Recently I've been trying to raise my overall completion percentage and have been trying to get the rest of the trophies in games I never got far in. For some reason I decided I wanted to play a shitty game, so I chose this one. I wanted to play something bad and be able to say hey look, I did it. And goddamnit did I do it, platinum and all.

This game is like, twilight for forty year old men. Does your dad have a lot of tattoos and wear shirts that say "Don't Tread on Me" or "Facts Don't Care About Your Feelings"? He'd probably like this game.

Originally I couldn't even beat the first level before abandoning it. I gave it a half star, did a quick rant and called it a day but now am I so glad I finished it because everything about this game was unintentionally hilarious. It tries to take itself so seriously, there is not a single hint of irony or self awareness. This game thinks its cool as fuck, as evident by the ridiculous title - and that is the only saving grace.

Make no mistake, this game doesnt get the honor of "so bad its good" Its just bad. But it is the laughable-ness that will keep you sane through the 8-12 hour runtime. So many parts of this game are silly that at one point I told my boyfriend I was worried that there was so much I'd forget some of it for this review, and honestly thats probably true.

Firstly the character models are all pretty ugly. Most of them look like stock assets. All the characters suck too. The main character, Cahal, looks like discount Captain Price and has about as much substance as an empty jar of peanut butter. None of the characters are really all that likeable or memorable, the only one i thought was cool is just because he has an eyepatch, and the only one I kind of liked is just killed randomly offscreen. The story itself is also pretty pisspoor, and I tuned out for nearly the entirety of it. Tries to throw in some weird dialogue choices like the game actually earns to share a similarity to Mass Effect. None of these choices matter until at the end where you can chose between two endings, but both are bad. The game tries to be emotional at a few parts but the acting makes it funny and its not like you care about whats happening to begin with.
The animations, particularly for takedowns are also very goofy. Outside locations have visual variety but nearly every single indoor combat/stealth section looks almost identical. You will see the exact same assets over and over again.

That leads me to the gameplay itself. There are a few hub world areas where your main groups camp is literally within a mornings stroll away from enemy bases and military strongholds. Its not like you're in hiding either, it is explicitly shown the enemies know that you're right next to them. Its just incredibly silly and the game would of worked better if it kept to being linear. Theres not much to do in these areas either, except for a few collectibles and sidequests. These collectibles come in two types: notes and "spirits". The notes Im being honest I didnt read a single one I couldnt be bothered to give a fuck about the game. Maybe they gave more about the lore but the game doesnt even bother to explain itself outside of it so I couldnt be bothered either. The spirits are things you can only see in your enhanced vision™ that every third person game has. Theyre basically like magical plants that Cahal just stands there and sniffs for experience. Yeah, its funny. The sidequests are all just busy work with objectives similar to what you do in the base game already. These are completely pointless, and all they serve to do is give you more experience. If you dont plan to platinum this (which frankly having a sub 1% platinum is the only reason you should play this) then you can skip them and nothing of value is lost. This experience is used to upgrade your skill tree. Mostly to give yourself more combat abilities, with some being tactical. These are all fine, I guess. Maybe about half the abilities are actually useful, and you can get to one of the ultimate ones incredibly quickly anyways.
Now there is the combat itself. Most sections allow you to do stealth. The stealth is bad. The areas are poorly designed, mechanics are only introduced in the first few missions and just continue through the rest of the game. Plus it creates a very big disconnect, if you cause a huge ruckus and get reinforcements called on you in one area, the next area wont have enemies on alert anyways. You have a crossbow that you can upgrade to allow you to shoot cameras and turrets to disable them, but the aiming on that is terrible. Also a lot of levels towards the end have big enemies guarding exits that can neither be taken down or killed in a timely manner with the crossbow, making stealth basically useless. Which is okay, because most of the time you're just gonna opt for the actual combat because its a lot more fun.
In all honesty its the only good thing about the game, but even then its not great. Its basic hack and slash stuff, you'll get some new moves from the skill tree but nothing will make you change up your gameplay. Theres a few different enemy types but you can fight them all basically the same. There is no incentive, not even cool combos, to do anything other than spam your moves until you win. Id say at least visually it looks nice but... not really. Outside of one boss the enemy designs are all pretty meh. There is a lot of blood but absolutely zero gore which is another thing that makes this game so hard to take seriously despite its desperate attempts. It especially makes the executions look terrible. and the enemies dont even get bloodied themselves. The game isnt particularly hard either, but it does get kinda bullshit as you go on, lots of battles just go on way too long with so many enemies and its really more annoying than anything.
The combat is passable for the most part, but by the end you're gonna wanna opt for the terrible stealth instead so you dont have to sit through another shitty battle. Except you cant. Because remember? Big enemy boy is camping the exit.

