(This is the 51st game in my challenge to go through many known games in chronological order starting in 1990. The spreadsheet is in my bio.)
Caveman Ninja, Joe & Mac, Caveman Ninja: Joe & Mac, whatever you want to call it, is a platformer that released some time in 1991 for the SNES, MS-DOS, and, in 1994, for the Sega Genesis. Developed and published by Data East (known for Windjammers), this platformer is the worst 'well-known' SNES game I've played to date, not only because it is a rather boring platformer, but because the Arcade version is just so much better for some reason. The Arcade version had better framerate, better sound, better graphical presentation, more diverse and interesting levels, more dynamic boss fights and just in general looks way more fun. As I don't review Arcade games for this challenge though, I was left with the uninspired and truly lazy SNES release that Data East dropped onto the gaming market.
STORYTELLING/CHARACTERS | 2/10
You play Joe, a caveman who has to fight Neanderthal 'nerds' who kidnapped the cavewomen. The prehistoric setting is described as 'days when "rock and roll" was just rock and "fast food" was dinner you couldn't catch.', which I thought was asuming. The main goal here is to go through each level, defeat the boss and rescue a cavewoman, who then run on-screen and give Joe a kiss on the cheek. Joe drops a peace sign and runs off to the next level. It's truly an unga-bunga game in all facets. At the end of the game, the credits roll as Joe & Mac just stand there motionless, smiling. I can only imagine Joe asking Mac where the hell he was while Joe himself was fighting for his life. In truth, this can be played with a buddy, who would control Mac.
GAMEPLAY | 7/20
This is an uninspired as platformers from the early 90s get without being a disaster on a technical level as well. You have access to five weapons, from throwing bones to boomerangs to fire to a stone wheel. They vary in speed that you can throw them and the power behind them. Most of the time, the weaker weapons are useless however. When you hit an enemy enough, they scream in pain and then become invincible for a few seconds and usually hit you with some sort of, let's call it 'super attack'. You wait, hit them again once they can be hit again and repeat this until the health bar depletes. Thing is, for some of the later bosses, if I throw the bones at them, the "screaming" animation plays but the boss doesn't actually lose one health point because the weapon is too weak. Alas, I still have to deal with the invincibility for a few seconds and defend their 'super attack'. But if I were to just use the stone wheel or fire, the bosses always lose one health point when they are hit. So there is no point in using the weaker weapons.
Before you meet the bosses, you do some platforming as you try to avoid those Neanderthal 'nerds', dinosaurs and rocks. It rarely takes you longer than a couple minutes to reach the boss area because all levels here are incredibly short. You could just run through levels without attacking a single enemy and overall they appear mostly pointless.
You have one ability in this game and that is to point upwards while jumping, which allows you to jump further.
In general, there appears to be a shocking lack of f*cks given for the SNES port. Apart from what I just mentioned, the devs just start re-using bosses in the second half of the game (they don't really become more difficult either). Apart from that one ability, if you can call that an ability, you can only run forward and throw your weapons. That's pretty boring. A level or two in and you've already seen it all.
MUSIC/SOUND/VOICE | 6/10
No voice acting. The OST is focused on two themes. Stone age and positive vibes. Most of the tracks will sound similar to many other games that try to go for the positive vibes theme, which isn't a bad thing but means the soundtrack for this game is pretty average with its use of the xylophone, flute and bongos that you'll instantly be familiar with. Out of all, I'd say the 'Stone Age Skirmish' boss music is the one that will sound most recognizable should I listen to the OST again in the future.
GRAPHICS/ART DESIGN | 5/10
It's not that good looking compared to the other SNES games that were available at this time. There is a nice variety of colors here and there, the general design of the levels are somewhat varied, but where this game again fails is in attention to detail. The sprite work is meh, the design of the water for example is just a jagged lines and blue color and no animation to it and speaking of animations, I've seen plenty of NES games with much, much better animation quality and depth than in this game.
ATMOSPHERE | 6/10
This is a stone age themed video game alright.
CONTENT | 4/10
Apart from the very short levels and the lack of variety in most aspects of this game, there are a few secret levels you can unlock by figuring out a way to collect equally secret keys that unlock these secret levels. You catch my drift? So say, in the first level for example, where you need to crack open an egg which releases a flying dinosaur that flies around for a bit, and if you stand still, picks you up and flies you off to one of these secret levels. Those are nice, but not that easy to find and apart from them, there isn't anything else to get you hooked.
LEVEL/MISSION DESIGN | 3/10
I mentioned that levels were short. But only until you play the game will you notice how short some levels are. There is one level in particular where you simply need to jump up a few times. In 10-15 seconds, you already reach the boss. What? There are some that also take a minute or less, and none take longer than 3-5 minutes, which would be an average level length for other platformers. It doesn't help that bosses are re-used in the second half, and multiple times as well.
CONCEPT/INNOVATION | 1/10
Literally nothing about this game is innovative in the slightest. This goes double for the SNES version. I'd even say it is worthy of a -1, because it sell the capabilities of the SNES well short. But in its form, all it does is use a bunch of elements from other platformers in a worse way and add its stone age theme to it.
REPLAYABILITY | 2/5
Hard to say that this game is worth the initial full playthrough. But if you do enjoy it, your main motivation to play again will be to figure out how to unlock those secret levels and to beat your high score.
PLAYABILITY | 5/5
The game worked well at all times.
OVERALL | 41/100
A very skippable game. It doesn't take advantage of the SNES at all from a graphical and technical standpoint, it's a much worse version than the one for the Arcades, it's in general a rather basic platformer, very repetitive and lacks features. Not the worst game of the year, but a Top 5 contender.
