Shout out to small rural towns overtaken by an evil or dark presence that corrupts them or brings hellish creatures. Gotta be one of my favorite genders.




Deemon, the incompetent reviewer, started off his write-off with one of his usual jokes, so unfunny that one might wonder if he was doing it on purpose or if he really has such poor comedy taste. He was trying to hide the fact that he really didn’t know where to start; the path to take might seem clear, but like the streets and forest of Bright Falls, it’s more deceiving than it may look at first, like a maze that’s also a downward spiral.

Deemon pondered, searching for a way to salvage the review, desperately trying to find out which step he should take, what words he should use. He sighed. He decided to let the words write themselves, to let out all the thoughts that had formed while the darkness and light of the town surrounded Alan Wake. He surrendered himself to the unknown, one that might be already written after all… Though he knows he had to talk about the music for sure, that selection of bangers had to be celebrated somehow.




Ambition almost killed Alan Wake, in more ways than one. I mean, I may not know much about Remedy Studios, in fact, it is the very first game of theirs I have ever played and beaten, but I do know the story of Bright Falls and how it was initially going to be something else, an open world of sorts, something that didn’t quite work, as it seems. Translating an already crafted open world into a linear style of game is such a monumental task that if I were in that predicament, I’d have considered outright scrapping everything and starting from zero, but that probably wasn’t even a realistic option for the team to begin with.

But that’s not even what I’m specifically referring to. Alan Wake, the game, the package, the copy made out of code and specific sections, is riddled with hiccups and bumps; it’s filled with padding, sections of trees and mist than don’t offer much aside from one or two manuscripts pages and combat sections that can feel overbearing at times, the remnants of its troubled production remain in aspects such as the barren areas and driving sections that don’t have much of a place and are so frustrating to playthrough even if you ignore any cars I just wish they were taken out —tho it’s kind of cute how it also uses the same light mechanic as the rest of the game—,  the encounters with the Taken or the groups of mad crows often lack imagination and enemy variety or don’t jam very well with how the camera works in the case of the camera, and at one point I just kept thinking how much the experience would have benefited if some sections were repurposed in different ways or outright removed.

The imperfections of Alan Wake mostly come from this, factors outside of the game itself, of its story, but they still impact it negatively; I can’t scratch off the feeling of something being lost a bit when all of the boss enemies behave the exact same, the only thing that changes being the creepy lines they spat out and the character model. If the game wasn’t anything more than a series of levels where you shoot at things, then these issues would have rotted its pages…

…luckily, it has a dragon.

Wouldn’t it be funny if I started to praise the actual combat itself after spending two paragraphs criticizing some gameplay sections? Yeah, it would be hilarious! ... ANYWAYyeah I fucking adore the way Al controls. It occupies that same space as Simon from Castlevania, where how slow and imprecise it feels actually benefits the gameplay. You truly get the feeling Alan has never picked a gun in his life in any major capacity; he’s slow, clunky, imprecise, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. The tense dance of using light to weaken the Taken and gen emptying the chambers of them, or hell, simply using a flare and trying to activate the closest generator, it’s a super straight-forward system, and I love it. It’s incredibly satisfying to come out of encounters on top, because even if there isn’t much scarcity in resources (even if you start off each chapter with nothing each time), they are still somewhat limited, especially the most powerful weapons, and little things like mashing X to reload faster or the camera panning out to warn you of nearby enemies are things I didn’t know I needed until now.

It would be a far cry to call it a survival horror, but it’s tense; it’s tense to try to manage the purge while a bulldozer is charging full speed at you; it’s tense to try to outspeed a force you cannot do nothing against; and Alan gets progressively more and more tired. I can make the argument that there should be less of it or at least more variety in what it offers enemy-wise, but nothing will take away from the fact that the core itself is some fantastic shit.

Like… there’s something about fighting against waves of enemies on stage while the sickest rock tune ever plays in the background and the lights and flames fill your eyes that I can only call ‘’fucking awesome’’.