This has no effect on the quality of the game itself, but I feel like it has to be mentioned. The trophy list despite the low percentages is really easy. Just nobody wants to get far in this game. I however only gave this a second chance because of trophies, and am still a bit shocked at me actually going through with this. The game does have a lot of miscellanious trophies which I do like, but they are so incredibly easy that by the end of the second mission I had every single one of them besides one for an enemy that hadnt been introduced yet. Theres a silver trophy for killing 250 enemies that I got in the first level. Theres also a few times where you will get two story trophies at the exact same time, for just doing one thing. Theres also one for getting every single spirit. There is no way to track them or even chapter select so if you miss one you'll have to play the entire game a second time and I hope nobody puts themself through that. You also get one for each ending choice. You can continue from your completed save but it just puts you after you made the choice anyways, which is a bruh moment, Thankfully you can just restart the mission. Like I said it doesnt really matter, and going for trophies helped me get through it, its just a bit hilarious how poorly they were all thought out and is kind of an example of how the rest of the game is.

So thats Werewolf: The Apocalypse - Earthblood. If I did have one positive, its that I like the metal song on the title screen. Other than that I hope Ive demonstrated how much of a mess this game is, and I didnt even cover everything. This game is far from the worst I've played, but its definitely one of the worst I've beat. Thanks for reading <3

God I hope theres a sequel. And I hope its not much better.

Trophy Completion - 100% (Platinum #213)
Time Played: 12 hours 21 minutes
Nancymeter - 36/100
Game Completion #115 of 2022
September Completion #5

Dragon Quest XI is a phenomenal game. It stands firm as one of the greatest JRPGs I’ve personally ever experienced, and I expect is among the greatest titles within the genre of all time.
I have a lot to say about this title so for those of you who may not want to read 158 hours’ worth of thoughts, I’ll summarise it briefly here: The gameplay, polish and presentation of Dragon Quest XI is off the charts. Everything works and looks exactly as it should, there are basically no instances where you’ll find yourself against impossible odds or hit a wall of “bullshit”, it just works. It’s also incredibly accessible to players of all preferences and skill-levels, this game was made to be enjoyed by anyone and in my honest opinion, it succeeds. So, let’s get into it a little deeper.

It's worth mentioning that I will not be discussing major spoilers in this review, however if you’re familiar with JRPG or anime tropes/cliches there will be allusions to those which may reveal some minor or incredibly “standard”/expected beats.

Starting off with the first and perhaps most important thing the DQ XI experience offers:

ACCESSIBILTY.

Dragon Quest XI does not come with traditional difficulty options, much like the majority of more classic JRPGs. What it does do, however, is give players several ways to make it easier or harder to fit their own preference. The biggest of these are the “Draconian Quest” options presented upon starting a new game, a list of settings that you can decide before playing if you’d prefer to enable or disable. These include certain challenge modes like No Shopping or No Armour, Reduced Experience, Shypox – a randomly triggered status ailment that embarrasses you/your allies -, and my personal favourite: “Party Wiped Out if Protagonist Perishes”
That’s right. You can disable one of the most frustrating and often merciless features of classic JRPGs. Thank the Gods.
The caveat with these modifiers is that if you disable all of them then you can’t adjust them once you’re in the game, however I believe that anything you enable can be later disabled via a save point without consequence.

