i like that theres not anyways 1 way to do every puzzle.
it just needed an easy mode with some hints in a help menu that you can look at when needed. but as a setting that can only be turned on or off at the start of the game and makes you restart the entire thing if you want to change the setting. that way everyone who paid for it can play through it all with help when they need it and people who dont want help wont have to control any impulses of desiring help to ‘cheat’ on a puzzle.

super cute & fun lil game <3
(even if lot of it is just recycled content from the oracle games & four swords lol)
i love elzo.
links hat hair is cute.
its funny how the cats wiggle before they swipe at minish link lol
i wanna live in a minish home.
lots of fun gameplay i dont really have many major complaints really which is nice. it can be tricky to figure some stuff out but its not too unfair really.
the shell collecting for the figurines is not critical but it is really stupid! luckily i played with the switch’s save restore points thingy to cheat the system otherwise that would be an insufferable grind and id have given up trying to find endless shells.
getting the mirror shield from biggoran is really dumb because its a post game thing so it doesnt matter at that point because theres nothing left to do and it takes forever to wait for it🙄
wait… biggoran... big… goran… 😑 not sure why it took me that long to realize that.
anyways loved this game. i shouldnt have overlooked it and delayed playing it for so long.

the art design is beautiful and unforgettable. visually its probably the most creative and interesting video game ever? theres really nothing else quite like it. i mean the bar is low i guess for the medium but still lol i love the icelandic looking america and the fantasy supernatural stuff with the cool looking scifi tech/menus. its a fun combo of genres. all the main characters are so unique and cool. the music is great too.
i loved the gameplay more than i expected. i came for the aesthetics and stayed for the land traversal lol it all felt experimental & unique and fit with the unique art style. i just liked learning a new kind of gameplay it worked a lot for me. is hiking simulator an insult? sorry i don’t speak dumb moron i was having too much fun with it.
i enjoyed doing most of the orders. some are occasionally repetitive but every play session i learned something new or ran into a new challenge and i was always having fun with it.
its very cutscene/lore/dialogue/infodump heavy. i dont hate it but its got a ton of symbolism and thematic stuff you have to keep track of. it certainly makes the game feel epic and grand which i love. but the whole thing feels like its suffering from telling rather than showing.
the ending is sorta confusing. its super long with like several endings that goes on for a long time. its a weird feeling holding a controller and then setting it down because you realize youre gonna be watching the cutscene for a long while. its got a ton of dialogue that makes it hard for me to stay focused the whole time listening to them all talk. its got so many weird twists and things its hard to keep track of it all. moments that should feel emotional don’t because i dont know whats even happening until later on when things are revealed. but sometimes things are just not explained well at all. lol good luck trying to remember all this wacky symbolism storytelling in your head the first go around. like i was engaged and i dont hate it but its the type of storytelling that requires some homework to figure it all out and just inspires those tacky clickbait “ending explained” youtube videos and reddit threads. so thats lame.
like the basic stuff about being a dad works. i like that its a ‘dad game’ but unlike last of us & bioshock infinite the dad protagonist is actually a good person who saves the world and isnt a racist or a selfish mass murderer. it was a unique experience since i dont want kids and ill never have them. but never before in a dad game have i found my actions so heavily dictated by caring for the baby. i built & rode ziplines more to have fun with the baby hearing it laugh than to get places faster lol i was careful not fall down because i actually didnt want to hurt the kid. i got frustrated at one point with my task and in a normal game id kill my character jumping off a cliff or blowing myself up out of frustration to restart and before i was about to do that i heard a little baby noise and i i decided against it because i cared about the baby and wanted to peacefully restart instead instead of taking the kid with me jumping off a cliff lmao ive been getting over a depression so i related strongly with sams cold emotional state and how this kid was his main new reason for living. again i dont want kids so that element was a weird experience ill never actually have irl but it still made lot of sense and it was cool to have it in a story about the importance of connecting to other people.
so theres so many other moments like that but the point is that the gameplay felt so tied to the final parts of the story so it all makes sense that its about parenting.
but i wish the more complicated story stuff made some more sense and was explained and shown more clearly.
