without asking and for free.

Harry is a man, not a monster. Kim helps him realise that radical truth through entirely mundane and simple human kindness.

Kim is not blind to Harry’s faults. But instead of condemning him, he finds an equilibrium with Harry, he moderates him, and knows to trust him. He knows when to step in and rein Harry back, to point out when he’s crossing the line. Kim treats Harry like a partner, but also as a hurting human being, and he tends to both in the exact way Harry needs. It’s a wonderfully mature relationship and brimming with the exact kind of simple human patience and empathy Carl Rogers hoped to see from therapists.

In the emotional climax of the game, the phasmid- a cryptid that Harry has been fruitlessly chasing the entire game, much to Kim’s disinterest (he is not one for the paranormal)- appears. At that moment, I felt my stomach drop out of my body. One of the dialogue options is for Harry to proclaim that this is it, he has lost his mind completely and utterly. That is how I felt. I selected it and felt miserable.

Then Kim says, “I see it too.”

In that moment my fear and sadness was transformed into joy and relief that Kim, sober, professional and rock-steady Kim could see this postmodern fairy tale creature, the same as I could. My world view was not out of hand. I- that is to say, Harry- wasn’t alone.

I wept.

At the end of the game, Harry meets with his former co-workers who he told to fuck off for ‘cramping his style’ before the game even begins. These are his colleagues, but also his friends, pushed to breaking point by Harry’s terrible personality as he loses his struggle with his demons. They are weary and exhausted and wonder why they should take Harry back. If you wish, you can play Harry becoming a better person. No alcohol, no drugs, no bribes, superlative cop work, kind and helpful to those around you. Embracing the second chance your self-obliteration gave you. Your colleagues then point out, horrifyingly, that this isn’t even the first time all of this has happened, and that you ‘went good’ in the past as well, only to break again. Why would this time be different?

I think it will be. I hope it will be. Because now Harry has Kim.

The fourth man I think about when I play Disco Elysium is Terry Pratchett, British author responsible for the Discworld series, a fantasy series about a disc-shaped world balanced on the backs of four colossal elephants standing on the shell of an astronomical turtle. It is, as one might guess, a series full of the whimsical and the absurd. The geography is eccentric, the people more so. The narration is irreverent and self-unimportant and peppered with off-hand references and gags. His style has been endlessly mimicked but never replaced. They are the single most shoplifted book series in Britain.

There are very few settings as human as Terry Pratchett’s. This is a writer who can create a world where the natural laws are more like natural guidelines, where the home of the gods is a joke to retirement communities, where the first protagonists were a terrible, cowardly wizard and his too-fearless, too-naïve, too-curious tourist companion. Yet the setting’s absurd unreality doesn’t make its occupants less human. Pratchett’s incomparable gift was that he created a setting full of parody and satire and nonsense and used it to draw out the human in his characters, even if they weren’t human. A golem who embraces reasonable, rational atheism in a setting with jealous, living gods. A dwarf woman whose interests and expression of gender run counter to her society’s expectations. A vampire who overcomes their addiction to blood by sublimating it into a fascination with photography. Many of these ideas, when introduced, unfurl from parodical ideas to genuine explorations of the human condition, as silly, petty and as beautiful as it is. Humans are human, even in a flat world on the back of a turtle.

Pratchett had a gift for making his characters seem like gags at first, exaggerated and archetypal, yet revealing their complex, often contradictory, very much human natures to you over time. I think that sense of exploration, of hidden depths, is what helps make them seem so lifelike and resonant. In reality, people are rarely everything they seem to be at first. That isn’t to say that their exterior is false- a person who is boring on the outside often just has a boring outside. But people always keep something back, something hidden, and simply becoming aware of that makes us think of them as people.

When I think of Terry Pratchett’s complex characters and absurd world I think of Elsyium, the area of Martinaise and the people who live there. Elysium as a setting is more grounded and ‘philosophical’ than Pratchett’s, but it has its quirks of the absurd that reflect human nonsense. The statue of the deposed king in Martinaise, for instance, installed after a revolution in a district that hasn’t been rebuilt from the war that deposed him, by careless corporate overlords who were soon kicked out but managed to prioritise a statue being built that is immediately vandalised. Or the grim comedy of a chain of quests dealing with the ‘Doomed Commercial District’, a district where all businesses seem supernaturally cursed to fail, with an exception determined because her tower is technically outside of the boundaries of the district.