This isn’t the only way that DQ XI makes itself more accessible to suit your play style though, oh no. One of the most impressive features of this title is one that honestly didn’t really hit me fully until I’d tried it myself: 2D Mode. The entire game, start to finish, can be played in either a modern 3D style, complete with interactive combat where you can move around the battlefield and watch gorgeous attack animations, or a classic 2D mode, returning to the use of flashing sprites and screen shakes instead. Both modes have redesigned locations to accommodate the dimensions available in each, and my favourite difference between the two: random encounters - or more importantly – lack thereof.
If you prefer the old school 2D sprite-based, synthesised, random-encounter-ridden experience of old JRPGs, you can have that. If you’d rather see the world in beautiful 3D, run around the overworld yourself and be able to actively avoid enemies roaming the lands, you can have that too! The entire. Fecking. Game. Honestly who does that?! Square went above and beyond making the whole game twice just to make sure EVERYONE could enjoy it, it’s absurd and I cannot respect this decision enough.
You can switch between 2D and 3D mode at any time, and if your save file in 3D mode is further along than in 2D, you can select which chapter of the game to pick up from in 2D and just keep going, meaning there is (once again) no consequence for playing around and trying both out. [I’m not certain if the same applies going from 2D to 3D but I would expect so?]

Believe it or not, I’m not done. I mentioned the Draconian Quest difficulty modifiers earlier, and how they can be used to adjust the difficulty of the game from the start/at any time if enabled. But another, more subtle, thing that DQ XI does to ensure no-one gets left behind is giving the player freedom for 99%, if not all, of the game. Let me explain.
I’m sure we’ve all hit walls in games where we get stuck, the boss is simply too hard, our party are under-levelled, poorly equipped, we weren’t prepared to face a challenge and our last save was x amount of time ago. With no other choice, we’re forced to lose progress to train harder and make push any further. This will not happen in Dragon Quest XI, I can guarantee it. You may find a boss you can’t beat, absolutely (although in all honesty this will most likely only be late into Act III when the difficulty is amped up and more things become optional than not,) but you will never be in a position where you can’t just load to right before the fight, go away and prepare to return stronger.

At one point in Act II, there is a part where you need to defend an area from a large-scale attack. “Oh shit.” I thought, “This is where I may well meet my first roadblock. I hope I saved recently just in case I’m too weak for this.” – Arriving at the front line, I saw an NPC with a marker on the mini-map, speaking to him, well it made me laugh honestly. He essentially told me “If the enemies prove too strong, try going into that cave there and honing your skills while we hold them off” … I’m sorry, what? The front lines of this story-locked battle offer a save point and a dungeon specifically to grind in? Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if I was able to rest/heal and go back to the nearest store as well, I couldn’t believe it.
This game was made so that it can be played by everyone. And it absolutely can. I would confidently say that the only thing less-experienced players might struggle with is the final-final boss (and the optional post-game bosses ofc, but assuming they’re not here for those anyway), but the final boss of the game can be significantly weakened in 1 turn using a trick that the game teaches you, urges you to do and makes it impossible to miss, so even that battle I’d wager you can manage.

Just to finish up, the game also has settings to adjust the battle speed, whether the score is symphonic or synthetic, the DQ VIII OST is available as well and every single thing I’ve mentioned here can be adjusted at any time, without consequence. (Besides enabling the Draconian Quest modifiers if they’re all disabled at the start)
With all that said, let’s talk about the game itself:

WHAT IS DRAGON QUEST XI S: ECHOES OF AN ELUSIVE AGE?

Dragon Quest XI – as I’m sure you know by now – is a grand open world JRPG adventure, following our Hero in his journey from the small town of Cobblestone as he learns of and fulfils his destiny as the Luminary of Legend. It’s a tale as old as time, and the heads up I gave at the start about common tropes is because, at its very core, the A-plot of the game is somewhat… generic. But with a world this rich of diverse locations, captivating characters and a plethora of really good B-plots and mini-arcs, the main story doesn’t need to be anything else. It’s a vessel. It’s what drives us on our way through the game and provides us all the experiences along the way. That’s not to say that the A-plot doesn’t have its own surprises, some of the biggest story beats left me utterly bewildered. But if you were to summarise it to its most basic form; it’s good guy goes to stop bad guy, init.
So what sets it apart from every other JRPG with this cliché, “fabled hero” premise?

