1244 Reviews liked by STRM

What Morbius is to cinema, Cheggers is to video games.

This review was written before the game released

Austin Powers deserves to have a spot in this game's roster.

He would play similarly to Phoenix Wright in UMvC3 with a Mojo Meter being the center of his character. regular attacks and special attacks would fill it up slightly but the big way to fill it would be through taunting.

He would have the longest taunts in the game (obviously based on classic scenes from the trilogy, Austin on the bed, Austin as a photographer, etc) that leave him wide open to attacks but as a reward they massively boost the Mojo Meter.

in Mojo Mode, his attacks increase in damage, extending in range with fancy 60s era effects, while Soul Bossa Nova plays. Male characters also do .75 damage to Austin and Female characters do .50 percent damage to Austin when he is in Mojo Mode.

His alternate costumes would be easy, just give him recolours based on his suits like Snake in Brawl.

This is not a bit. I would main Austin Powers.

one of the endings is literally just Adam Sandler's Click

In a game as famously dense as Planescape: Torment, the only word I can use to describe my experience playing through it is simply esoteric.

While it carries the CRPG tradition of "pretty damn impressive story and world-building, but really weak combat" as one would expect from this era, Planescape: Torment would go beyond these met-expectations to deliver an incredibly unique, poetically rich experience that earns its place as being one of the greatest written video games in history.

The most interesting part about Planescape: Torment as a game is how it takes special effort into subverting the many RPG tropes and conventions people were familiar with the genre at this point. The standard blank slate RPG protagonist? This premise is flipped on its own head as they discover they have this entire repressed history that’s important in deciphering which works as an effective mystery hook for the narrative. The plot of a hero trying to save the world from a greater evil needing to be stopped? The Nameless One is more interested in trying to discover the existential truth about themselves and the damage they’ve caused in their previous lives. This goes for other aspects of the gameplay like traditional fantasy equipped armor being tattoos or eyeballs you replace from your own body, experience being gained by remembering memories or skills you’ve always had but forgotten, and the player being immortal makes dying just a minor annoyance and also a brilliant integration between story and gameplay. There's even an entire optional dungeon in the game which makes fun of dungeon crawlers. The hilarious setup being that it was a failed psychological experiment by actual robots to discover why people would venture into unforeseen danger and death. Something beautifully topped off with generic enemies who don't know what their real motivation is beyond just programmed to fight the player while dropping generically named loot like "A Goody!" which has no in-game value.

The combat may trench on being territorially mid unless you’re a Mage with high leveled spells to your disposal but I believe nothing can quite knock down the experience of exploring Sigil and all the various multiversal planes in this ridiculously rich yet cryptic fantasy setting. All the very out-there philosophical ideas of mortality and the ever-so famous theme of “what can change the nature of man?” are echoed throughout the locations and characters you encounter. This has among my all-time favorite party members for being a well-written group of tormented individuals who are attracted and follow the most tormented one of them all. You know you’ve really succeeded in telling a really damn great story for a game when the most fascinating character worth paying attention to is The Nameless One himself. In how he, through the player, confronts his own literal demons catching up on him and harming the people affected by it. The way immortality is treated more like a curse than a blessing in disguise when it comes to personal choices and consequences being made. And the different versions of himself throughout his undying life that he once was or could potentially still relapse back into.

The ending of Planescape: Torment was what fully convinced me this was a certified classic. In how it perfectly caps off this surreal yet intimate story being told from where it leaves The Nameless One from where the game began, and for being one of the most memorable and worthwhile experiences I've had playing a video game.

Good fucking lord does 3x speed make this fucker ZOOM.

But yeah, I don't know what to add that hasn't already been said in the 25 years since its release. The game lives up to all the praise it gets and is well deserving of its status as this revolutionary game for the time. The music is fantastic, the characters (for the most part) are superbly well-written and defined, the plot is constantly moving and exciting; when the game has to hit its emotional beats, it does so with flying colors; the gameplay is addicting and fun, this sentence is neverending lol. I do wish Yuffie and Vincent weren't regulated to optional party members as I would've liked to know more about them and had them more involved with the plot, especially Vincent, but alas.

After 25 years of having a good chunk of the game's big plot points discussed and memed to death, it's safe to say that Final Fantasy VII still holds up as not only one of the quintessential titles of the RPG genre, but also as an incredible and memorable video game experience.

Closing out a decade of Dead Rising, the fourth and final entry in the series is a flickering candle, a sputtering flame compared to the galactic supernova that was its forefather. The wick burns dimly, a slow glow fading from an empty room; Dead Rising’s found-family, Capcom Vancouver, returned to ash with the ill-received launch of Dead Rising 4, leaving the neglected to quietly parish among the ruins. The black sheep rests, each prolonged second snuffing out the light, a foregone conclusion coming to fruition. From Frank, to Chuck, to Nick, all pawns in the dawn of the dead, we turn our sights to the final era of Frank West. It comes to this. The beginning and the end, Capcom’s Memento Mori of the Dead. The eternal end of Dead Rising.

