Conquering the island of Melanat feels like such an unforeseeable fortune at first, you'd never have an inkling of that. Little by little, exhaustively exploring it while covering all the bases, it dawned on me: I had seen it through. Long live Alexander!

The true Metroidvania. I really wish I had gone blind into this pilgrimage like I did with Super Metroid, ‘cause my jaw would’ve been dropping harder than the Gaping Dragon’s. This is some of the most fun I’ve had exploring and role-playing in a video game (at least until I gave in and donned Havel’s Armour). Sadly, knowing beforehand the binoculars are the best weapon in the game trivialises it. That didn’t stop Ornstein and Smough from piercing my boar-headed, axe-wielding ass a new one.

This game’s renown had my mouth watering after beating Dracula’s Curse. Well, it’s certainly a feast for the eyes and the ears, but it didn’t quite quench my Classicvania thirst. It reminded me a lot of Dark Souls 3: ramping up the pace and giving bosses multifaceted movesets while shifting the focus away from the methodical and weighty gameplay of its bloodline to accommodate said changes. Just as with that game, once I got into the groove, I never felt like putting it down. Maria is funny.

A sequel from the start of the road to the top of the castle, from whence a fountainhead of fresh gimmicks springs. These overflow the journey with their quicksilver fluidity, barring the couple times repetition washed them up. Still, no matter how wickedly tight some new sequences may be, none manage to eclipse the enemy placement masterclass that was Death's antechamber in the original. Mind you, from Vampire Killer's triumphant return up to the credits, the game tries real hard to upstage it.

Fighting Death without a sub-weapon was ill-advised

tun-tururuntun tun-tururuntun tun “¡Eh, que nos vamos de vacaciones a Asso!” tururururún

In lieu of the lugubrious presentation and unwieldy controls à la Resident Evil at the inception of the series’ lineage, blue-blooded boss battles would gain ascendancy in its pedigree from this game on. These might not capitalise on Dante’s full, expanded arsenal the way they did in the original, but they tower over those in terms of putting the "show" in “Showtime!” Instead of sticking to my guns the whole time like in its prequel, I opted for Royalguard Style and it was a hell of a ride.

“It is time to end your pitiful life NOW”

A small Enemy Step for Dante, a giant leap for Kamiya kino.

Alfheim shed light on the game's penumbra, thereby obliquely guiding bitches into a flamboyant play style more suitable for a witch. Bayonetta’s sensual moves likewise seduced me, enough for me to reach her climax, even if only once in a blue moon. Combos gracefully extended via offset dodges are the real crux of the combat system and engender a feeling of glamour which is nothing short of glorious. Devoting myself to one of these games is a temptation I’m looking forward to giving in to.

Andaluces de Jaén,
aceituneros altivos,
decidme en el alma: ¿de quién?
¿De quién son estos olivos?

I came looking for a new type of control scheme to try out and found a set of thorough universal mechanics and a unique cast of charismatic characters, which make for a fighting game that rocks through and through. It’s the kind of game the top-level play footage of which I drool over. Baiken main (not that it matters, I don't have basic fighting game fundamentals down).

Forasmuch as I never appear to be getting anywhere, I haven’t made enough progress to be making such bold statements, but I came into the game expecting a Metroidvania and, much to my surprise, what was awaiting me was a Metroid1ia, a seemingly endless one at that. I might do as with that game and look up a guide, damning as that may be. The only thing I want to know is how to begin to tackle this game. Maybe I just haven't committed hard enough to what the game asks of me.

It's a fun game to jump around in. If some quests weren’t as roundabout as the way of raking through the world is, maybe I’d have less of a monkey on my back and more of the pigs in their bags.

I didn't expect this game to wind up being such a blissful outing