THE PACING.

The pacing of this game, particularly in Act I, is superb. Everything that happens does so at a reasonable scale, every new development that sounds like it may drag proves that expectation wrong, I can’t think of a single moment in Act I where a setting or arc overstayed its welcome. Now this doesn’t mean that it’s rushed either. There are absolutely a couple parts where the task at hand feels like it should have taken longer than it does, or where something that’s needed is just conveniently discovered, but honestly in a game that runs most players around 100 hours or more I really struggle to criticise there being a handful of these moments across all 3 Acts. There are times in Act II or III where an arc or dungeon runs on a little longer than it maybe should, but with these the option to run by enemies and get through them more quickly is available to you anyway (in 3D) so again this is more a comment than a complaint.

THE COMBAT.

The combat system in DQ XI, while simple, is one of the most fun systems I’ve played in a standard turn-based RPG to date. It’s hard to put into words why exactly it feels so good, but the things I think that warrant the most attention are the control you have over the party and just how dynamic everything is (again, in 3D. 2D battles lose a lot of this flare and in my opinion are vastly inferior – but for those who long for the days of old, have at it!) The combat in DQ XI see the party and enemies facing off in a battlefield fitting to the location it was initiated, a ring surrounding them on the ground within which the controlled member can move freely or exit the ring to attempt an escape.

The party can be controlled using either by direct commands or via ‘tactics’, anyone familiar with turn-based combat is surely familiar with these, and the behaviour of any member on the team can be set to anything from the list independently – including the Hero. When playing in 3D, the turns are visually demonstrated in real-time, in that if your party attacks 1 thru 4, you will select and perform the action for each member in that order. If the turn order is Hero > Enemy > Party Member 3 > PM 2 > Enemy > PM 4, you will select the action for each party member on their turn, making it possible to react to the battle as it happens.
(In 2D mode, the actions are all selected at the start of the round, and play out as selected using the turn order, which is obviously harder as it removes this reactive option)
Each party member comes with a variety of skills enabling them to perform actions and wield different weapons to suit, and the beauty of this is that all your equipment can be changed mid-battle on that person’s turn without consequence. Went into a tough fight without a shield? Pop that on as soon as it’s your turn and it won’t cost you a damn thing. Accessibility once again, you can adjust your party on the fly in real time – want to equip a greatsword to use a certain ability and then swap back to a shield while you buff – you can do that!
The combat, like everything else in this game, gives you the tools to play the game the way that you want to. And guess what, those skill points you spent to unlock abilities and strengthen certain branches in an ally’s skill tree? Yeah, you can reset those at any time for so cheap you won’t even notice. Spent 20 levels kitting out Hero as a sword & shield guy but just found a super strong greatsword – refund those skills and get the greatsword branch of the tree filled out, son! This was so useful in helping me adjust my playstyle to certain areas or enemies, or even just to mix up my playstyle and try new things. I’m telling you man the game is for everyone, make it yours.

I would be remiss to discuss the combat without touching on the Pep Powers at least a little. I’ve mentioned briefly how dynamic the combat is in 3D, every attack has an appropriate animation, the characters leap toward the enemy before swinging and leap back after if you’re standing further away, this offers no tactical advantage, but it looks good y’know? It’s so much more engaging than the 2D alternative where you see a flash or a flutter of sparkles across the screen and the enemy sprites flicker. Pep Powers take this to another level, basically being super-moves that can be used when a party member becomes “pepped up”, a status effect that buffs their stats and unlocks said skills. This effect is typically unlocked when taking damage and is most easily acquired by just blocking for a few rounds and tanking a couple blows at reduced damage.

