Skyward Sword is dreadfully dull despite its control innovations. I actually quite enjoyed the motion controls. They are often imprecise, but this is counterbalanced by generous margins for error and made worthwhile for their immersive quality. Unfortunately what you actually do with those controls is . . . nothing of interest. Flying is framed as a glorious release from pedestrian traversal, but in reality there's a tremendous amount of empty space between points of interest.

Character designs are delightfully goofy, but even this HD remaster looks smudgy and badly lit. It's actually bizarre how ugly this game is compared to its contemporaries. But, all that could be forgiven if the gameplay wasn't just tedious waypoint chasing. What does the stamina system do other than slow the game down? I actually laughed out loud at how slow Link is when climbing. Why are all the characters so talkative when they have nothing to say? It's incredible to trace Breath of the Wild's lineage back to this game and see how much of a difference a handful of design decisions make.

As a huge fan of the original Paper Mario 64, it is an immense disappointment that I can't seem to enjoy the sequel. Of course, some of the changes are unmitigated successes - combat is more engaging, more strategic, and more fun. The writing is often charming and funny, although there's a lot more generic speech in The Thousand Year Door. The new settings are beautiful and inventive. However, locales and elocution are not what make a game great.

Exploring the levels is exhausting. Mario's movement speed is slow, and goodies are often completely hidden in order to prompt the player to comprehensively canvas every inch of floor space. Most of the levels are either hallways or mazes, with pipes used to disorienting effect. In the remake this problem balloons from inelegant to ponderous, with a low framerate, menu input stutters, and fixed-speed dialogue. On top of this, every new ability is accompanied by an excruciating tutorial.

Partners are largely one-dimensional archetypes, lacking even the rudimentary characterization that 64 offered. The Peach interludes are now regressive filler that really drives home how flavorless and dull the bad guys are. Is there any trope more played-out than a computer asking "what is love?" Chapter 3, where I am terminating this playthrough, is a great example of this game's dichotomy. You are introduced to a charming, glamorous WWE arena and tasked with fighting a sequence of boring generic enemies in a row. It's not unlike the whiplash I felt when I stumbled across the mysterious Pit of 100 Trials beneath the city streets, only to discover that it's just a repetitious, tedious combat challenge.

I really wanted to like this game, and I had hoped that the remake would elevate my experience. Instead, it's a mix of upgrades and downgrades (why is the new music so aggressive?) that took a game I felt ambivalent about and solidified my dislike.