So many of the people in Martinaise seem like archetypes and stock characters at first. Union boss Evrart Claire is a classic corrupt union boss, more mob godfather than working class man. Joyce Messier is polished and clever and unflappable, an elegant woman who grew up rich and remains so. Plaisance, the careless bookshop owner who runs her daughter ragged in the cold to Teach Her a Work Ethic. Even Kim is a stoic, utter professional, dedicated solely to his work.

Then you learn a lot, or a little, and the façade falls and you realise the truth. Evrart may be running a criminal operation, but when he expresses his hatred for Capital and his leftist beliefs he is being bluntly sincere. Joyce fully acknowledges the inevitable power of the international forces ruling Revachol and her complicity in them and their crimes, but dig a little, and she spills how she truly feels: that Capital has failed people, that it was all for nothing, and that Revachol was disgraced by surrendering- that it should have burned every building to the ground before ever letting the coalition take it whole. Plaisance isn’t careless, she’s anxious, run ragged at the responsibilities of caring for a child and running a business whilst neglected by her husband and repeating the traumatic lessons of her mother. And when Harry says something and Kim has to turn away because he’s too busy hiding his laughter, it’s beautiful. When Kim is easily swayed into breaking for an hour to play a board game, he admires the pieces, sets the board, read the rules then (usually) runs rings around you before declaring triumphantly, “Nobody fucks with Kim Kitsuragi.”

Nearly everyone in Martinaise is like this. So many of them have contradictory hidden depths that serves to make them painfully human. The story of Rene, the hateful old royalist, and his affable friend Gaston, is wonderful. Childhood rivals for the same woman (who died before she could make a choice), Rene wears his old royal uniform and expresses his hate for foreigners and communists. He expresses contempt for the apolitical Gaston (fence-sitters are cowards), who cheerfully returns it. When Rene dies of heart failure halfway through the game, Gaston is heartbroken. Buried beneath layers of trauma and hurt and memory is genuine affection between the two. The Deserter on the island- a lifelong militant survivor of the communist rebellion- despises Rene as a memory of the royalists, hating him, savouring the idea of one day shooting him dead. He never does, and he too feels grief at the death of Rene. He hated the royalist, but he was a foe he could kill, a remnant of a dead ideology. He cannot kill Capital.

There are few characters as beloved in Discworld as Death. The literal anthropomorphic personification of mortality, Death is the psychopomp humans see when they die. He guides them to their afterlife. He is very fond of cats, and muses on the nature of humanity with fondness. He is not human, but he has a boundless empathy for life. He isn’t to be feared. This kind of anthropomorphism is common in Discworld, where the world is alive, the gods are alive, and cameras are boxes containing little demons that paint really quickly.

When I think of this, I think again of Harry Du Bois. Harry is a living contradiction, to the point where his skills argue and fight with each other. Harry is also incredibly sentimental, not only for the past, but for everything. Sentimentality is that thing that allows a human being to imbue lifeless things with life and meaning and feelings they don’t have. Sentimental people hesitate and feel bad about throwing out a computer, or worry about the hurt feelings of a doll. One of the first things Harry can do is gently stroke the hair of the murder victim; the victim thanks you for this. At the same time, he can gently pat a mailbox, and call it a ‘good box’. This makes the box happy. It heals his morale; it makes him feel better. Sentimentality, kindness to the lifeless, is rewarding and good and the product of Harry’s vast soul.

Harry sentimentalises and anthropomorphises everything. He has divided the voices in his head up to represent his compartmentalised skill sets. They then quarrel and fight and work together and encourage him. Some are communist. Some are fascist. One of them wants to get high and bone down.

Throughout the game, Harry can claim to ‘commune’ with things telepathically. His horrible, garish necktie. The city of Revachol itself. A giant insect. This is probably the ravings of a man experience alcohol withdrawal and psychological trauma, yet at the same time offer information he could not possibly know. At the very least, their viewpoints are beautiful. Revachol loves him; he is a son of its soil. The necktie calls him a good man. And the insect expresses its fear of humanity and its Pale even as it admires Harry for having the ability to comprehend existence without going immediately insane.

When Harry finds the Phasmid, a cryptid that a married couple have spent their lives looking for so fruitlessly that Lena, the gentle and adorable wife is doubting her story of seeing it- the story that attracted her husband to her in the first place- he talks to it. It talks back. He asks- are you the miracle? It says that he is the miracle. It encourages him.