The Pep Powers themselves function similarly to things in other games, the Showtime! Events in Persona 5 Royal for example, or All Out Attacks from the same franchise. They use 2, 3 or 4 members of the party to come together and perform something spectacular. There are LOADS of these skills, bespoke to different characters and combinations of such. Some require only the user to be pepped up while others require all participants to be, it’s insane how much variety there is. Some of them utilise unlocked skills to put enemies to sleep before whacking them, others form great shields around the party, turn a member to steel before launching them at the enemy like a cannonball (and most importantly for those of you hoping to grind levels) massively boost the exp gained from a battle and change the enemies into metal slimes, the rarest monster that reward insane exp even without the previous boost. These all look superb and there are so many I doubt I’ve even seen half of them. In short, the combat just feels amazing and even after 158 hours I could happily spend another 100 fighting with this system. That said, fighting isn’t the only thing you’ll be doing, maybe you’d prefer to get lost in the world and spend more of your time exploring, so how’s that?

THE WORLD.

The world of Dragon Quest XI is just that, a World. In layman’s terms: it’s fucking massive. To put it more poetically: it succeeds in broadening your horizons consistently for the first 2 acts without at any point feeling overwhelming. You start out in a small village, what I like to dub Tutorial Town, it has just enough to teach you the ropes and familiarise you with the game/backstory without overstaying it’s welcome. The first stretch of your journey is to venture out to a major city, a huge deal for you and those around you at the time. The fact you receive a horse to journey on is a ‘wow moment’ for young Hero, horses aren’t needed to get around in Tutorial Village, just how big is the rest of the world? A horse is not the only means of transport you will acquire throughout this game. I wasn’t expecting any of what I got, and each time new places opened up to me I felt a similar sense of awe as in those early moments. “I can go where!?” In hindsight my JRPG knowledge should have prepared me for this, but that’s just how immersed I became in my travels. Hero is – unfortunately – a silent protagonist, but the game often makes up for this by succeeding in making you, the player, fill his shoes. More on this later.
Every new location you explore in Dragon Quest XI feels different to the last. Every town or city has a unique design and architecture, inspired by places in our own world and beautifully crafted and populated just enough to feel alive. There are stalls being tended, children playing hide and seek, men standing on piers contemplating their wasted potential. You’re there, man. You’re in Erdrea, it’s hard not to take it all in. Excitedly searching every house for chests, “reading” the books dotted around to unlock new recipes, searching wardrobes for items or mysterious Mini Medals, what are they for and why do they seem to be locked in so many bedrooms? You’ll find out. Dragon Quest does a fantastic job of creating a world in which the story is occurring, as opposed to creating a world to accommodate the story. The locations are all significant and have their own arcs, but they don’t feel as though they are only there so that the plot can happen, rather the plot is happening around/to them. All this talk of plot and arcs brings me nicely to the next important topic.

THE STORY.

I mentioned earlier that the A-plot in this game, when boiled to bare bones, is somewhat generic. And it is. But the story told throughout, and the smaller stories encountered along the way are what really keep this game interesting (besides the characters of course, but we’ll get to that.)
Every location across Erdrea has its own conflict, each acting as an arc that must be completed before it is possible to proceed to the next. While not all stellar, they all do exactly what they need to in terms of introducing new characters or allies and establishing the “vibe” of the new area and its enemies. The majority of them have ties to party members, giving them a more personal feel, and even those that don’t are able to tell deeply personal stories of characters we barely know and that have no relation to the A-plot, resulting in every step of this long journey feeling fresh and worth caring about. I won’t go into too much detail on this for obvious reasons, but some examples include a prince who has been faking his capabilities, a village using a mural to attract tourists that has a dark turn, and an openly (albeit it isn’t explicitly stated) gay man returning to his hometown and facing someone from his childhood, whom he has been avoiding due to his sexuality. Like I said, this world is real, and so are the people in it.

THE CHARACTERS.