Deemon knew that wasn’t just it. He could talk about flaws and shooting Taken all he wanted, but something else lied within the light. He ran into it.

‘’But there’s something else’’, he said




But there’s something else.

A story already written, touched by the darkness. Written already as a part of it before birth, its muse trying to corrupt it. An ending yet to be typed out.

I have never seen a videogame story that trusts so much that the player will be intrigued enough by it to stick with it and engage with it all the way through. The tale Alan Wake, Alice, Barry, Sarah, and the whole town get tangled into is not intriguing; it is fascinating. I have never felt such closure from getting answers to questions I never realized where there in the first place. From being pretty disappointed about how Nightingale and Mott had such a poor presence as antagonists to being in awe of how their actions fell into place after the truth of this unfortunate series of events was revealed. Alan Wake offers a hell of a mystery. Alan Wake solves it.

The pages of the manuscript are as essential as the cinematics and interactions, so many pieces of the puzzle fit, it’s almost like getting spoiled before something happens, which in a way is exactly what’s happening. At first, I felt pretty disappointed that this would be a jarring light vs darkness story mixed with a thriller. Then it ended up being a meta-narrative within its own meta-narrative. The fact they did that without it feeling overcomplicated or screwing it up is ovation worthy.

But I also feel a huge sense of admiration for the micro-stories at play; hearing and talking to the inhabitants of Bright Falls, listening to Maine’s night radio, the echoes of the Taken and stellar ambience sounds ringing through my ears, the fucking incredible Night Springs shorts that had me HOOKED... It was the little things scattered in the trees and buildings and the small talk that gave this spiraling world even more meaning.

It ends with the darkness hungry for more, just like me. I’ve seen people call Alan Wake ‘’the most 6/7 out of ten game I’ve ever played’’, and even though I do not sympathize with that statement at all because it feels reductive in any context, I kind of get what people mean by it. Alan Wake is profoundly flawed, but most of them do not come from the game itself, but rather from the complicated production it had to go through.  In the face of such adversity, I’ve never seen such confidence, such talent, or such a desire to tell a tale like this. Alan Wake isn’t just *a* story, there’s more to be written and read, but at the end of the day, it’s also its own story. And what a story it is.

Maybe this isn’t what the champion of light could have been if the circumstances were different, but the hardships cannot be avoided, and even after going through them, they really sold me on this novel.

Yellow Taxi Goes Vroom hooked me from the trailer, and I'm glad to say that fully playing the game pleased me more than I thought it would. I ended up falling in love with the gimmick of figuring out how to maneuver through a platformer with no jump button, and I feel really confident in saying how it ended up being some of my favorite controls for a 3D platformer I've played ever. I've said before that I'm not a huge platformer person, and I'm not, but something with Yellow Taxi Goes Vroom hits me just right. Maybe it's my hidden obsession with tiny toy cars, maybe it's the way the bright colors mixed with the polygon graphics and music, maybe it really is those tight controls - all I know is I'm not a platformer person and yet I 100%'ed this game over the past couple of days. I have never had a platformer completely cloud my thoughts in the way Yellow Taxi Goes Vroom has to the point that when I wasn't playing it, I was just thinking about playing it. It's perfect: in control, design, length, story, everything! I finished the entire goddamn thing and I'm still thinking about when I can play it again!

Absolutely a shining star for new releases in 2024. Can't wait to see what else Panik Arcade has up their sleeve, because they have gained a very loyal fan.

