i fucking did it. I am the elden lord. fuck you.

an evil game made by an evil man. awful balancing way too fuckin big too much shit malenia is a bag of dicks to fight awful archaic quest design whack ass moon runes instructions and lore.

also hands down the most beautiful game ive ever played. makes me feel like a kid again. probably objectively the best video game ever made. I feel like god after beating this. I am god after beating this. I would die for my queen ranni.

"Made just for me, like a big fire. Many logs in the fire and I'm the only one sitting there, with a Lotad."
-Anthony AK-47 BabyFace

I'm at this fire, many logs, and i am not sitting with a lotad, i am sitting with Kim. communism, alcohol, drugs and self-loathing. these are a few of my favourite things. that was me being honest but it is also a byline for this game. anything I write about this game does not do it justice. the very idea that it exists just fills my heart with joy. the best written novels in the world dont sound like this. a symphony of beauty. its weird and its funny but its also moving and touching and sweet, brimming with love and empathy for the most extremist and disgusting parts of humanity (except for racist fascists, who dont really deserve it do they?). the music, art, the voice acting, characters, writing, all of it is perfect. there has never been a video game like this before and there will not be one ever again. I used to think new vegas was my favourite game but upon replaying this i have realized i was completely wrong, sorry obsidian. this game does not have big iron but it does have Sad FM. if kim kitsuragi was real i would kiss him on the lips. with tongue. this game changed my life. i only hope to create something with a fraction of its beauty in my lifetime. mankind, be vigilant, we loved you.

really what is a video game? when u think about it? a miserable little pile of secrets. but enough talk. video games are supposed to make you feel like ur the guy in them right. idk bout u guys but i dont wanna be sonic the hedgehog or metal gear guy. all my life i just wanted to be a sick ass skater dude drinkin forties smokin weed goin to little skate jams rippin shit up with the boys. i lack athleticism, a personal problem on my part. i never learned how to skate, and once again this is a personal fault of my own. skate 3 lets me be the guy. I do a lil dickflip when i play this, jump off shit break my bones but yet my guy keeps getting up. all ive ever wanted to do was rip shit up in a suburban neighbourhood and listen to joy division. im also a pussy like im afraid of getting hurt ouchie my head. this game lets me do that. i remember fondly the days when me and the boys would hangout in my garage and because i have adhd or whatever i was constantly playing this while we hung out. i love this game and i love my friends. i would die for both of those things but if u lined my boys up on a wall and said either u kill them or i can never play skate 3 again...

im sorry boys. friendship is temporary, gnarly dickflips are forever.