Video games can turn out to be a lot of things. Some games can become masterpieces that will go on to be remembered and cherished for decades to come. Some games can become the electronic equivalent of a dumpster fire, one that we will mock and laugh at for decades to come, just because of how terrible it is. Some games can leave little-to-no impact whatsoever, and just simply be there for someone to play, have a quick opinion on, and then never touch again. But then there are games that are just nothing, whether it being through lazy gameplay, lackluster execution, or just by simply not giving a shit and releasing a shovelware product in the hopes of getting a quick buck. One example of a “nothing” game would be with the original Rygar for the arcades.

I have known about this game for a while, particularly with the separate NES game, which I have wanted to check out for quite a while. However, seeing how that game came from an arcade game initially, my brain would kill me if I didn’t play through that one first, so I decided to do it, and it is the most “nothing” game that I have ever played in a while. It’s not bad, it’s not good, it just simply fills the role of being a thing that does exist, and god help you if you decide to play it, as it will prove to you just how much of a waste of time it truly is.

The story is pretty detailed for an arcade game, but as per usual, it all devolves into “evil took over, go stop it”, the graphics are pretty good, but something about them don’t really grab me as much as other arcade games, the music is also pretty good, but some of the tracks do get pretty repetitive at points, the control is pretty much what you would expect, with nothing much to say about them except for the jumping being a little heavy, and the gameplay is the crowned jewel of the repetitive gold mine, which just scratches the surface of how much of a “nothing” game this is.

The game is a 2D action platformer, where you go from left to right at all times, defeating MANY enemies using your trusty Diskarmor, which is basically a killer yo-yo, you gain plenty of points and power-ups along the way to make your weaponry stronger, and… that is about it. There is one boss that you fight, but he only shows up right at the end of the game, and it is one of the most pathetic boss fights I have ever seen, where you can easily take him out with three shots of the powered up Diskarmor. Aside from that though, there aren’t anymore changes in the gameplay, and that brings us to how this game is primarily just nothing.

There are 27 levels, or “rounds”, in this game, which sounds like a lot for this type of game, right? Well, it really is not. All of the levels are very short, and all you really have to do for all of the levels is just to run straight to the end while defeating enemies. Sure, there will be points where you will jump across platforms and climb up/down ropes, but for the most part, it is mainly just running while defeating enemies. They try to make up for this monotony by throwing a bunch of enemies at you at once, or as I like to call it, the arcade syndrome (didn’t miss that at all), but that doesn’t make up for anything when most of the enemies can just be ignored and sped past on your way to the end.

Now, with all that being said, it doesn’t sound that much like it would be a vat of nothingness. After all, if it possesses a menacing threat to the player, then there is at least something there to engage with, a challenge to conquer, a threat to overcome! However… that is not the case, as this is probably the most generous arcade game I have ever played. Whenever you die, you respawn right where you did die, even if it is right before the end of the level, and whenever you get a game over and continue with another credit, you ALSO respawn right where you die. So basically, you could just run through the entire game, not giving a fuck, constantly dying and getting game overs, with no consequences on the player whatsoever.

This is officially the point where the game goes from having some semblance of a soul, to it pretty much being just a lifeless corpse. There is absolutely NOTHING here to make the player feel engaged. No challenge, no variety, no satisfaction, no innovation to the genre, NOTHING AT ALL. It feels like Tecmo just looked at a bunch of other similar arcade games at the time, took all the bits and pieces from those games, and stapled them altogether to try to make something out of it, only to make something that retains no value whatsoever. Which is a shame, because the NES game based on this one actually has stuff in it! It has different types of stages, different genres it blends together, exploration elements, and plenty to do without keeping the player bored. To think that all of that came out of a game like THIS… it is just a goddamn miracle.

Overall, while there really isn’t anything fundamentally wrong with this game, I can’t give it anything higher then this rating in good conscience. It is one of the most worthless, meaningless, nothing games that I have ever played in my life, and if it wasn’t for the other games that would come after this one, I probably would never even have considered giving this one a chance. If you ever wanted to check out Rygar, play the NES game or the PS2 remake, because those games actually have things in them, rather just being a game on loop for half an hour. And to think, I was originally gonna spend $8 on this game before I decided to emulate it. Thank god I used my brain for once.

Game #282

Straightforward and decent arcade port. Run to the right hitting things and jumping over things. Managed just once to get into a vibe and did a successful clearing of the game. Fairly repetitive, but was designed to suck up a couple of credits in an arcade so a product of its times. I did like that instead of an arbitrary insta-death when the timer ran down (a common thing in older games that I hated), linger too long on a level and it spawned a giant demon head that would chase you and try to kill you.