if you played TETRIS ATTACK instead of PANEPON you have been played for an ABSOLUTE FOOL and i shall impress upon you the DEPTH OF YOUR FOLLY

TETRIS ATTACK is for PAWNS and BABIES, UNDERSTUDIES and BIT PLAYERS dancing to the tune of a MADMAN, PERVERSE AND EVIL, the landscape of PEAK 90'S ANIME AESTHETIC EXPUNGED and LEAVENED with LIES by THE FALSE IDOL, YOSHI

will you remain PREY TO HIS AMBITIONS? remain ENSLAVED to a SHAMBLING SHADE OF PERFECTION?

REAL ONES will answer NO

REAL ONES will play PANEPON

It's weird realizing how important this game ended up being in Nintendo's history. The first game developed by Nintendo EAD Tokyo, the team that would go on to develop Super Mario Galaxy and every following 3D Mario until Odyssey (and even then Odyssey's team features most of if not all of the most prominent Tokyo EAD members). It features many mechanics that would end up in Galaxy, like the dandelions you spin off of, the clap in this game having a lot of the functionality of the spin jump, the look and feel of the 2D sections in Galaxy, and a lot of other little things that ended up in Galaxy, even some sound effects.

This game is also significant in terms of Donkey Kong's characterization in future games. With Rare no longer working on DK, this really feels like Nintendo going "Alright let's make him an angry fucking gorilla again". Donkey Kong is out for fucking blood now, no sight of any of the other DKC characters, just him rampaging through different kingdoms to overthrow their leaders and eventually conquer the entire jungle world. Diddy isn't here to be his conscience, he's going to kill until there's nothing left. Definitely a weird move, but honestly very entertaining, and while his more bloodthirsty side has been toned down since, this game did basically create DK's personality, mannerisms, and the general look of the enemies and characters of the world for future DK games. Not only that, but there are a lot of similarities between the enemy and character designs in this game and what would show up in Galaxy as well. Again, just really surreal to realize this game is kind of the beginning of an era for Nintendo.

As for the game itself, this is easily the best use of the DK Bongos. The bongos are kind of lousy as rhythm game peripherals, but as big ass buttons to slap the shit out of in order to beat up a boss, they honestly work really well. At first I was kind of unsure how platforming would feel with these, but this game really encourages a flow in your movement, doing your best to keep yourself off the ground, clapping to interact with objects that'll help you do that, wall jumping and bouncing off enemies and doing your best to keep a combo up. Running and jumping with the bongos ends up feeling completely intuitive, to the point where after playing this game for an extended period of time I was watching someone stream Sonic Generations and when they moved to the right I was like "oh, they hit the right drum on their bongo", like this game is so much better at putting you in a rhythm trance than the actual fucking rhythm game that uses the same peripheral.

Bosses are also good here, they require good reflexes and movement but never demand too much out of the limited options. The Kong bosses end up not being great though because the timing on dodging is really weird and delayed, but it's still cool that they have a sort of Punch-Out type feel to them.

My biggest gripe though is that, well, the bongos never really prove themselves to be an ideal way to play any game, for a couple reasons. First of all, this game gets tiring very easily, and getting tired leads to weaker claps, which the game definitely has trouble picking up. It's funny, Donkey Konga had the exact opposite problem, where the mic basically picked up any sound of any volume made near it as a clap, but here I found myself repeatedly clapping in order to make sure I hit something on time, and as I got more tired that problem got a lot more frustrating. Water levels are really annoying to navigate with the movement options given, and there are a bit too many moments of trying to figure out how to pull off a certain move or jump that aren't really fun, especially in a game that's all about keeping up a combo in order to get the best score needed to progress further in the game. Anytime the game wanted me to do a slam I struggled to do it in one try, for some reason the input for it is really picky, even though it's the same input for jumping but just in midair.

After 12 levels, the game plays credits and then tells you there are four more levels, but in order to unlock all of them you need to go back and get gold medals on every previous level. This involves keeping the best combos possible and having the least amount of errors when it comes to boss fights, and while I could see myself having fun perfecting these levels, I am not a child in the year 2005, I am an adult in the year 2021 and I don't feel like devoting the time that Donkey Kong is demanding of me. But this is definitely the game to get the DK Bongos for, no contest, and it's a really fun thing that I'm glad I got to finally play.

Quality = 5 / 5
Gameplay = 5 / 5
Story = 5 / 5
Soundtrack = 5 / 5
Pacing = 5 / 5
Enjoyability = 5 / 5
Challenge = 5 / 5

Overall = 5 / 5