5/5

Six Cats Under is a short point-and-click puzzle game made as a game jam. You play as an elderly lady who’s just met an untimely demise, and must now use her limited ghost abilities to help her cats escape the apartment. Despite this slightly morbid tone, though, the game shines with a lighthearted sense of humor and a very cute presentation.
Your entire goal is to figure out which items you can or can’t interact with. You must then use them to gain your cats’ attention and influence their actions, causing a chain of events that will ultimately lead to the opening of the front door. The entire apartment, and the kitties themselves, essentially serve as one big puzzle.
This puzzle is much more difficult and intricate than I’d expected, too; I honestly had a tough time figuring out a few of these interactions. I definitely appreciate the creativity and complexity of the gameplay, but I do wish these parts were a bit easier so that the entire game didn’t drag itself out as much. I think it would help a lot even just to have a clearer way to tell what you can and can’t use. Over half of the items in the apartment serve no purpose, but you won’t actually know which ones matter until you’ve clicked through all of them. Sometimes it feels like you’re stumbling around blindly trying to figure out the next step. I was especially lost at the beginning.
Despite these flaws, the gameplay still has a really neat idea behind it and mostly satisfactory execution. It’s very rewarding to see the cats interact with their surroundings and the amazing animations that come along with that. And I still enjoyed most of the answers, anyways - it was just a select few that I took issue with. So I still think the creators did a good job!
As for the story, it doesn’t really extend beyond your singular goal. The game is about 15-20 minutes long, most of which is dedicated to figuring out the puzzle. It’s understandable, since again, this was made for a game jam - but it unfortunately still means that there wasn’t enough time for things like worldbuilding or plot progression. All you can really discover is a bit of information about each car by clicking on them. The apartment is a studio, so there’s not much room to fit items that would give more personality to our protagonist or her pets, either. There are definitely a few nice details - portraits of loved ones hanging on the walls, a yarn basket - but it’s pretty limited. One of the best details though is the main menu, which shows a framed picture of the elderly lady holding one of her cats.
Really, what makes everything work for me with Six Cats Under is the presentation. Even though it’s a simple setting, the apartment is still very visually pleasing. The pixel art is just so beautifully done and detailed. Its main color scheme is composed of warm browns and yellows that are accented by dark green, creating a very cozy atmosphere. Plus the kitties are, of course, particularly adorable!
As for the audio, it’s also quite well-done. The looped song is both cheerful and relaxing, and thankfully just long enough that it doesn’t become annoying. Besides that, there are cute little sound effects to accompany you or the cat’s actions (my favorite of which are easily the meows.) It’s all perfect compliment to the adorable pixel art.
Overall, I definitely think Six Cats Under is worth playing. It’s fun and endearing, and has a very strong vision for what it wants to accomplish. I honestly did feel bad about having to scare virtual cats in order to manipulate them, then allowing them to wander out of your apartment aimlessly - [SPOILERS] not to mention boiling your pet goldfish in the process [END SPOILERS]. But if you don’t think about it too hard, it’s a really delightful experience.

Visuals: 4.5/5
Sound: 3.5/5
Story: 3/5
Gameplay: 3.5/5
Worldbuilding: 2.5/5
Overall Game Score: 3.5/5 [3.4/5]

the pay is nice: ★
carthanc: ★
don't go out: ★★
shatter: ★★★★
hand of doom: ★★★
the pony factory: ★★★
summer night: ★★★★★
rotgut: ★
outsiders: DNF
mr. bucket told me to: DNF

this is really rough. carthanc and rotgut technically get a score of 0 from me personally, not really worth it for the few good entries.

i've been thinking about my relationship with art, and my thoughts at the moment are that what i want in a piece is to feel something. it's not only about being entertaining, it's about catharsis. it's about feeling extremely happy or deeply miserable. it's about having the teeth grinding, the foot tapping, the head scratched. it's about going insane over the details. i want to feel alive. maybe it's a sick thought. maybe i should just live my own life, but i can guarantee, i've been living my own life a lot! much more than i would like to, sometimes.

all the games i've finished this year so far (very few) were a good time, some of them were amazing, really thought-provoking like anodyne 2, but none of them hit me like a truck. until GOD HAND.