Inside that decrepit tomb, sheltered from the wages of perpetuity, you lie. Tattered and ragged, the skin stretched thin over creaking bones, I’m struck with pangs of reminiscence. You’re Frank West, but not the one I know. You’re Willamette, but one from a different world. You’re "Dead Rising", but not one I recognize. Each moment with you is a recollection of better days, and for that, I have nothing but contempt for you. The mechanisms beneath have faltered, the smile has decayed, toothless and rotten, your very self torn away, stripped clean from the hollow skeleton I stare at.

But as much as I’ve been told to hate you, to despise this so-called resting place, I can’t force myself to do so. Engulfed in the soft glow of enmity, my experience with you was not moments of anger, misery, or malice. Locking eyes with the evanescent embers, my goal was clear: Acceptance, in the face of loathing. Embracing the light that was in my life, and not the shallow hollowness in front of me. And most of all, letting sleeping ghosts rest peacefully. Once, I would look upon you, a ray of cosmic brilliance piercing my retinas, a direct concentration of everything I loved and would come to love, a burning beam of sunlight. Now, the flame has died, smoke rising from an ashen stem. Surrounded by encroaching darkness, I can finally bury my memories of you, a peace deserved but long-delayed.

Minutes pass, hours, and now weeks. Every instance apart stings, a double-sided blade dividing my being; You killed the heart of a man I found myself endeared to, but would I have been endeared if not for you in the first place? You stole the essence of time from me, but would I have missed it without you showing the importance of the time I have? You gave me a universe of options and opportunity, but could I ever appreciate it after you taught me to thrive within limitations? Away from it all, I’ve come to accept that you, the creature known as Dead Rising, could never be what I need. Under the ocean sands, your body resides, a forbidden mistake upon the world's unforgiving gaze. But sitting on the shore, I will never bring myself to hate you, not as is so easily done by those near and dear to me. For your missteps, every half-cocked misfire that led me to this point, you showed me something that will stick with me until my dying breath. For that, I thank you. And with that, I need to move on.

Nostalgia’s high tide engulfs the rubble, the seafoam of loss eating into bygone shores. The waves have drowned the memories I made, but as I peer over the crystalline beaches, the deep washes over your grave. For as often as you are buried below the sand, an endless repetition of undying death, I still am drawn in by your ghost, pulled in by the beloved song of Dead Rising. But my love, desecrated as it is, can only fall victim to the same charms so many times.

You are beyond recall, buried in the abyssal plain… and for what it’s worth, I’m at peace.

This review contains spoilers

2 stars because i want to suck springtraps toes raw

I know this is a great game. It's just not what I want in my life right now. Maybe that's the best compliment to Naughty Dog. This game is just too real

When I was much younger, I played Resistance: Fall of Man while at my dads friends house. I remember thinking it was really good. I was also terrible at it and never managed to get all that far. But even though memories of that game were lost to time, it was one I remembered fondly. Years later, during my current binge of my Playstation Now backlog in a mad dash to complete everything before it possibly gets taken off when they make their new (terrible sounding) service, I finally decided to play Resistance 3. It was a weird time, having recently finished one of Insomniac's Ratchet and Clank games a few days ago only to notice similarities between that and this before learning they are indeed made by the same developer was really neat. Its a bit obvious now, a weapon wheel full of fun and creative guns that get new abilities as you use them and they level up is really a big strength of both Ratchet and Resistance. Its the highlight of them really. A funny cartoon third person platformer and a gritty first person shooter about an alien apocalypse both have the same similar core gameplay and its the best thing about both of them. Especially with Spiderman out, its pretty obvious that if nothing else Insomniac knows how to make some fun ass games.
The story in this is pretty weak, however. Obviously despite playing the first I practically went into this blind. But Resistance 3 does a good job filling in the pieces, and since you're in the shoes of a new protagonist its not a big deal. But the actual content of it is kinda lacking. Thats not to say it a negative, at times its really charming, and oddly had a hint of nostalgia. It reminded me of the kind of story id come up and act out with nerf guns as a kid, and while its nothing special its still a fun ride for the most part. The only truly bad thing about the story is that your character is talktative in cutscenes but completely silent in gameplay. It creates a bit of a disconnect and doesnt do well to help with immersion or investment in the story. It reminded me a bit of the Metro games and its a similar issue in those. Other than that, there is a section where you have to fight some human enemies, which is pretty enjoyable and a nice change of pace but their leader Mick is a completely forgettable and boring antagonist, about as cardboard cutout as they can be. It feels like they thought of a cool way to kill a villain before actually making the villain, and forgetting to add in all the interesting stuff. This oddly enough also gave me a bit of nostalgia as it felt like exactly what would of happened if 8 year old me was writing a story about an alien invasions.
Anyways, I'm getting off track here. While the gameplay is really great and the weapons are all fun and unique, the biggest issue is just how terrible the AI is. Its not that noticeable when fighting aliens because there is a variety of them and always lots at a time which makes it tense, but when you're fighting the humans its very apparent how poor it is, you can just walk up and shoot them and they'll line up for you. The only other negative I can think of thats worth mentioning is that Chapter 18 featured an egregious difficult spike where no point in the game comes anywhere close to as frustrating. I dont know who deciding sniper long-legs was a good enemy idea but I hope their socks get wet.
Now the review is over, and the rest of this is basically just describing my experience getting the platinum.
My first playthrough was really good, played on normal going for all collectibles and farming checkpoints for miscellaneous trophies was really enjoyable. The game felt the right amount of tense and fun, and outside of Chapter 18 It was a good time all around. After beating the game I already had most of the trophies, so I went and cleaned up the few I had left as well as two co-op ones that I did by myself with two controllers, felt pretty cool when I got those. Only one or two miscellaneous trophies were any trouble but beating the game once allows you to unlock cheats and anything is trivial when you have an infinite ammo rocket launcher. I decided to leave it there for the night, 91% with only the trophy for beating the game on Superhuman difficulty left. And thats what I decided to do today, spend my sunday replaying the entire thing on the hardest difficulty. 8 hours in total, but now its finally over. I highly reccomend upgrading all weapon before attempting this, as upgrades carry over and you need all the help you can get. This wasnt terribly challenging, but the game is not balanced well at all for this difficulty. There are many sections where you fight dozens of enemies at once with minimal cover and it can get pretty frustrating especially with no regenerating health and the rareness of healthpacks. As long as you take it slow, it can all be done with a little bit of patience. Theres even some sections you can just run past all the enemies to the door and make it to the next section without firing a single shot. All in all it wasnt as hard as i as anticipating, but I really just cant say it was fun either. The high density of enemies with sniper rifles and rocket launchers really just turns the game into an annoying pain in the ass, and by the time the platinum trophy popped i was more than ready to be done with it

All in all, Resistance 3 is a really fun time if you know what to expect and I enjoyed most of my time with it. I dont think i'll ever come back to it, but im more than satisfied with what I got from it

Trophy Completion - 100% (59/59 Platinum #196)
Time Played - 24 hours 23 minutes
Nancymeter - 78/100
Game Completion #57 of 2022
May Completion #7

To me, the perfect way to sum up what this game is is this: It's like A Crack In Time, but not. While this is an obvious claim and my wording is making me sound pretentious, this really is just the best way I can think about it. Its has most of the same great guns as Crack, the ones that are totally not definitely the same thing as the Buzz Blades is still the most fun to use outside of the rightfully overpowered RHYNO. The netherbeast is a nice addition, and the winterizer and nightmare box are pretty fun too. The gameplay really isnt all that different from the rest of the series, which is to say its really fun. Clanks nether sections are enjoyable but as you'll notice is kinda theme with this review, they're not as good as his time puzzles in Crack. The story is good too, but its not quite as good as Crack. It's really funny, but not quite as funny as Crack. It's really... well you get the idea. Its a great game, and its not a full game so you cant really fault it. Calling it discount A Crack In Time would be disingenuous. I think its a really great game if you want more from the series just dont go in thinking it'll meet the heights as its predecessors. I played it on legendary difficulty my first playthrough, there was a few moments where I regretted this but overall it was a good challenge without being particularly frustrating. Definitely recommend playing this one on the hardest setting, it makes Clanks puzzles more fun too.
Now the review is over. Now I need to talk. I overslept today and missed work. I wasnt in a great mood. I was about halfway through and figured I could beat it today. Which I did! And I had a great time. But for some reason, I decided that I was having such a great time I was gonna platinum it today. I new i had to replay the game in challenge mode but I figured I could blast through it with ease since I already got all the collectibles before beating the game. Now, this wasnt quite a mistake, its not a long game and I had fun flying through it again. But the thing is, for the platinum you have to upgrade all the weapons and buy the very pricey armor. These aren't uncommon trophies for the series but, well, Nexus isnt a full game. It'll take you between like 4-6 hours. And the only grind way, the arena, seems to give stunted exp and once you beat the challenge for the first time barely any bolts. So I had to do it, I had to start a third playthrough. I ended up getting the final trophy and the platinum just about the halfway point a little bit past where I started earlier today. And by then it was past midnight. I finally got my platinum, but I essentially beat the entire game and all collectibles twice in one sitting. This was not the plan. But it happened. And I had to write it out to soothe the pain.

*please ignore all the grammatical errors, I fixed the ones I took notice of but its late and im exhausted

Trophy Completion - 100% (Platinum 194)
Playthroughs: 2 and a half
Time Played - 17 hours 33 minutes
Nancymeter - 83/100
Game Completion #56 of 2022
May Completion #6