Okay, so, I saw this listed on the F2P thread and added it to my library. It didn’t look like anything super impressive on the store so I didn’t download it right away, then I saw a comment about the game saying it didn’t take too long to complete. Since one of my Bingo slots is a game you can complete in one sitting,

I thought I’d give it a try and see if I could knock it out quickly and if I could add it to my list. First off, there’s no story so I’m not going to include it. Secondly… well, I don’t wanna say it’s terrible but it’s definitely not for me.

As a certified dumbass, I’m not fond of games that just throw you in the deep end before telling you how to swim. I recently made a ranty post on my blog about tutorials and hand-holding, but I think tutorials are still important. It’s like games struggle to find the perfect balance, at least for me. They either hold your hand and treat you like a child or they throw you in without any help at all.

This game is the latter. You just start playing without knowing where you are, who you are, or what the feck you’re doing with your life. Also, who thought it was okay to make the shoot button THE LEFT STICK?? Do you know how long I ran in circles spamming every button that MOST games use as a shooting button only to find the controls in the menu and realize it’s the LEFT FECKIN’ STICK??

That should honestly be a crime. It just feels so awkward and I don’t like it.

Now, I have a total of like 2 friends, both of whom play different game genres and don’t really play with me that often. And sure, you CAN solo this game and get it done, others have, but it makes the experience even LESS fun and even MORE frustrating. There is an online matchmaking but I sat there for like 10 minutes two different times before giving up.

I will say when I first got on the game, I immediately went to co-op mode and got a match fairly quick, but because I had NO IDEA what the feck I was doing, I did nothing but run around and die (if you’re that person that was there with me, I am so feckin’ sorry, I tried to act as a meat shield for you.)

There is couch co-op but, again, I have no friends IRL and my cat refuses to learn how to use a controller. However, the guide posted on this site for the game offered up a handy little tip – even if you’re not playing with someone, it’s handy to have the extra character there in case you die. This is the strat I was forced to go with since I couldn’t find another online match.

I chose the 3-player option but only connected a second controller. You need the second controller to move the character over to your main character on the occasion that the door is too far away from the second and third characters so your main is off screen and can’t open the door. You only need to move 1 closer in order to see the door.

While those two stood there taking all the damage, I would attack the creatures and try to pop down that healing pet next to them so they don’t die as quick. It’s a solid strat, but there’s one flaw – the feckin’ respawn time. It gets longer each time they die so unless you wanna risk it for the biscuit, you’re gonna be sitting there waiting for a hot ass minute.

There’s also no way to know where the boss is or IF the boss will be there so you’re basically just running around like a headless chicken hoping you don’t die and have to start over. I’m not sure if this boss mechanic is meant to be this way, like “maybe he’ll be there maybe he won’t you’ll never know~” or if it’s just a glitch. Either way, if you’re soloing it, it’s gonna take some time to get that boss trophy.

I’ll admit, the other trophies seem to be pretty easy to get. I was gettin’ em left and right without even knowing how or why lmao This game just feels very boring and painful to play and I’m so glad it’s free because I woulda been VERY disappointed if I paid for this – and satan knows I have enough regrets in my damn life XD I guess if you’re playing this with friends, it might be more amusing/fun.

That’s probably how it’s intended to be played, honestly. It probably didn’t help that I had a massive headache during my playthrough, either, though. This game felt more like a chore than a game, it was super repetitive, there’s sooo much backtracking, and those damn respawn times, jesus. I know I complained about it already but you could take a feckin’ vacation and come back and they’d still be reviving.

Finally, I got tired of waiting and just started running room to room looking for the damn boss lmao Those free pets you get for binding your email are a lifesaver. I used the ones recommended in the guide and they are pretty OP. The fire one destroys everything and the healing one spits out lives. I would drop it down beside the two characters I wasn’t usin’ and they’d keep getting healed while I killed stuff with the fire dog.

It took me 3 hours on the same feckin’ map to find that damn boss ._.) I hate everything.

And I still needed 2000 coins for the last trophy. I didn’t have to worry about dying and missing the boss, though, so who cares how many times I died and got sent back. The only issue is the damn loading screen. Well, the logo is cool, at least. I got to stare at it for a while before I realized the game was frozen and NOT loading so I had to restart. This is so not how I planned to spend my morning.

Here’s a life hack for the coins, though – if you leave the first room and go back in, the boxes will respawn. And if you get lucky, the second room will also have boxes so you can keep going back and forth to farm coins without wasting time on fighting.

And I know what you’re thinking – “if you hate it so much, why keep playing?” Because I have enough unfinished games on my damn profile and I don’t want another one lmao And also trophies. And also also I might be a masochist, who knows.

I will say this, though – whatever level that blue forest is, it’s pretty feckin’ cool and I love the blue. If only our palm trees looked like that, I might not hate them so much haha

TL;DR: I don’t recommend this game, it’s painful and boring.