GOD HAND makes you feel extremely happy, deeply miserable, with your teeth grinding, your foot tapping, your head scratching... pretty much at the same time! it's commonly known as a very difficult game and it's not an impossible one, but it does require you full commitment. starting with learning the controls: when action games were about swords and guns, with fast-paced movement, GOD HAND was about throwing punches while moving in tank controls. it's all about positioning, a 1v1 it's already a difficult task, but a 2v1? a 4v1? does not help when your crowd control movements are slow as hell! but don't be confused: GOD HAND is not a slow game! actually, if you can't keep up, you will pretty much ended up cooked lol, you have to adapt to the rhythm of the fight. it's all about learning and once you learn, it's about going wild.

and it's not a flashy game. you throw punches. real punches. punches that hit, than you can feel when it hits. GOD HAND it's a dudes rock game but every single dude is rocking on you (in a not-homosexual-way (unfortunately)), and you got rock on them instead. GOD HAND it's a videogame that loves action games. it's a videogame that recognizes the masculine archetypes about the action genre in overall media and at the same time it honors it and it also makes fun of it. GOD HAND is very "manly"! i mean, having blackjack and poker and dogs races as a way to make money makes me think that shinji mikami and the team are either the funniest guys ever or the most heteronormative of all time! and it's very funny either way.

what really matters is that GOD HAND is a videogame that made me feel everything, and in a year that is definitely NOT being my year, with a lot of work and study and personal problems as well, making me sometimes lost my interest in my favorite hobby, it reminds me how great videogames can be and how i can always just punch a son of a bitch when it needs to. you better watch out mf!!!

Resident Evil 4 is one of the most important games of all time, everyone knows this and why that is; it is essentially, the first "modern" game as we think of them. And a brutally difficult question you will inevitably have to ask after experiencing a landmark title like that is of course, well, how do you follow that up? If you want a simple answer, Resident Evil 5 is probably your best bet. If you want the real answer, its God Hand.

If Resident Evil 4 is ushering in the modern age of games, then God Hand feels like a celebratory send off to a now bygone era. I doubt anyone would've known that at the time making it, but considering we're only just now returning to this style of game over fifteen years after the fact it harkens completely true. God Hand was made in a relatively short development period, very obviously using design elements and ideas directly from Mikami's now magnum opus and creating something so completely different out of it. It reminds me a lot of Majora's Mask funnily enough more than anything in that regard; taking one of the most influential games of all time and using that framework to tell something completely new and fresh. All of that is to make God Hand sound very legitimate and classy, and in some regards, yes; it absolutely is. But its also fucking God Hand; maybe one of the most batshit, off the wall experiences that we got of the sixth generation.

This is the kitchen sink of action video games. Absolute ridiculous nonsense, and absolutely revels in it. Capcom during this era were pumping some of the best action games ever made during this time, and God Hand truly does feel like a grand last minute after-party. It controls oddly, but when it clicks (and it takes like five minutes for it to) your life is never the same again. Everything is snappy and responsive, stylish and cool, and so intensely customizable and yet; simple, its stupidly impressive. This game is hardcore as hell, and while "this project couldn't be made today" usually makes my eyes roll, I'll say it for this. Playing this game geniunely makes my hands sore, and I don't care for even a second. It is absurdly addicting, every punch and kick has that over the top weight that makes you feel like a God among men. The game is hard, stupidly so, and why wouldn't it be after Devil May Cry 3 was such a landmark title for Capcom; but when you play well, you feel like you're on top of the world.

The absurdity of this game also seeps well into the games concepts too. What it lacks in environments, it makes up for by doing every gaudy over-the-top decision Capcom made and then some in this game. The first thing that happens in this game is Gene complaining to his partner that a bunch of mooks he is about to beat up are sexier than her; and then youre literally kicking them across the entire map not even a minute later. Trying to explain what happens in this game wouldn't do it justice; it knows what it is and it probably knows you love every second of it, and yeah, I do, and clearly everyone else does too.

This is one of those pieces of art that in the moment, it feels like the greatest thing to ever exist. And obviously, God Hand is not the greatest game of all time; but fuck it, maybe it should be. My hands hurt while writing this after beating the final boss of the game and I couldn't be happier.