You can’t have a great game without great characters. If a game expects you to spend dozens of hours with its cast, then it’s only fair that you expect said cast to be enjoyable to be around. Given that Dragon Quest follows a typical party structure, how exactly does it make that interesting? Well.
The stand-out in the cast by far is Sylvando, who takes the role of Performer. This court jester-esque circus veteran has enough charm and personality for the whole group. He’s flamboyant, he’s talented, strong, emotional, empathetic, funny and his sense of justice is admirable to say the least. DQ XI would not be the same without him and he’s got two – yes, two - of the most interesting arcs within the game, each wildly different from the other. (Also him being gay isn’t played for laughs and he’s well respected. He is not a caricature.)
The rest of the cast are similarly unique with their own personalities shining through in all the right ways. Veronica is my personal favourite, a bratty know-it-all who’s got more sass than 2B has ass and will make sure everyone you meet knows it. The others vary between being a little close to cliché and really interesting, if only for certain arcs, but I won’t get into those because a lot of what makes these people who they are is related to their arcs and stories. There it is again, right? The characters are real, they’re made of their experiences with the world.

And it doesn’t stop there either, every city or town has its named side characters, even side quests can pump a heavy dose of personality and backstory into a random nobody who just wants you to help them find their son or fix their marriage. There is even a whole-ass town where everyone talks in haiku for…some reason. There are inns being run by kids while their parents are sick, why? I don’t know but I remember it don’t I? It’s the little things.
The characters – bar those who serve only to populate the towns of course – are all, people… Except for Hero, sadly. Almost every step this game suffers from the usual “another party member has announced what to do” or has someone look at you and say “Hm? You’re thinking of doing this, aren’t you?” … Hero works as a great self-insert for the exploration elements of this game, but this whole silent protagonist thing is dated. It’s not the end of the world, I wouldn’t say that it ruins anything per se, but it’s the weakest part of the writing by far, and with characters like Sylv and Veronica by his side it sticks out like a sore thumb.

THE THREE ACT STRUCTURE.

Initially, I had planned to structure this review in the same way as the game, getting the main points out of the way first, and then covering each act for what it is separately without giving away why or how they’re so different. But I’ve talked enough, by this point you’re either sold and are willing to give DQ XI a try, or you hate JRPGs and stopped reading 3,000 words ago – I won’t judge.
Instead, I’d like to summarise how I felt about the Acts briefly and give my thoughts on why I think all three hold up:
This will have the most spoiler-y content, but will still be as vague as humanly possible so that at worst the ‘cliché’ story beats may become apparent

ACT I – The first act is very much an adventure; discovering new places, meeting new people, and learning about what exactly the Luminary of Legend is and what you’re going to need to do. Banish a Dark power to maintain or restore light? Got it. Step 1 is getting to Yggdrasil, lesgo. You reach it, stuff happens, that’s Act I.

ACT II – The second act is also an adventure of sorts but is less about finding the world and more about finding the inner strength of the party. Until now they’d all known the legend and wanted to help, but how exactly will they become what is required to complete such a feat? Act II is the training arc, if you will, but it goes deeper than just punching some slimes and telling yourself you can do this. It’s the slowest of the Acts, but it’s necessary.

ACT III – The final act is the one in which you’ll be doing the most free-roaming, optional quests and bosses and ultimately ‘grinding’ for that super boss at the end. In a way, the world is almost different now, so returning to locations rewards you with new mini-arcs to be done, generally related to the ones before it but met in a new light (poetic, right?) Initially I wasn’t the biggest fan of what this Act serves to do, but by the end I am wholly satisfied by the experience all the same.

Of the three, Act I was my favourite in terms of pacing and discovery, Act II was my favourite in terms of story and characters, and Act III was my favourite in terms of freedom and gameplay. The world is yours to play with, go ham!

THE VERDICT.

Dragon Quest XI is a game like no other. When looked at as a complete package, everything together as one, you can both see and feel the ungodly amount of thought and care than went into creating it. It’s polished beyond belief and literally everything it does just works. As intended. As described.
If you’ve read all this and you still aren’t sure if the game is for you – although honestly, how? lmao - the best thing I can suggest is trying it for yourself because guess what? The game has a free demo on Switch and Playstation, and I believe is available on Gamepass. Just go play it!
I put this title off for years because I couldn’t get over how ridiculous Toriyama’s art style looked to me. I was never into DBZ and the fact half the villagers are just blobs with eyes physically put me off. I persevered and would now go so far as to call this game beautiful. The cutscenes especially are gorgeous. Trust me whatever is putting you off just give it a try. It’s free!