“The arthropods are in silent and meaningless awe of you. Know that we are watching — when you're tired, when the visions spin out of control. The insects will be looking on. Rooting for you."

Harry can respond to this in several different ways. My favourite is this one:

“Of all the creatures I’ve met you are the kindest.”

That Harry has love and softness to spare for an insect in a world so cold and hostile is a testament.

I once met Terry Pratchett at a Discworld convention. I spoke to him and shook his hand- he was unwell at the time, and his grip was very gentle. I hadn’t read many of his works by then, but I’d liked what I read. I was there with a friend who saw Terry as his hero. I told Terry, “Thank you for writing these works. They inspire me to write as well.”

He said something very much like, “Good. If there’s a story in you, and you have that want to tell it, take that want with you. That’s what I hope those books do for people who read them.”

I cannot be sure, but I think he would have liked Disco Elysium very much.

The only one of these four men who I can be absolutely certain influenced ZA/UM’s writing of the award-winning Disco Elysium is Marx. The other three are more translators between the game and myself, ways of discussing my own experiences, ways of understanding how the game makes me feel.

I began this essay by discussing how Disco Elysium is a game about radical acts of humanity. I then clarified that by stating it’s about the basic, everyday ways humanity relates to each other. Then I talked about four men with ideas, and also mention the power of Capital a lot, which doesn’t seem human at all. I do talk a lot about human kindness and nature and relating to each other and our own alienation from it.

Disco Elysium is a game about radical acts of humanity. Or rather, the game is about normal acts of humanity, in a world that has made such things a radical act. To care about others, to sentimentalise the lifeless, to give irrational meaning in a rational and inhuman world run by a rational and inhuman machine is as radical an act as any. And yet the ordinary can triumph over, or at the very least push back against the extraordinary force arrayed against it.

Disco Elysium is a game about humanity, and acknowledging its flaws and misgivings and giving you space to hate it if you like, but if you dig a little you’ll find beauty there. Radical beauty in ordinary things.

If you have ever suffered, ever wanted to stop being you anymore or felt helpless, controlled by a machine or a substance or the vast uncaring world, then Disco is made in honour of you.

“It is made in honour of human will. That you kept from falling apart, in the face of sheer terror. Day after day. Second by second.”

Final Fantasy 4 is like a giant breaking through a tiny door: its sheer size makes everyone realise they need to build doors bigger from now on, but that doesn’t make the huge splintery mess left behind not a mess.

This is Final Fantasy’s first and foremost sin: having an ambition too great for the medium in which it then existed. But we are all sinners here, and as far as sins go there are far worse to commit. War crimes, for instance.

I do not mention sin frivolously: it is a quintessential part of Final Fantasy 4’s voluminous themes, themes that strained at the seams of the Super Famicom like the coquettish vest of a French aristocrat after a regular 12 course lunch on the 14th of July 1789. And like that poor powdered wig (soon to be without a head), a revolution was coming.

Again, I do not mention the revolution frivolously, for to understand Final Fantasy 4, one must understand that the text is translated poorly. Localised badly into English from the original French. Yes, the body might be Japanese but the soul of Final Fantasy 4 was penned by a man known affectionately as Victor Motherfucking Hugo.

Les Miserables (The Miserable Ones in its native French) is a novel written by Victor Hugo. The hero of Les Miserables is Jean Valjean, a French commoner who is raised poor and in a brutal environment who, out of obligation to his younger nephews, steals food for them. For this he is sent to jail for seven years. When he attempts to escape, he is given another seven. When he is finally released, he finds his status as a former prisoner prevents him from being hired. He has been given a bad hand, but he worsens it by becoming a wild animal.

It is during this chaos time that our Jean meets the Bishop Myriel, a kindly Christian bishop in a regional town. Valjean is poor and starving and tired, Myriel gives him food and shelter. Valjean repays him by stealing the bishop's silverware. He is caught by the cops immediately, because this is a fictional tale and so cops actually catch thieves.

Valjean lies and says the bishop gave the silverware to him. The cops don't believe him- because he is a criminal and also because it is a very bad lie- but on arrival at the bishop’s doorstep, our dear Myriel not only corroborates Valjean’s story, but also tells him: "you forgot the candlesticks", the most precious part of the collection, which he then gives to Valjean.

This act changes Valjean’s life. Valjean is overcome with shame at his own actions- and this saves him, ennobles him, because it is the chance to do better, to free himself of the world that made him do only evil.

