Today, in the lemony light by your grave,
I recited Merrill: Why did I flinch? I loved you, then touched
the damp and swelling mud, blue hyacinths
your mother planted there—
ants were swarming the unfinished plot of earth
like the black text of an infinite alphabet. I couldn’t
read it. There was no epiphany, just dirt, the vast curtain
between this realm and the other. You never speak to me,
I thought, not even in dreams.
- excerpt from "Dirt and Light", Aria Aber
launched this back up today to see if it'd been long enough to finish the thing and stop guilting myself every time i looked at my steam library over not returning. the easy answer would be if i could say i'd dropped it specifically because she was gone but of course i know i'd put it down before then bc it's still there, when i go back through the chatlogs.
a piecemeal approach to the prosecution of enlightenment
it is very unsurprising, now, that you put down the longing
whereas i mainlined it until i found "the wonder"
and i think you might come out ahead, in the end
closing the book on this game has not led me to any great revelation, merely the continued knowledge that for external reasons i pretty much lost all desire to engage with/potential to get anything out of it a long time ago, even if by its very nature i was still 'playing along', in a way. an unsatisfying end, but what else is new.
🌫️
I recited Merrill: Why did I flinch? I loved you, then touched
the damp and swelling mud, blue hyacinths
your mother planted there—
ants were swarming the unfinished plot of earth
like the black text of an infinite alphabet. I couldn’t
read it. There was no epiphany, just dirt, the vast curtain
between this realm and the other. You never speak to me,
I thought, not even in dreams.
- excerpt from "Dirt and Light", Aria Aber
launched this back up today to see if it'd been long enough to finish the thing and stop guilting myself every time i looked at my steam library over not returning. the easy answer would be if i could say i'd dropped it specifically because she was gone but of course i know i'd put it down before then bc it's still there, when i go back through the chatlogs.
a piecemeal approach to the prosecution of enlightenment
it is very unsurprising, now, that you put down the longing
whereas i mainlined it until i found "the wonder"
and i think you might come out ahead, in the end
closing the book on this game has not led me to any great revelation, merely the continued knowledge that for external reasons i pretty much lost all desire to engage with/potential to get anything out of it a long time ago, even if by its very nature i was still 'playing along', in a way. an unsatisfying end, but what else is new.
🌫️