Caveman Ninja, Joe & Mac, Caveman Ninja: Joe & Mac, whatever you want to call it, is a platformer that released some time in 1991 for the SNES, MS-DOS, and, in 1994, for the Sega Genesis. Developed and published by Data East (known for Windjammers), this platformer is the worst 'well-known' SNES game I've played to date, not only because it is a rather boring platformer, but because the Arcade version is just so much better for some reason. The Arcade version had better framerate, better sound, better graphical presentation, more diverse and interesting levels, more dynamic boss fights and just in general looks way more fun. As I don't review Arcade games for this challenge though, I was left with the uninspired and truly lazy SNES release that Data East dropped onto the gaming market.
STORYTELLING/CHARACTERS | 2/10
You play Joe, a caveman who has to fight Neanderthal 'nerds' who kidnapped the cavewomen. The prehistoric setting is described as 'days when "rock and roll" was just rock and "fast food" was dinner you couldn't catch.', which I thought was asuming. The main goal here is to go through each level, defeat the boss and rescue a cavewoman, who then run on-screen and give Joe a kiss on the cheek. Joe drops a peace sign and runs off to the next level. It's truly an unga-bunga game in all facets. At the end of the game, the credits roll as Joe & Mac just stand there motionless, smiling. I can only imagine Joe asking Mac where the hell he was while Joe himself was fighting for his life. In truth, this can be played with a buddy, who would control Mac.
GAMEPLAY | 7/20
This is an uninspired as platformers from the early 90s get without being a disaster on a technical level as well. You have access to five weapons, from throwing bones to boomerangs to fire to a stone wheel. They vary in speed that you can throw them and the power behind them. Most of the time, the weaker weapons are useless however. When you hit an enemy enough, they scream in pain and then become invincible for a few seconds and usually hit you with some sort of, let's call it 'super attack'. You wait, hit them again once they can be hit again and repeat this until the health bar depletes. Thing is, for some of the later bosses, if I throw the bones at them, the "screaming" animation plays but the boss doesn't actually lose one health point because the weapon is too weak. Alas, I still have to deal with the invincibility for a few seconds and defend their 'super attack'. But if I were to just use the stone wheel or fire, the bosses always lose one health point when they are hit. So there is no point in using the weaker weapons.
Before you meet the bosses, you do some platforming as you try to avoid those Neanderthal 'nerds', dinosaurs and rocks. It rarely takes you longer than a couple minutes to reach the boss area because all levels here are incredibly short. You could just run through levels without attacking a single enemy and overall they appear mostly pointless.
You have one ability in this game and that is to point upwards while jumping, which allows you to jump further.
In general, there appears to be a shocking lack of f*cks given for the SNES port. Apart from what I just mentioned, the devs just start re-using bosses in the second half of the game (they don't really become more difficult either). Apart from that one ability, if you can call that an ability, you can only run forward and throw your weapons. That's pretty boring. A level or two in and you've already seen it all.
MUSIC/SOUND/VOICE | 6/10
No voice acting. The OST is focused on two themes. Stone age and positive vibes. Most of the tracks will sound similar to many other games that try to go for the positive vibes theme, which isn't a bad thing but means the soundtrack for this game is pretty average with its use of the xylophone, flute and bongos that you'll instantly be familiar with. Out of all, I'd say the 'Stone Age Skirmish' boss music is the one that will sound most recognizable should I listen to the OST again in the future.
GRAPHICS/ART DESIGN | 5/10
It's not that good looking compared to the other SNES games that were available at this time. There is a nice variety of colors here and there, the general design of the levels are somewhat varied, but where this game again fails is in attention to detail. The sprite work is meh, the design of the water for example is just a jagged lines and blue color and no animation to it and speaking of animations, I've seen plenty of NES games with much, much better animation quality and depth than in this game.
ATMOSPHERE | 6/10
This is a stone age themed video game alright.
CONTENT | 4/10
Apart from the very short levels and the lack of variety in most aspects of this game, there are a few secret levels you can unlock by figuring out a way to collect equally secret keys that unlock these secret levels. You catch my drift? So say, in the first level for example, where you need to crack open an egg which releases a flying dinosaur that flies around for a bit, and if you stand still, picks you up and flies you off to one of these secret levels. Those are nice, but not that easy to find and apart from them, there isn't anything else to get you hooked.
LEVEL/MISSION DESIGN | 3/10
I mentioned that levels were short. But only until you play the game will you notice how short some levels are. There is one level in particular where you simply need to jump up a few times. In 10-15 seconds, you already reach the boss. What? There are some that also take a minute or less, and none take longer than 3-5 minutes, which would be an average level length for other platformers. It doesn't help that bosses are re-used in the second half, and multiple times as well.
CONCEPT/INNOVATION | 1/10
Literally nothing about this game is innovative in the slightest. This goes double for the SNES version. I'd even say it is worthy of a -1, because it sell the capabilities of the SNES well short. But in its form, all it does is use a bunch of elements from other platformers in a worse way and add its stone age theme to it.
REPLAYABILITY | 2/5
Hard to say that this game is worth the initial full playthrough. But if you do enjoy it, your main motivation to play again will be to figure out how to unlock those secret levels and to beat your high score.
PLAYABILITY | 5/5
The game worked well at all times.
OVERALL | 41/100
A very skippable game. It doesn't take advantage of the SNES at all from a graphical and technical standpoint, it's a much worse version than the one for the Arcades, it's in general a rather basic platformer, very repetitive and lacks features. Not the worst game of the year, but a Top 5 contender.
Reviewed on May 05, 2023