"?? MYSTERY BAG ??" review - Part one of eight
Today, I attended PLAY Expo Glasgow 2023. They rent out a hockey rink and fill it with a load of arcade machines, old home computers and vendor booths. I didn't have a lot of time to spend there, but I'd regret it if I didn't go, and it was nice to have a shot of Dragon Wang on the Sega Mark III. One of the vendors was selling a £10 "?? MYSTERY BAG ??", adorned with Google image search results for "Sega", "Nintendo", "Xbox" and "PlayStation". I'm such a mark for these things.
I have fond memories of a subscription service called "My Retro Game Box" that ran during the height of Loot Crate's popularity. They'd ask which consoles you owned, which games you had for them, and what kinds of games you'd like more of. You got your fair share of stinkers, sure, but it's also the service that gave me Super Mario Advance, Kirby's Dream Land and Skate or Die: Bad n Rad. A wee surprise each month, and even the rotters were a good laugh for 20 minutes. The folk running it were real champs, and they got nothing but grief from cunts on Twitter complaining about being sent games like Shenmue and Ristar. It was unsustainable, and I don't think they kept it running for even a whole year.
That allure still sits with me, though. The games you didn't know you wanted to play.
I opened my bag.
TouchMaster for the DS is a collection of 23 touchscreen-based games from Midway. Despite their history of arcade hits such as Mortal Kombat, Rampage and NARC, they've opted to fill this with simple puzzle and card games. This was their pitch at the Touch Generations market, and there's little to draw the interest of gamers. It's also very skewed towards an American audience. There's a trivia game here, which asks you how many stitches are on a baseball and which sitcom Haley Joel Osment was on in 1997. There's an attempt at a Tetris-like puzzle game, but it's about coloured balls with numbers on them, and you can match three balls by either their colour or number, and it's really ugly and boring.
Those looking for action will be most drawn to "Hot Hoops", where five identical basketball players in #81 jerseys stand in a line as a hoop moves left and right at a constant speed. Touch each player in time and they will throw the ball at the hoop. Find the rhythm, and you'll play a perfect game.
I'm committed to reviewing each one of these eight games, to find some value in the £10 I spent on my bag.
I do not recommend TouchMaster.
Today, I attended PLAY Expo Glasgow 2023. They rent out a hockey rink and fill it with a load of arcade machines, old home computers and vendor booths. I didn't have a lot of time to spend there, but I'd regret it if I didn't go, and it was nice to have a shot of Dragon Wang on the Sega Mark III. One of the vendors was selling a £10 "?? MYSTERY BAG ??", adorned with Google image search results for "Sega", "Nintendo", "Xbox" and "PlayStation". I'm such a mark for these things.
I have fond memories of a subscription service called "My Retro Game Box" that ran during the height of Loot Crate's popularity. They'd ask which consoles you owned, which games you had for them, and what kinds of games you'd like more of. You got your fair share of stinkers, sure, but it's also the service that gave me Super Mario Advance, Kirby's Dream Land and Skate or Die: Bad n Rad. A wee surprise each month, and even the rotters were a good laugh for 20 minutes. The folk running it were real champs, and they got nothing but grief from cunts on Twitter complaining about being sent games like Shenmue and Ristar. It was unsustainable, and I don't think they kept it running for even a whole year.
That allure still sits with me, though. The games you didn't know you wanted to play.
I opened my bag.
TouchMaster for the DS is a collection of 23 touchscreen-based games from Midway. Despite their history of arcade hits such as Mortal Kombat, Rampage and NARC, they've opted to fill this with simple puzzle and card games. This was their pitch at the Touch Generations market, and there's little to draw the interest of gamers. It's also very skewed towards an American audience. There's a trivia game here, which asks you how many stitches are on a baseball and which sitcom Haley Joel Osment was on in 1997. There's an attempt at a Tetris-like puzzle game, but it's about coloured balls with numbers on them, and you can match three balls by either their colour or number, and it's really ugly and boring.
Those looking for action will be most drawn to "Hot Hoops", where five identical basketball players in #81 jerseys stand in a line as a hoop moves left and right at a constant speed. Touch each player in time and they will throw the ball at the hoop. Find the rhythm, and you'll play a perfect game.
I'm committed to reviewing each one of these eight games, to find some value in the £10 I spent on my bag.
I do not recommend TouchMaster.