Now we can debate the merits of nihilism or lack thereof all day long but the real issue is my smart baby ass stocked up early on friends and knowledge and memories so I'd have plenty to spare and then the game just lazily locks you in a loop that isn't actually real until you choose to stop and c'mon my guy that's just not good game design!

I'm a pretty wildly depressed and somewhat nihilistic person but this didn't feel like a good reflection of how this all works. I dunno, if you wanna feel bad play LISA or something. This is gonna have to be a no from me, dawg.

Really, really strong twitch platformer. Yes, it's long. Yes, there are arguably too many mechanics. But this is so good at training a player to get better at these types of games. Slow down mechanic is especially inspired as it doesn't extend your time limit but does let you practice your approach and movements and see exactly just how responsive the controls are and it's handy when used selectively. The visuals are divisive but I think they're hideous and cute in equal measure: the art direction certainly has personality. Lots of cool unlockables too including lots of crazy screen filters that may or may not make the game way harder. A hidden gem!

This isn't my favorite Dragon Quest--it's maybe a bit too bread-and-butter to earn that distinction--but oh man is this still a good time. One of those games that really doesn't do anything poorly: good characters, good combat, good pacing, good story, good dungeons. It's just very good. I may have more appreciation for the generational not-the-hero's journey of V, the expansive multi-act ensemble narrative of XI, and the wildly ambitious time-hopping anthology storytelling of VII, but this is still a banger. I don't know if the enhanced port or this is better. I think the PS2 version probably has better game balance but going from 4 to 6 party members is really nice (Red is especially fun), as are a lot of the other additions.

Minus half a star for the choppy framerate and Gamecube graphics. That aside, this is fantastic. This is about as deep as monster collectors get but it still seems pretty newbie friendly: the number of permutations between monsters (who all have multiple innate passives) and the fact you can graft any 3 skill paths onto anyone is insane but you can't really screw up too bad: rescouting becomes super easy as you progress and you have 1000 monster slots to work with, so getting the right skills on the right monster isn't too tough. Monsterpedia is excellent: if you're worried you need a synthesis guide they really give you a lot of recommended combos, you can check family trees in case you've forgotten past synthesis, etc. Really user-friendly without being handholdy. As long as people play ladder (and it's never been easier to make great, unique monsters), it'll never get stale.

This is a BIG game too: my memory may be foggy but I feel like the campaign is about twice as long as past entries. The story strikes a nice balance between telling a solid isolated narrative and being a geeky fanservice what-if prequel for the Zenithian trilogy freaks (Why is Toilen Trubble a main character here? I dunno man but he's a piece of shit and I'm happy he's here to rob everyone in the name of science).

Localization slaps. Took a screenshot every time they announced a new arena fighter, dialogue is insanely dumb in the best way. Anyways eat your damn heart out, Pokemon.

Pretty good stuff! The writing is the right blend of morbid and dumb to place it in the "so bad it's good" category while the combat is just straight up really solid. It's a little "DMC for babies" but the party switching to set off psychoelemental combos is really satisfying and everything is just wicked smooth. Play it at max difficulty though, otherwise it's way too easy. Enemy variety could be better but eh, the gamefeel (ick) could not be much better. You can find this really cheap now! Very worth it!

Mildly amusing for half a second, good for achievements/trophies, and won't break your wallet.

But you just click a jar.

YOU JUST CLICK A JAR.

A LOT.

MY FINGER HURTS AND MY HEAD IS BORED.

Nearly perfect game (except Terror Time, all my homies hate Terror Time). You can spend 100+ hours in Blasters and it's an optional side mode. Best monster collector since B2W2, best America parody since Earthbound. So many spontaneous little events, the multiple main character angle works really well and allows the world you get to explore be pretty damn big. Insane number of Yo-kai, revamped battle system, we can go on and on.

Side note, I own the cart. Bought it at launch so I didn't have to take out a loan either. You are all jealous.

Effectively a perfect remake of a massively influential, zero-fat RPG experience. Beat this in about 13 hours but nothing was cut: I'd estimate 4 or so hours were shaved off just through QoL improvements. That said, I still have a bunch of side/post-game content to do (everything I have done has been great) so I can see it doubling as I go for 100 jumps and do the side quests and fill out the monster list details and get high scores at the minigames, etc. Incredibly faithful to the original except when it's better. Seeing Mallow and Geno in 3D was a joy. Between this and the Thousand-Year Door remake, Mario RPGs could make a comeback and thank god for that. Bring Mallow and Geno back for a sequel!

