rootfifthoctave
2023
someone might say to you "they made a new game that's like a ps2 game." instead of thinking "that sounds fun" you should run far far away from that person
2022
This review contains spoilers
wow! i sure do feel bad for all those people who's lives i ruined!
a lot of people reckon that Arkham Knight is the best one. to that i say "put me in a straitjacket and take me to the ASYLUM."
they could not have picked a better time to remember that rayman origins ate NSMB's lunch AND its dinner.
they answer the question "what if the jump was different" in about 20 different ways and they're all very cool.
they answer the question "what if the jump was different" in about 20 different ways and they're all very cool.
great arcade-feeling racer but, much like real life, it would be much better without all the damn cops! leave me alone! let me drive! bring back ridge racer!
achieves through text and tableau what most games do by painting climbable walls a bright colour or making interactable objects glow. guides the player by giving them information and making them pay attention. i only wish there were more!
2019
This review contains spoilers
my girlfriends are all wannabe cops or much, much too old for me
a drudgery that keeps crashing just at the point that anything interesting at all starts to happen.
all the fun of getting knocked around by sine wave horizontally-moving medusa heads from castlevania followed by the fun of waiting for moving platforms from bad mascot platformers. i might have to check my maths but i think that equals zero fun!
2021
at first i was reminded of motorstorm. it's got that same boosty drifty thing that i've been missing from... just about every racing game since the ps3. unfortunately the crash-reset loop that motorstorm got so right is just too slow here. if i wanted a racer that rewards Driving Well i'd fire up gran turismo. not the toy game.
2021
This review contains spoilers
narratively, its reach exceeds its grasp, but i'll be damned if this isn't a bloody good rogueish card game with extremely satisfying sound and haptic design.
2019
as someone who has played vanilla Zero Mission to death and back, i appreciate a lot of the choices in Project ZM but would not recommend it to a first time player over the original. this is for someone who not only knows where the varia suit is but also how to get it early.
2021
never before has a game worked so hard to undo my genuine willingness to have fun with it.
i pick up a hat. it rotates out one of the three hats i already had. it is never the one i would choose to get rid of.
what is with these skinny armed, big foot and fisted freaks? sonic? nights? balan flies around in a blue skybox void like some weird sega fan's animation homework project except you have to press the button sometimes. when, you ask? sometimes it is obvious but other times, who knows!
the commitment to one-button-for-everything renders navigating the menus a frustrating proposition. i move between platforms. japanese and western playstation games. i know sometimes x and circle ain't always the same. but this game just doesn't have a "back" button for menus! they made a game to be perfectly intelligible for babies and grandmas and let me tell you - babies are great at video games. give a toddler a switch and in one week they'll be better at mario kart than you. and grandmas don't want to go near these ungodly lanky freak beasts.
i pick up a hat. it rotates out one of the three hats i already had. it is never the one i would choose to get rid of.
what is with these skinny armed, big foot and fisted freaks? sonic? nights? balan flies around in a blue skybox void like some weird sega fan's animation homework project except you have to press the button sometimes. when, you ask? sometimes it is obvious but other times, who knows!
the commitment to one-button-for-everything renders navigating the menus a frustrating proposition. i move between platforms. japanese and western playstation games. i know sometimes x and circle ain't always the same. but this game just doesn't have a "back" button for menus! they made a game to be perfectly intelligible for babies and grandmas and let me tell you - babies are great at video games. give a toddler a switch and in one week they'll be better at mario kart than you. and grandmas don't want to go near these ungodly lanky freak beasts.
a floppy, sloppy mishmash of ideas borrowed from other games. the bat boss is the worst boss i have ever experienced.
if i had played this when i was younger then i would be so much cooler today