There is a lovely lyric in the musical that goes something like this:

But remember this, my brother
See in this some higher plan,
You must use this precious silver
To become an honest man.
By the witness of the martyrs,
By the passion and the blood,
God has raised you out of Darkness,
I have saved your soul for God!

The song that follows is one in which Valjean, horrified at what he has become, screams his anguish, but then whispers two lines quietly, full of fearful awe:

He told me that I have a soul
How does he know?
What spirit comes to move my life?
Is there another way to go?

Victor Hugo described himself religiously as a deist and freethinker variously, but in this passage he manages to convey, elegantly and movingly, one of the actual powers of faith and religion at their best- the ability to compel one person to see the best in a person who cannot see it in themselves and by making them aware of it, change their lives, transforming them into good people.
And in the Christian tradition (mostly), the act most associated with this is forgiveness- God forgives, Jesus forgives- and that's how Valjean is given his chance.

"I have saved your soul for God!"

But note that this isn't redemption exactly. “You must use this precious silver to become an honest man.”

A common religious tradition is that of the votive offering- an offering given to a divine entity in exchange for a boon. The Romans might sacrifice a calf to Jupiter for success in war. This was a prayer, but also as much a contract as anything, bound by divine law. Here, Myriel makes a votive offering, presenting the precious silverware to God to buy Valjean’s soul out of darkness.

It does not redeem Valjean, however; it does open the door for his redemption. In Myriel’s faith, you must believe in good, but also do good as well.

This is the first, idk, 10% of Les Miserables. It is one of the very earliest story beats. Valjean doesn't change very much after this, but instead the story is seeing how a man raised in darkness can be capable of the greatest light, but also see the man be tested because the world that made him hard and cold still exists.

Valjean's Soliloquy, ends like this:
"I am reaching, but I fall
And the night is closing in
And I stare into the void
To the whirlpool of my sin
I'll escape now from that world
From the world of Jean Valjean
Jean Valjean is nothing now
Another story must begin!"

He breaks from his old life, but that doesn't wipe the slate clean. Now his story is of doing good, and truly redeeming himself. Valjean’s new life is constantly threatened by his pursuer, Javert, who does not believe in human capacity for redemption. Javert’s hounding ruins Valjean’s peace time and time again, but when Valjean turns the tables and has power over Javert, he does not destroy him but instead forgives him. Valjean begins in the darkness, but ends his story in the bishop’s shoes.

Final Fantasy 4 (Final Fantasy 4 in its native French) is the story of hot anime sad boy Cecil Harvey. Cecil Harvey is secretly a fucking moon man- but is raised as an orphan by the king of the land of Baron himself. Through duty to his adoptive father and his adoptive country, becomes a fearsome Dark Knight.

And then he becomes captain of the Red Wings, the world’s most feared military force. That is, Cecil Harvey starts the game as a motherfucking war criminal. This is how we begin our tale. If Final Fantasy 4 isn’t listed in splendid gimmick-turned-kind-of-activist Twitter account “Can you Violate the Geneva Conventions” then it should be.

Our tale begins, specifically, in medias res, with Cecil’s dark sword in the medias of a resisting civilian in the peaceful town of Mysidia, where Cecil and the Red Wings, doing their best 1800s British Safari cosplay, have looted the town for its magic Crystal. On returning to Baron after committing his act, Cecil is overwhelmed with guilt and doubt. By nature he is not a cruel man, but the world he is in has made him do dark things. He may lack Valjean’s poverty and brutal upbringing, but regardless, his soul begins the game in darkness.

Cecil is not unloved. Rosa, his ever faithful and inhumanly pure-hearted white mage beloved, loves him unconditionally. She can see the good in Cecil, because she loves him. Cecil cannot see it because he does not love himself. The opposite, in fact. Rosa’s love is not what Cecil needs right then, although that is not her fault.

When Cecil voices his doubts to his father-king, said father-king does what all father-kings do when their son-war criminal-vassals question them: they trick them into doing a surprise genocide. Cecil is sent to deliver a parcel to the summoner village, where he proceeds to murder a summon (killing the summoner in the process), then unwittingly unleashes the parcel- a magic bomb- on the town, killing all except a young girl. Rydia, whose mother is the summoner Cecil murdered via magic feedback.

Cecil, desperate to do some good, takes Rydia under his wing. Rydia makes sure to wake him every morning by calling him a murderer who should burn in hell. Cecil agrees.