Etrian Odyssey, if it had the systems depth of Disgaea, the storytelling of NieR: Automata, and some of the most mechanically engaging, Metroidvania-esque first-person dungeon crawling ever put to code. Pretty easily the greatest blobber of all-time.

Yes, even better than Strange Journey.

Fair warning: this game is incredibly long. Longer than Persona 5, if you're doing what you're supposed to. When reviewers (and even NIS) were saying this is about 40-50 hours, that's for part 1. Parts 2 and 3 are locked behind specific, not necessarily obvious requirements and part 2 is quite a bit longer than part 1. These ARE NOT post-game. They are the continuation of the story, unlock brand new mechanics and classes, etc. They are essential to the experience. You do have to play this game with a completionist mindset, or you will miss out on the vast majority of this game. Nippon Ichi, even with the marketing, were on a mission to swerve people hard with this one. I won't say exactly how, but bear it in mind so you don't miss out.

Might do a more thorough review at some point, but honestly, there's so much to talk about that the task feels daunting, not to mention that getting into the weeds with this would mean some massive spoilers. Play this game.

Not going to give this a "real" review: I'll save that for when I dig into Platinum one of these days.

What I will say is that this isn't outright bad, simply by the virtue that, at its core, this is still Sinnoh Pokemon and Sinnoh Pokemon is good. They also made one very solid change: the new Pokemon in the Underground remedy the original's Dex issue. No longer do you have to pick Chimchar or get saddled with Ponyta if you want a fire type: get yo ass a Houndour. Cool (ignoring the fact that if you really care, you can set up trades).

BUT: secret bases are ruined. Contests are ruined. There's no Battle Frontier. The graphics are ASS. No, I don't hate chibi on principle, this is just really bad chibi. You can argue whether or not it was good to not choose to incorporate newer mechanics such as Mega Evolution or Z-moves, but at least the former's inclusion in Omega Ruby & Alpha Sapphire made the game a different experience than the originals.

The worst thing that can be said about Brilliant Diamond & Shining Pearl is they don't have any real reason to exist beyond Platinum being a bit expensive on the secondary market now. Sinnoh but worse is still Sinnoh, but what is the point in playing this when there are better alternatives?

I'm not a 2D twitch platforming savant -- though I have beaten this and have thoroughly enjoyed challenging games such as Slime-san -- but I didn't really enjoy this too much. I didn't hate it: from a purely technical perspective, this is impressive, especially as something of an early pioneer of this style of platforming.

But it's just not very fun to get through, beyond being able to say you pulled it off. Even that, to a degree, rings hollow. What sinks this one for me is that even though I got through it (note that I'm using "got through" and not "beat"), I never really felt like I was actually getting better at Super Meat Boy. Rather, I bashed against a level enough times for my thumbs to finally do the right thing. I can't take pride in my skill or growth here, only my perseverance. Taken another way, I spent a whole lot of time frustrating myself and it sort of felt wasted.

I think the issue is, ironically, that the controls are "too" precise, or overly sensitive. This is a trademark of twitch platformers, but Meat Boy moves so quickly and erratically based on movements that you're often barely aware of making that for many, it's difficult to ever truly get a handle on him. Going back to Slime-san, that game was quick and floaty but not to these extremes. Additionally, the slow-down mechanic had enough downsides to not be a crutch, but it did afford the player the opportunity to more closely observe how the character responded to input. By the end of Slime-san, I felt like I was much better at Slime-san than I was when I started. That didn't happen here.

Beyond that, the visuals are pretty drab (it's based off a flash game and you can tell) and the humor is immature (Dr. Fetus). Dug the music though.

Anyways, you should play Slime-san.

Part of me wants to dismiss this as a stupid meme game: a QWOP-style prank on the player where the "enjoyment" comes from laughing at your own frustration at the intentionally terrible controls. Two things prevent me from doing this:

1. The writing is peak stupid fun. Unlike QWOP, this has a simple story that spirals completely out of control over the course of its brief runtime. Your pedestrian aquarium visit devolves into a gloriously chaotic mess of romantic flashbacks, stealth sections, and needlessly intense action set-pieces. This is much, much funnier than the vast majority of CG-animated family films and Octodad would be an absolute banger of a Dreamworks flick.

2. While playing this solo pisses me off, it's great fun in co-op: where each player controls different tentacles. Seriously: grab a buddy. It's not necessarily less frustrating, but it's annoying in a way that is much more enjoyable than screaming and crying alone in your room, begging the flaccid mollusc man to just walk down the fucking aisle already as you inadvertently break both of your thumbs.