its also part 1 of a continuing story so maybe it could make more sense and be fleshed oiy with the sequel. i guess we’ll see. i like that there was still an attempt to make this game a stand alone experience and it is and it works as it needs to. but as ariel the little mermaid sings: i want moreeeeeeee
the tone and comedy is very odd at times but i didnt hate it.
i like that theres humor to the orders like the film directors king kong figurines lol
the bizarro humorous meta gaming references were... odd lmao not sure the point of all that?
most of my complaints come down to petty things. the game functions as it needs to. but i like nitpicking so here we go hehehehe
everytime i saw the horizon zero dawn holograms id delete them immediately. get that the shit OUTTA HERE!!! i dont care if they helped make this game or whatever im not playing their game. put a thank you in the credits and shut up. i just love the the art design of this game and hate the shit from that game. i hate seeing those giant ugly robot dinosaurs near structures its so dumb looking go away!!!!
the chiral artist girl was cringe and annoying. i hate couples like that. am i supposed to care about these dumb hetero clowns? i dont.
i wish there was a gay character. its cringe that all there was for that kind of diversity here was a weird subtle bashing of asexual people? whatever at least the directors cut fixed that.
i wish keanu reeves was in this game instead of stupid cyberpunk2077 (and i wanted that even before i knew he was considered to play clifford lol) i dont want him to play clifford but idk i wish he played someone in this story. actually no put him in the sequel!!!
its kinda annoying to have the only black character be the most annoying intrusive character always bothering you with audio messages.
young sam looks weird and ugly (no offense to the child actor lmao) but he looks nothing like norman reedus. why didnt they make a young version of his face? just copy photos of him as a kid or just have his son do mocap for the flashbacks.
i hate the way ziplines are used with sam just hanging on with one hand? like how is his arm not getting ripped off from the weight of his cargo or breaking his wrist on the cufflink? it just looks weird and wrong in a bad way. i wish he wouldve been sitting in like a cute lil single seater chairlift that flies on the weird blue light beam instead lol you only really need to build them in the snowy mountains so a chairlift wouldve probably fit the aesthetic better.
i wish the preppers had more mocap animations. they feel like robots. its interesting that the holograms are used for bts and for preppers. idk maybe there was so thematic symbolism there to visually compare them lol
its weird theres no indigenous americans in the game… theres like a dreamcatcher used i guess but like i wish there was more to do with them and black people. the game is explicitly in america but doesnt really engage with those pretty core aspects of this country.
the film director had some dumb email about ipads or whatever. i hate that director irl he’s so pretentious. gtfo of this game.
there shouldve been a music player to use during orders. have it fade off when youre in mule territory or building structures but play songs when youre just walking.
i wish the emails & interviews were both text and audio diaries that could be read in the menu like they are or played while doing orders.
even tho the game is already bogged down with story/lore i also kinda wish the stuff in the interviews were used in the story more. it wouldve helped some of the story make more sense.
i feel like a lot of aspects of this game would annoy me if i hadnt played many games before.
the confusing menus are probably my only major issue with the gameplay. theres so much hidden things that arent clear or explained and you really have to look closely at the tiny text to see and discover everything you can do and how to do things.
building ppc’s is weird.
selecting standard vs premium orders is easy to miss on the menu.
quick menu selections have secondary pages that are easy to miss.
the map has side details that are easy to miss.
scrolling in tips/interviews goes to fast with the highlighted selection too far down on the list which makes it too easy to scroll over and miss the new ones you want to read.
the bridge link data is too hidden.
theres exclamation points on the map for prepper shelters indicating lost cargo orders for sam in the shared locker but this info is hard to figure out.
the map needed filters for muting online structures/signs or just showing only your structures/roads/prepper locations. but its all clustered together and makes it hard to decipher sometimes.
i hate that you cant delete signs on the map and have to do it manually in the game.
the hud font should turn blacker in snowy areas because sometimes i couldnt see it against the snow/sky.
i wish orders couldnt be repeated. theres already so many orders theres no reason to do old ones all over again. plus it makes no sense why someone would order the same thing again so quickly lol
the reasons for the ratings are nonsense. sometimes ill fall off a cliff and get an S rank othertimes ill take no damage or anything getting there on ziplines and still get an A or a B for no apparent reason ???
also the rating levels were not explained. i didnt realize there was an additional s rank (and trophies for getting them) only available in hard mode which was annoying after id played 130 hours on normal.
premium deliveries should be auto selected and if you meet the requirements you get the premium delivery bonus. if not it should just log it as a completed ‘standard order delivery’ rating.
though i feel like youre not really supposed to care much about all the order scoring because the evaluation screen glosses over this stuff pretty quickly…
the interactive online aspect is…. fine. like i guess its tied to the themes of the game but i didnt need these exact themes so whatever.
its nice because i rarely ever crafted ladders or ropes because they were always in the environment. but that also makes orders not as difficult or fun because often times someone has already placed all the ladders and things needed on the map making the order boring to complete.
it was annoying having random structures some dipshit player built in places that made no sense so i had to aggressively delete them off my map. the signs were basically useless to me and just ended up making the game look cluttered and littered.
it was annoying when online structures blocked my ziplines.
i dont like button mashing on likes. one like would suffice. which is automatically given if a structure is used
the map splitting into 3 parts is annoying. for edge knot city it doesnt matter because its just story orders but for the eastern region it shouldve had a bottle neck area where you can still walk through instead of seperating your equipment on 2 maps. the great plateu in zelda didnt do that so harshly. it has a cliff but you can still carry all your equipment up to it.
the odradek’s bt area animation is too slow/zoomed in. it should be a quick 2 second slow down like when collecting chiral crystals or cryptobiotes
if youre within a preppers scanner poles their terminal should detect any cargo in the area for deliveries including anything inside a truck. it’s annoying and silly looking the way i had to ram my vehicles into the prepper shelters all wonky just so the terminal picks up my packages because i didnt want to have to pick them all out of the truck and carry them inside. which is annoying when its a big order with lots of cargo or you have multiple ongoing orders with lots of different cargo with you to sort through.
getting into vehicles is a pain because you have to stand in front of the door. in la noire just standing around the vehicle got you in it if you press the button.
i wish i could control when the truck lifts up and down. half the time i got stuck i couldve fixed it if i couldve controlled that.
there was 2 times where i got stuck between a rock and my truck door but couldnt get out of the rock hole i was stuck in making me totally stuck and i had to reload an old save to continue playing.
the trucks have some weird physics/controls to them. like they never flip over on tight turns (which i suppose is nice to not have to deal with) but then its weird the way they spin on hills so oddly and nonsensically. i dont think i ever fully understood it and just relied on getting lucky trying to go up hills. sometimes the wheels would stop completely and other times theyd spin endlessly even when i wasnt pressing buttons or the wheels would randomly go full speed out of nowhere even tho i didnt press them to do that? its like theres a weird control delay i never understood.
didnt care too much for mule raids/interactions, i tried to do stealth but it felt pointlessly difficult and rarely ever worked for me and i always ended up resorting to bashing into them with my trucks. its weird that the mules dont go on the highways?
the oxygen mask was underutilized. i think there were only like 2 toxic gas places to use it?
the unger battles were annoying and took too long for me to beat because its a totally different gameplay (and one that i hate) and the difficulty spike felt too harsh. maybe its just a meta commentary on modern shooter games? whatever.
the directors cut shouldve been a dlc for post game extras available on ps4.
despite my nitpicks i still loved this game a lot.
i had fun doing orders and building ziplines and highways and driving cars around lol
the odradek is so cool to use and its also really cute. sorry to the baby but i cared more when the odradek got shot more than whenever bb was crying/dying. i just hate babies and im not gonna apologize for that lol
im colorblind so having names for the different car colors is nice. idk how common that is in modern games but i like it.
i always held my breath whenever sam did hehe
it was cute getting the santa hat on christmas day.
i love mr lockers menu and his theme music its so chill and moody. i wish i could set the ps4 home menu to that theme.

has some neat puzzles, has some insufferable puzzles, and has some impossible puzzles for my colorblind eyeballs. i couldn’t have played a good chunk of this without help but luckily its mostly nonlinear with lots of optional puzzles.
the island is very pretty i want to live there.
but the live action secret ending and the audio recordings are pretentious trying to elevate this into something artistic when it didnt need to be art. it doesnt mean anything artistic so it just needed to be puzzles on a pretty island. the end. shut up.

i love noodle ssso much🐍 he’s ssso cute ☺️ i need a plush of him immediately. the 8 bit version of him is cute too. i love messing with his funny facesss lol im glad they made him cartoony and not too realistic looking its more fun :)
and i love that he’s a vegetarian even though he's a dangerous venomous snake lmao
i have just two words for people who find this game too difficult:
• git
• gud
lol idk i think i have a sssnake brain because this game just came sssso naturally to me lol it gave me what i never knew i needed from platforming. its weird it hadnt been made decades ago…
i love how nonlinear the gameplay is. theres no one way to finish a level and theres no one way to navigate all the obstacles.
i kept thinking the game was getting easier but it was just because i kept doing the difficult side challenges first lol
i slipped on ice and ripped up my knuckle making holding a controller a pain along with cat scratches on my other finger and i still had a great time lmao
it’s hilarious watching negative review videos of this game and people are whining about something being hard or whatever and i can literally see in my head the controller and the buttons this person is not pressing to get through something and its always because theyre not interested in learning how to play. theyre not patiently or carefully slithering around the very helpful poles given to them because they want to run and jump and not slither.
the gameplay is great yall just suck at it lol like sorry i enjoy learning a fun new type of gameplay and i dont just play dumb indistinguishable murder simulators or mediocre pokemon sequels or whatever. if youre not into platformers then okay thats fair. but like idk how anyone who enjoys platformers would not enjoy this if they give it a chance and embrace it for what it is? whatever. their loss lol
my only major issue (and tbh its sort of just a minor issue) with the game was the scenery. i love the jungle temple setting but its got just a little too much detail with the plants & decorative temple shit that the camera gets stuck on or it has plants and stones that cover the camera. and swimming underwater is hard to see with all the seaweed and stone blocks everywhere.
also doodle the hummingbird was annoying af always flying in front of the camera i just wanted to violently swat it away. using doodle for help is sorta of like bumpers in bowling. like most often i could do the whole levels without doodle and i just used it out of laziness at times wanting to climb up faster because it was offered lol but like as a last second savior i didnt really need it because this game just came very naturally to me. but i wish it was a dragonfly (even if thats kind of copying sparx the dragonfly from spyro lol) but like i just wanted something smaller and less intrusive on the camera. its even worse when you switch to the 8 bit cosmetic skins and its just a big block in front of the screen -_-
there was a moment where i got a collectable only because i cheated and climbed up a decorative statue that i shouldnt have been able to climb on . if the setting was designed with a little less decorations it wouldnt have been a problem. theres nothing wrong with a little editing guys. the primary appeal here is the gameplay you dont need to do so much to sell it with the art design...
also the decorative floating islands you cant get to needed a different design to better show that theyre not meant to be accessible. they have skull warning signs on them but its not enough because i dont always see them and sometimes end up wasting a minute trying to figure out how to get to a decorative island thats not supposed to be accessible so it makes it confusing where ive been and where i need to go. and theres tops of structures with nothing on them and im like ? why is this here? idk some of it may be a place they put the fruit in arcade mode? i didnt play that too much really tho so i wouldnt know. like its fine tho thats just nitpick it didnt ruin the game.
the checkpoint system was a tiny issue when i forgot what stuff id collected and id think id gotten something then turns out i died during that life lol some of my post game 100% completion task to finish it was just re-collecting stuff id already gotten but forgot to recollect after dying. but it wasnt like bad and only happened a few times. i guess it just should have always saved the collectables whenever youre fully on a flat grass area and leave the checkpoint respawn stones only for a place to go after you die. thats just another little nitpick tho its nothing that frustrating really lol and it only matters if youre a weirdo completionist like me. if youve done all the challenges you care to do and dont care to 100% the game it doesnt matter.
the game works best if you go through all the levels first just focusing on the keystones then do the bubble and coin collectables in the post game for more challenges.
the intro is kinda weird having noodle already on these floating islands? its an odd start like do they live there? lol
like it doesnt matter really. its not a flaw and im not asking for a story to this game (cringe) because thats not the appeal here. but a little cutscene of noodle and doodle arriving at a portal that teleports them up to the floating islands wouldve made more sense to me. but i guess since noodle is a vegetarian he doesnt need to hunt animals if he lives on the floating islands lol whatever.
the 4 elements theme to the 4 worlds is cute. the names of the gods of each world are funny :p
i wish theyd utilized the elements more for each world because its sorta just art design and doesnt affect the gameplay very much.
i like that theres no villians or dumb boss fights or conflicts of any kind. its just lighthearted platforming fun :) it makes the challenges more relaxed. theres no dumb timers or anything to stress you out.
the soundtrack was done by the guy that did the donkey kong country soundtracks so of course thats a plus. i love the water world music. its so groovy and chill :P
the last level had several glitches where id die while sitting idle on grass ? or the hummingbird would throw me off a cliff instead of transporting me to another platform? it fixed itself when i reloaded the level but still it was odd…
i like that the game gives you the sssssuper ssssspecial sssssnake vision post game to find missing collectables easier so you never have to look up anything online. i hate when a game requires or inspires outside help to complete it. a game should always make it clear what you have to do within the game itself. it should always be a self contained experience.
the arcade mode and time trial modes are kinda boring to me. i never understood the appeal of speed running? whatever. happy for ppl who enjoy that but idgaf.
i waited 2 years to buy this on sale and ended up only paying $1.50 for it because of the sale and an added discount from buying other eshop games lmao but i wouldve gladly bought it full price.
so yea this was definitely one of my top favorite gamesss :)
as cynthia harrell would say in beginning of the theme song to metal gear solid 3 sssnake eater:
"what a thrill..."

overall its an alright remake it functions well enough. but its strengths are mostly just from the original ps1 games.
i just wish i could have easy access to the original ps1 games on my switch tho :/ i like art design in the low poly aesthetic more. the skyboxes were hazy and pretty and the grass felt like it was mowed... its more minimal and calming. oh well
plays exactly like the original games i was impressed.
you can play the original (superior) music
sparkx can point to missing gems in the first 2 games now
gems sparkle more which makes them easier to collect
• spyro hopping around like a little rabbit/cat its adorable
• maps are available in all the games now
• beast makers homeworld and terrace village look better, i like the windmill added the the blowhard level (aka the funniest level name ever lol)
• they added back the missing/cut whirlwind in the midnight mountain homeworld
• you can wear sunglasses 😎 and also pride themed ones too :)
• the tiki guys from molten crater in spyro 3 have new zealand accents
• you can spin and breath fire on the loading screens
• its nice the dragons all have unique looks/personalities
the art design is too detailed too often. it has a sort of tacky deviantart aesthetic that looks too much like cheap concept art brought to life without any fine tuning. its too blocky and plastic looking with lots of unevenness to structure decorations. it looks like the ugly legend of spyro trilogy games on the ps2 to me almost. they tried too hard to add as much stuff into the levels as possible in an attempt to wow you by the differences without realizing that minimalism isnt always a bad thing. i just hate how every cliff and field and building is just littered with details it gets obnoxious. always take at least one item of clothing off before leaving the house...
when theres so much details in the art design it makes the levels sometimes a sloppy distracting mess to try to navigate through despite the fact that i grew up playing these games
as a result the switch version has downgraded lame looking fire effects which sucks since... this is a game about a dragon lol ya know... the fire breathing fantasy creature? hello???
• sparkx looks awful. he has limbs now and a big nose that seperates his eyes it makes him look too doofy and stupid looking i fucking hate it
• theres no opening titles for individual games which makes playing them all kinda blend and blur together because they all look the same
• theres no guide books which loses a fun magical aesthetic the old games had. now its just a cold menu :/
the loading is sorta slow
• its weird they got rid of the animation of collected gems floating up around spyro while he's flying through a portal vortex
spyro 1 negatives:
all the chests are given keyholes and most can be charged/flamed so when you encounter chests that need a key its going to be confusing to new players why its not opening from a charge/flame attack. again less is more sometimes with art design
• the portal names are a little too high up to read easily
• the ramps in wizard peak arent checkered or lit up which is lame
• the balloonist is given a voice actor now and he sounds awful
• they changed the funny sarcastic delivery of spyros lines to be like a good boy instead of a snarky punk. lameeeeeeee
• the gnorc enemies shoot paint instead of bullets which is sorta lame. but also its not a totally bad decision. it only works because the level is also redone to be paint themed. whatever
• i sorta miss the simple dragon designs
spyro 2 negatives:
• elora looks like a recently transitioned transman who hasnt figured out how to brush their hair properly. she's just weird and ugly looking
• the central fountain in mystic marsh is very cheap and sad looking its lame
spyro 3 negatives:
the gem finder and fast travel warps are available from the start making 2 of the sparkx levels pointless to play since the reward is now nothing. morons
• shiela now has human hair?? and clothes?? i fucking hate it so much!!!! (the heteros are at it again!)
• i dont care for all the added stones to the ledges in sunrise spring it looks clunky
• spooky swamp has ugly boring green water instead of purple water :/
• rynocs shoot plungers from crossbows instead of arrows.

got this in a cereal box for free lol it was short and bad. i love the movie tho.

big level areas make the game too barren to have to walk around in.
collectables are in bundles making large levels pointless (like the mayan level) and easy to get lost in (like the mine & dino levels) but it was done because of hardware limitations so whatever i guess.
terrydactyland is a confusing circle.
has a bad default flipped y axis that makes camera controls annoying and you cant customize all 3 variations of the camera so i have to change it every time i went from doing swimming or shooting.
the targeting aim circle always snaps back to the center of screen when you stop moving it. the inflatable bear boss was insufferable because of this. it shouldve been an option to keep it on or let it be still and stay where you leave it.
the fps levels suck and should not exist in a platformer game like this. fuck off
canary mary is frustrating at first but once you learn she’s on a rubber band tied to you its super easy to beat her. she still needs to rot in hell tho. fuck that dumb bird.
mumbo should be a powerup you aquire not a playable character. or maybe it shouldve been an option.
the giant fish boss is frustrating when camera faces the black wall and you cant see shit.
the transport platforms are too small and take a sec to jump into them correctly. its odd especially in a game obsessed with making everything huge.
the sick dino transportation mission is confusing.
its slightly too difficult figuring out how to get into grunty industries.
the jiggy tips should be located in the totals menu.
inaccessible jiggies shouldve been greyed out before you get the moves necessary to get them.
jinjo village, jiggy temple, hen egg, bee, humba, mumbo should be in same area for convenience not spread across the isle.
too many steps to activate cheats: cheato temple should be in wooded area and cheato should be inside the temple not in gruntys lair. or else it should all be in gruntys lair instead.
the backpack menu, jingos & objects should be on same screen as level totals.
bottles dying & the characters playing soccer with gruntys head is kinda grim for a kids game but bottles lives and grunty is evil so its not a huge deal but its also dumb unnecessary edginess.
humba wumba is probably racist.
i wish you could’ve played as tootie who is absent in this for whatever reason?
banjo has lower voice and doesnt say ‘guh huh’ anymore :/
still one of my favorite games of all time though! a fun wacky adventure and a worthy sequel.
levels ranked:
1 grunty industries (its ugly but i probably like it because it feels like a zelda dungeon)
2 jolly roger bay (has the cool underwater reveal)
3 hailfire peaks (fun dichotomy)
4 witchy world (great concept but needed more rides/decorations)
5 mayan temple (its fun and serviceable)
6 terrydactyland (great theming but confusing level design)
7 cloud cuckooland (confusing level design but its concept isnt as weird as it couldve been)
8 glitter gultch (the sparkling gem walls is a cool effect but kind of a meh level, i dont hate it but its the least exciting)

the first game was clever short funny and minimal on story. it was a fun game.
this time they made it longer and added more story and lore and humor.
im sure lots of stupid gamers loved this but it sorta tarnished what i liked about the original.
the fun of portal 1 was the wacky puzzles in a lonely atmosphere. it was more indifferent to having an audience.
portal 2 still has fun puzzles but the experience can be a little too much hand holding at times :/ and to make that worse the game is insufferably aware that people are playing so its always scrambling to create lore and a story and humor for you to experience when it doesnt need that stuff really.
idk maybe im not even totally against having a story and characters for a portal sequel but it just doesnt deliver it in an interesting or satisfying way. we still dont know anything about our protagonist really (why is she here still?) or much of whats going on with this setting outside of hidden easter eggs and implications. the drama with caroline is hardly explored. the mysterious character leaving writing on the walls (who has gotten obnoxiously better at art for whatever reason) never makes an appearance. like if youre gonna expand on this world at least explain that stuff more or do something with it. and the ending is too ambiguous to be acceptable to me. its all a vague pointless waste of time to include this lore nonsense when it goes nowhere. nothing is utilized for the story so its just a waste of time to have one. all we get is betrayal drama with wheatley and i dont have enough reason to care. i want to escape this facility with or without wheatley so him being evil means nothing to me. its shallow and not really worth it for how long they drag it all out. there maybe couldve been some interesting gender politics & capitalism themes to explore more related to betrayal but its not really dived into beyond vague implications or obnoxious bad humor dialogue.
theres too many filler story sequences where theres loud action music playing and things crashing around you to make you think you should be excited but youre not really solving puzzles or doing anything that interesting. nothing is actually happening its just interactive cutscenes like a theme park ride that dont actually add anything to the ’story’.
im sure all of this worked for most gamers and tricked them into thinking its deeper and better written than it is but i never felt satisfied with it and it only got worse on replay. it doesnt have enough going on for the story to matter or be so front and center like it wants it to be.
i hate that gamer bros loved portal 2’s story yet hated botw’s. like be consistent guys theyre both shallow. at least botw lets you choose to ignore its story flashback cutscenes if you want to and youre allowed to spend more time actually playing the game instead of being railroaded into walkthrough cutscenes.
this game has a beautifully haunting aesthetic so its hard for me to throw it all away.
its still a fun game experience to behold, but the attempts at humorous dialogue used in place of a real storytelling is unfulfilling for what its pretending to be.
i like comedy. i like to laugh. and i did laugh at a fair amount of this game. but god too much of the attempts at humor in this game are just cringe. its probably what tarnishes the game most for me, and upon replaying 5 years later... its aged like cheese. portal 2 is this kind of humor where it thinks its a lot more clever than it is. it feels like a fan made sequel in this aspect. the flavor of person that finds all this shit funny probably loves shows like big bang theory and community. i hate them.
the humor of the first game worked because it wasnt constantly overbearing about it. glados the robot was funny with how inhuman and cruel she was. in theory you shouldnt feel lonely with someone talking to you the whole game but this robot is so cold & indifferent to you that it adds to the lonely mood. your only ‘friend’ is an unseen character guiding you with graffiti, and a silent (ambiguously sentient) cube that youre forced to burn to ashes. its dark & hilarious its great. but portal 2 doesnt want you to feel alone at all so glados and wheatley just switch roles being your petty or cheeky companion ally constantly feeding you improvised sounding lines. theres nothing wrong with adding more characters to the series but these ones just suck so bad.
the robots are made to be too human and emotional which was not the appeal of the robot in the first game. glados wasnt a perfectly robotic AI in the original but this one just quadruples down on the worst human-like aspects of it. like it was hilarious at the end of portal 1 when she says ‘youre adopted’ because she never insulted you like that before and its such petty a slap in the face. it was funny because when you start to escape and start removing her cores she was desperate and trying to do what she thought could distract and stop this hairless evolved monkey thats trying to kill her. in portal 2 its constantly doing that kind of humor and it doesnt work because it becomes too over saturated. it was funny in the first game because it was something that happened halfway through, not the whole game. i guess she's supposed to be retconned to be a human womans consciousness but if thats an explanation for her personality here i hate it. she didnt need an origin story or anything like that it really doesnt need to be that deep.
wheatleys stuttering personality gets tiresome really fast. he's unlikable to me even before he turns evil (why did he become comically evil? couldnt tell ya!)
luckily the game is always switching to different voiceover characters to keep things artificially fresh but unfortunately it gets worse every time.
the cave johnson voiceovers shouldve been cut entirely or had the lore information used in audio diary collectables like bioshock had. but the constant voiceovers of him were insufferable and the ridiculous posters on the walls trying to satirize corporate exploitation didnt look real at all. it just feels too fake and cartoonish. same goes for the the aperture science voiceover dudes dialogue at the beginning. its all just too unrealistic and unbelievable to ever be funny. the point of cave johnson is to have a human parallel to glados but he should’ve been like casually indifferent without it being so obvious he knows the harm he’s doing to people. he’s too much like trump. it doesnt make sense as a voiceover like it is within the context of the setting. ceo’s and corporations will be nice to your face and then fuck you over behind your back. the game doesnt understand how to replicate that properly to create dark humor out of it so its never funny. its always surface level.
the turret opera scene is aggressively annoying. it makes no sense why its happening in the game (why does the elevator stop and slow down? how did the turrets all get there?) but thats not the point its just a lame joke "it aint over till the fat lady sings". it doesnt work because its a joke that wasnt even set up to my knowledge so its just baffling and pointlessly annoying everytime. it just takes me out of it in a bad way.
‘exile vilify’ by the national shouldve been what played on the elevator ride out of the facility or as the end credits song. (the room where its actually included is just too clunky in trying to create a somber moment with the writing on the walls its just tacky and too forced) the energy and tone of the first game just felt so much more sophisticated and cool compared to this lame corny shit. the first games soundtrack was more synthy IDM ambience. now its more generic techno/orchestra video game music. its not terrible but its just one more thing that tarnishes the potential it had. it implies grander cinematic importance than the story actually provides. the first games soundtrack matched the mood and depth of itself.
i mostly had fun with the puzzles luckily. they added some fun new game mechanics but i wish they wouldnt have wasted so much time attempting to have comedy moments and filler cutscenes that halt everything and added some more puzzles at the end that utilized all the new mechanics some more. its sorta hard to judge the gameplay because its always so segmented off between story moments; so i end up talking more about that than the gameplay :/ wasnt this supposed to be a game? lol
i didnt play co-op mode so i cant comment on that.
i wish i had a dialogue-less version of this game that isnt dumbed down. at times the levels were so basic with options of walls youre able to shoot the portals at that it didnt feel like puzzles to solve making them kinda pointless. the final boss is basically a repeat of the first game but made easier by resetting the game over countdown making its inclusion just another artificial threat to make you anxious even tho theres no actual danger that i was aware of? since it was beatable in one try for me.
then the last thing you do is shoot a portal to the moon to teleport wheatley out of the room into space nevermind how it makes no sense how you can somehow see the moon in this facility when youre supposed to be hundreds of feet below the surface??? also the size of this facility is sorta preposterous its just unbelievable how enormous it is compared to the original? fucking whatever anyways the game doesnt let you discover this idea or figure it out on your own, it points the camera directly at the moon and it doesnt let you move the camera away so literally the only thing you can do is be forced to shoot a portal. its just a glorified cutscene and since its the last thing you do in the game it really left a bad taste in my mouth when it couldve been a cool moment as a last thing to figure out. but no it has to dumb itself down as much as possible and show you the moon landing site. it just feels so condescending. the game just wants to make you feel smart rather than rewarding you when you actually are. like if youre too stupid not to figure this basic stuff out you shouldnt be playing this game. and thats okay! not everything needs to be designed to be sold to everyone. not everything needs to be accessible for stupid fucking [redacted]'s. i hate capitalism.
this game just tastes so plastic and slimy and unreal. its not totally worthless i had lots of fun at times with the puzzles but its not everything it couldve been storywise so its just a disappointing bummer the more i think about the potential it had.
2 stars at worst. 3 stars at best.