Cecil meets other allies- Tellah, the bitter sage whose daughter dies to big bad Golbez; Edward, the milquetoast poet-prince of a kingdom that gets Red Winged into a crater before their very eyes; Yang, the brave Monk of Fabul. Every time, Cecil fails to help them. At every turn, Cecil is haunted by the person he may have failed the most- Kain, his adoptive brother. Kain is a Dragoon of Baron, but he is second to Cecil in every way- second in the King’s estimations and second in Rosa’s heart. Having failed to surpass Cecil at these things, Kain instead decides to surpass him at war crimes instead, and boy howdy is he going for gold.

All of this leads in an abortive defense of Fabul that ends with an abortive crossing of the ocean, in which the eidolon Leviathan strikes their ship with a whirlpool (OF THEIR SIN), dispersing the party. But Leviathan is not a wild animal, but a being of near divine power and authority. He saves Rydia by taking her to the Eidolon realm, and he saves Cecil by washing him up in the last place Cecil should be but the first place he absolutely has to be: Mysidia.

The people of Mysidia hate Cecil. Because he is a war criminal who recently went through their own like a British museum curator. Cecil passes through their hate and comes to the feet of the elder of Mysidia. Where Cecil expects hate, the elder offers him forgiveness.

But as always, there must be a votive. And the votive is a pilgrimage to the Mountain of Ordeals.

What follows is a symbolically rich journey in which Cecil climbs a holy mountain, literally named Ordeals, and comes face to face with his greatest enemy: himself.

He stares into a literal manifestation of his own darkness. Cecil, this young man who hates what he has become, who believes there is nothing in him worth saving, worth loving, has to stare into his self-hatred made manifest and make the heroic choice.

A True Paladin would sheath his sword.

What was Bishop Myriel’s power? "the ability to compel one person to see the best in a person who cannot see it in themselves and by making them aware of it, change their lives, transforming them into good people." Cecil has a chance to fight here. To attack and destroy an externalised part of his own self-loathing. But instead, he stays his hand. He is forced to acknowledge for the first time that there is something in him worth loving.

Cecil must find the way to love himself, but the man in darkness cannot remove himself from darkness; he must find a greater power. That power is forgiveness, an act of unfathomable love from Cecil’s victim to him that works its magic on his soul and brings it out of darkness.

The difference to Cecil is striking. He looks different, obviously, but his words and deeds, once creaking under the ponderous bulk of his remorse and self-loathing, are lighter. More confident. There is resolve there. Faith. This is who Cecil was always meant to be, but the yoke of self-loathing has been removed. And now he can finally help those around him. When Cecil washes up in Mysidia, it is the single lowest, most hopeless point in the story.

From that nadir- the greatest hope. And Cecil finally starts winning. He starts helping others, and the greatest change is in himself, enabled through the power of forgiveness. But this act of forgiveness is not Cecil’s redemption- that must come from the rest of the game, as he saves those who have fallen into darkness themselves.

This culminates in two salvations. The first is the salvation of Kain, his adoptive brother, who has betrayed him, coveted his wealth and status and love. Kain, a veritable Loki in dragonskin cosplay, has such rotten bona fides that the party is entirely justified in kicking him to the curb. Cecil forgives him. And in doing so, he rescues Kain from himself.

The second salvation is when he forgives his blood brother, Golbez, aka Theodore, at the very end of the story. Cecil’s story arc does not end at Ordeals. It ends at these salvations. He who once began in darkness ends the story in the elder of Mysidia’s shoes, proffering a radical message of forgiveness.
That is some powerful shit. It is a message of sheer awe, wrapped up in themes of war and jealousy and sin and death and murder. This is more than the fun anime pageantry of being a paladin knight- this is a story of redemption and forgiveness that feels uncannily evocative of Hugo’s own writings- and of the Catholic traditions before him.

That is not to say that Final Fantasy 4 is literally based on Hugo, or on any of this. The parallels are probably coincidental. But the themes within are so evocative of the same beats that it feels deliberate. Messages of power and love and faith, crammed uncomfortably into a 16 bit box that makes everything look and sound kind of cartoony, with the only way to convey emotion being a limited text box and limited sprites. Final Fantasy 4 was too big for its time, and thank God that it was!

There is a line from Hugo’s giant stupid tome of a book- a book that, at one of its great climaxes, takes the time to pause and spend a chapter waxing lyrical about the history of the Parisian sewer system, because Hugo could not be stopped- that comes to mind as I think about this hot anime knight and his journey out of darkness.

"The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves."