I was so bad at this and getting owned so swiftly that it was actually starting to affect my mood. I can't win at Yu-Gi-Oh. Can't even get a single win. No matter how hard I try or study or practice my opponent has drawn every card necessary to summon 3 powerful Fuck You monsters to the field in a single turn. I don't understand. The training mode doesn't even come close to preparing me for this kind of Getting Owned.

I work a shitty job, am in enormous debt, I can't afford new tires or a new battery for my car, nothing works out in my favor, and I can't win at Yu-Gi-Oh. I remember when the Cleveland Browns didn't win a single game all year. I wonder how the QB, Deshone Kizer, felt during that stretch. You practice, you study, you do everything possible and yet a single win constantly eludes you. That was on a pretty grand stage, in front of millions. My torment is just in my bedroom while I watch Colorado Rockies baseball, hoping their perpetual losing and inability to play baseball with even the slightest bit of competency will give me perspective on how small my inability to win a Children's Card Game is. But it doesn't. I look at the Colorado Rockies and all I see is a mirror, it's like looking at the devil himself, mocking me for my near-constant bumbling and giving me a microcosm of my various financial woes in the form of a Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon being summoned to the field on the second turn just to own me.

If I were younger and still had dreams and aspirations I would probably suffer through the near constant losing just to get a glimpse at what winning a game of Yu-Gi-Oh might look like, but this shit is actually bumming me out. At least when I watch the Shitty Ass Fucking Worthless Colorado Rockies, we are divided by a screen and I am not Nolan Jones letting an easy fly-ball pop out of my glove. Actually BEING that hapless loser is too much for me to bear.

Still highly recommended as it is NOT League of Legends, though.

The good levels are better than EWJ1, but the bad levels are so bad that I think someone should actually be punished for them. Whoever came up with Puppy Love and determined it needed 3 rounds? I want that guy killed, clean shot. Level Ate consantly bombarding you with enemies and salt shakers? The Iron Maiden. The sick fucking monster who brought in the Flyin' King? The Baptist Hell. Suffer endlessly.

I want to rate this higher than Earthworm Jim 1 because there is stuff I love here: the animation is even better and more expressive, the game actually makes me laugh pretty consistently, it's pretty funny! The good levels like Udderly Abducted, Tangerines, Lorenzo's Soil, and Jim Is A Blind Cave Salamander are actually FUN and have INTERESTING GIMMICKS. But the rotten is like a limb blackened by frostbite, functionless and chipping off before your very eyes, and the only thing we need to do is get it to a hospital so amputation can happen.

A game that would gain more stars if content was actively REMOVED. Puppy Love is T.E.R.R.I.B.L.E. I cannot stand by For Pete's Sake being slandered while this nightmare is given a slap on the wrist. The fucking marshmallow you have to bounce the puppies off of has the most inconsistent hitbox in a game loaded with them by a company who is bad at them. It is a level so bad that I actively encourage cheating. If something fucking stinks: cheat. Don't feel bad about it, if it sucks, skip it. Under no circumstance should you beat Puppy Love how they actually intended, because they intended you to be a gaming God who can nail frame precise movements like you are fucking Simple Flips. You are not. I am not. Skip the shitty level.

Love this music though! It's known that Tommy Tallarico did not compose any actual music in his fucking life, and he especially didn't come up with any of the really great original music here. I highly doubt he even had the inspired choice to put Moonlight Sonata in the Salamnder level. It's a very fun soundtrack that once again has its name attached to a ding dong. Can't win with this franchise!

What I suggest is attributing every bad decision to Doug, notorious shithead. Puppy Love? His idea. Flyin' King? He programmed all of it! Level Ate? He wanted MORE Salt shakers! The game goes down so much easier once you do this.

One of my most beloved games from when I was a kid, that on every replay I find something new that I don't like about it. It was animated by a virulent transphobe with nasty fucking nails and Tommy Tallarico regularly lies about having composed the music for it when he absolutely did not. Nice stuff!!

I want to preface it right now, on the Genesis this is a 2 STAR GAME. The PC/Sega CD versions I think are 3 stars for many technical reasons and for having the very fun Big Bruty level.

The Genesis version though kind of SUCKS. It's not because EWJ is already an incredibly uneven game, but because the whip has the most particular hitbox you could imagine, requiring precision that really feels unnecessarily strict. The helicopter head never ever feels like it works right, and makes the Use Your Head portion of the final level nearly fucking impossible. The Genesis version plays so bad that I can see why it being readily available on Switch, along with its insipid creator has lead to people turning HARD on Jim.

The Sega CD version still doesn't play perfect, because at its heart Earthworm Jim is still kind of a mess, but I still think it's light years better than Earthworm Jim 2, which is a game that experiments with every level being the bad level. Tube Race and Snot a Problem are the only levels here that I think are just so shit that it brings the experience down. I think For Pete's Sake is pretty fun actually :)

Levels that are pure platforming challenges are usually pretty fun, with a huge asterisk, as sometimes Jim just doesn't control great or his sprite feels a little bit bigger than it needs to be, but I still think New Junk City, Level 5, and Buttville provide good enough platforming challenges. I am a biased observer though, as I really don't care about most 2D games and would rather playing Earthworm Jim than any boring ass Mega Man game, so take my words with a grain of salt.

The music is great though! It was absolutely not composed by Tallarico, despite his insistence it was. I doubt the Special Edition music was even done by him, even the guitars, as he pretty infamously plays to a backing track with VGL. Can he even play guitar? No one knows! Notice how EWJ2 is credited to him and half of it is music he didn't even compose? Weird, huh. I did listen to the music here a TON growing up, and still think it's brilliant stuff.

What this game is rightfully famous for is the animation, character design, all of it being REALLY great looking. The various Jim idle animations, the way Evil the Cat's gun knocks him back during his boss fight, and, even though it stinks to play, the animations in Snot a Problem are so beautifully done. It's a shame the most annoying piece of shit was behind these!

This game is so hard to go back to today for reasons that honestly don't have much to do with the actual game: it's an eccentric 90s platformer, not much to write home about. The fact that it's attached to the hip to the legacies of the most irritating fucking losers is really brutal. Still worth a shot on the Sega CD or PC, as the Genesis version is too clunky to even recommend casually.