I don’t know if I’ll ever get an experience like this again. I don’t speak lightly when I say that this is far and away one of the best JRPGs I’ve ever played. No other game has had me excitedly spam “!!!! The game has [this]!!” or “omg you can do [that]!?” so many times to my girlfriend while playing. Every gripe I take with JRPGs is acknowledged and addressed – with the sole exception being the silent protagonist. It’s amazing. The only reason this game only made #4 in my Top Rated is because FF7R is in a league of its own; with characters, writing and a combat system that are unrivalled to me personally. And because Persona has had such an impossible impact on me with its music, charm, characters, and calendar system that I couldn’t rightfully consider DQ XI to be “more significant” to me personally. But as a game? Oh it’s #2 baby, dare I say it could take #1 if we look at it strictly from a mechanical level.
If you’re a fan of JRPGs, just play it, seriously. You read all this you could’ve been out of Tutorial Village by name, socks blown off already!

And with all that said, thank you for reading this. I hope you got something out of it and look forward to being called a Jade simp in the comments 😊

MISC COMMENTS AND HONOURABLE MENTIONS.

That’s right bitches, I have even more to say!
I’ve rambled enough so I’ll make this more of a list:
- Some armour changes your appearance, appearance can be set without equipping the matching armour, pog.
- The music could definitely afford to be better. I’ve seen complaints that it’s “bad” and idk that I’d go that far but it could use some more unique tracks and more than one combat theme
- The voice acting is great, love me some British and Scottish accents as always. There are some scenes with “singing” that aren’t dubbed which is weird but eh, drop in the pond.
- I experienced no glitches or bugs in my 158 hours of playtime.
- The 2D Tickington side quests are mostly short and pretty easy. They’re related to the previous games and while I haven’t played those to recognise places/people I still enjoyed doing them.
- The platinum requirements for this are not nearly as daunting as they appear, and the final costume for Jade can be cheesed using 2D level select instead of beating the ultra mega fuck-you secret post-game boss.
- That boss can suck my dick.
- Jade is hot.

I love you all thank you for coming to my TED Talk, stay safe and have fun! I’ll see you at the Dragon Quest XII premiere <3

Pyre is a shockingly cohesive game. When I first learned that Pyre was a "sports - virtual novel hybrid" my first thought was about how that could possibly work. The fact that it does is a testament to how well this game is designed.

The best thing about Pyre is the Rites (the sports matches). Like any good sport the rules are simple, however there is a lot of depth to the gameplay, and the game will never stop pushing you to find that depth. The fast paced and high stakes nature of the Rites makes them thrilling and engaging to perform. Part of the way the game accomplishes this is by characterizing the opposing teams effectively. The opponents will never be just a nameless enemy, they will have motives, and mostly likely a bone to pick against you. There are significant consequences to winning or losing that go beyond just leveling up, but effect the story to.

Although Pyre has virtual novel elements, the game is actually fairly light on story and dialogue. There is a significant amount of it, but its never overwhelming, and it'll never get in the way of the star of the show, the Rites. The story has good themes and is compelling, and the characters get just enough time for you care about them.

I only have one nitpick, which is the hard mode. This mode is locked until you beat the game so this won't affect the average player, but its still a minor flaw. The main issue is that the increases in difficulty aren't fun, because they change the rules of the game in a way that feel unfair. Sports matches are all balanced sides, and the difficulty modifiers tip the scales in a way that feels very much so unbalanced against the player. I'd much rather have experienced a more organic difficulty increase.

That being said, I still consider Pyre to be amazing. The game has no major flaws, and manages to be great at everything it does. In typical Super Giant fashion, the visuals and music are both excellent. The game is tightly designed and tightly paced. The only thing I'm disappointed about is that so few people have played it. The game is an extremely unique experience and deserves your attention. Play Pyre.