This review contains spoilers
My god there is a game under this pile of fucking rubble somewhere. I swear I'll find it and be a true member of the glove buddies.
I had no idea as to what I was getting into with glover. On a whim I wanted to try to play it because I really liked the glove from a distance, with the way he looked and all from the cover. Sadly, the cracks immediately started to show but at least the hellride was only 3 hours long. I bet I could summarize every level with how short it eventually becomes.
Atlantis: Man this level fuckin rocked. It's short and the tracks were just banging out of the gate. Collecting everything in that small area was really relaxing when just starting to get a foothold for glover's controls, really just set the highlight for the entire glover playthrough for me as it was just going to be rocky from here on.
Carnival: This level was a big toss up for me, as the flying pigs can go fuck themselves for stealing my ball more than half of the time and the bee being bugged and not wanting to pop the pig balloon caused me to have to keep trying to move my ball fast enough as to not get caught, or risk getting soft locked again and again. Other than that, was a fine level really. The carnival games on the first part of the level was pretty cute, with the plinko and all, but just fine overall.
Pirate's realm: This level fucking blows my ass. As there are tight jumps you have to make and having your dribbles be delayed on purpose as glover is an absolute nightmare. This level sucked like hell and I'm glad I never get to touch it again. This is also where the music takes a nosedive into just penismusic tier tracks, so just a crap level overall.
Prehistoric level: Oh god we're finally back into good track territory. Too bad that the level is just as lame as the pirate level, as there is not much extra to the level except for the amount of collectables around the area which I didn't care about. The boss is just a bowling section and gets out of the way fast at least.
Fortress of fear: WHY DID THEY INTRODUCE A BOMB THAT CAN JUST CHASE YOU SO FAR AND HAVE IT'S EXPLOSION RADIUS THE SIZE OF A FUCKING NUKE. This entire level was just another headache after another, and if that wasn't fucking terrible, good luck being able to see shit more than half of the time when you're getting flashbanged every 5 seconds by the level. So much for an epilepsy warning when it feels like I'm playing through the damn porigon episode from pokemon. THIS LEVEL ALSO HAS ONE OF THE WORST FUCKING BOSSES AS YOU HAVE TO BALANCE YOUR BALL ON A PILLAR WITH ALREADY SHIT CONTROLS WHILE A BIG FRANKENSTEIN JUST SHITS ON YOUR DAY IF HE KICKS YOUR PILLAR OR SHOCKS THE PILLAR THAT YOUR BALL IS IN THIS IS THE WORST FIGHT IN THE GAME IF YOU DON'T GET THE RIGHT PILLAR OFF THE BAT FOR THE FIRST TIME. The music also goes back into the same shithole it crawled in during the pirate level.
And finally the space level. You would think that because there is zero gravity, there would be no fall damage as you're falling pretty slowly, but no. The fall damage is only negated if you're holding onto the damn ball, so if you're doing a platform part without the ball and miss the jump, tough fucking tits. I managed to get stuck on the second part of this level and I looked up a playthrough as to how they got through it and they just completely skipped the level by tossing their ball on a gear, and bouncing over the gate and into the goal. This was such a crapshow level to where the final boss is just A FUCKING TURRET SECTION ARE YOU KIDDING ME. Game ends you kill the fucking glove and the game shits on you if you didn't collect all the damn mcguffins or whatever the fuck they're called.
You know, for a game that was created 2 WHOLE YEARS AFTER MARIO 64, you'd think they would at least look at that and take some pointers from it, because underneath this cacophony of shit, there's a game here that could've been great. I really wanted to give glover a chance. I really did. But man did it let me down so hard. I do love all the little quirks they gave to him, as there was a lot of detail put to him at to how he behaved when he was idle or just on a ledge hanging out. Hell, even when he's underwater the camera just points at him in different dutch angles like he's in a goddamn evil dead film. Maybe in another life this could've been an improvement on something like mario 64 or just an improvement on the platformer genre in general.
I had no idea as to what I was getting into with glover. On a whim I wanted to try to play it because I really liked the glove from a distance, with the way he looked and all from the cover. Sadly, the cracks immediately started to show but at least the hellride was only 3 hours long. I bet I could summarize every level with how short it eventually becomes.
Atlantis: Man this level fuckin rocked. It's short and the tracks were just banging out of the gate. Collecting everything in that small area was really relaxing when just starting to get a foothold for glover's controls, really just set the highlight for the entire glover playthrough for me as it was just going to be rocky from here on.
Carnival: This level was a big toss up for me, as the flying pigs can go fuck themselves for stealing my ball more than half of the time and the bee being bugged and not wanting to pop the pig balloon caused me to have to keep trying to move my ball fast enough as to not get caught, or risk getting soft locked again and again. Other than that, was a fine level really. The carnival games on the first part of the level was pretty cute, with the plinko and all, but just fine overall.
Pirate's realm: This level fucking blows my ass. As there are tight jumps you have to make and having your dribbles be delayed on purpose as glover is an absolute nightmare. This level sucked like hell and I'm glad I never get to touch it again. This is also where the music takes a nosedive into just penismusic tier tracks, so just a crap level overall.
Prehistoric level: Oh god we're finally back into good track territory. Too bad that the level is just as lame as the pirate level, as there is not much extra to the level except for the amount of collectables around the area which I didn't care about. The boss is just a bowling section and gets out of the way fast at least.
Fortress of fear: WHY DID THEY INTRODUCE A BOMB THAT CAN JUST CHASE YOU SO FAR AND HAVE IT'S EXPLOSION RADIUS THE SIZE OF A FUCKING NUKE. This entire level was just another headache after another, and if that wasn't fucking terrible, good luck being able to see shit more than half of the time when you're getting flashbanged every 5 seconds by the level. So much for an epilepsy warning when it feels like I'm playing through the damn porigon episode from pokemon. THIS LEVEL ALSO HAS ONE OF THE WORST FUCKING BOSSES AS YOU HAVE TO BALANCE YOUR BALL ON A PILLAR WITH ALREADY SHIT CONTROLS WHILE A BIG FRANKENSTEIN JUST SHITS ON YOUR DAY IF HE KICKS YOUR PILLAR OR SHOCKS THE PILLAR THAT YOUR BALL IS IN THIS IS THE WORST FIGHT IN THE GAME IF YOU DON'T GET THE RIGHT PILLAR OFF THE BAT FOR THE FIRST TIME. The music also goes back into the same shithole it crawled in during the pirate level.
And finally the space level. You would think that because there is zero gravity, there would be no fall damage as you're falling pretty slowly, but no. The fall damage is only negated if you're holding onto the damn ball, so if you're doing a platform part without the ball and miss the jump, tough fucking tits. I managed to get stuck on the second part of this level and I looked up a playthrough as to how they got through it and they just completely skipped the level by tossing their ball on a gear, and bouncing over the gate and into the goal. This was such a crapshow level to where the final boss is just A FUCKING TURRET SECTION ARE YOU KIDDING ME. Game ends you kill the fucking glove and the game shits on you if you didn't collect all the damn mcguffins or whatever the fuck they're called.
You know, for a game that was created 2 WHOLE YEARS AFTER MARIO 64, you'd think they would at least look at that and take some pointers from it, because underneath this cacophony of shit, there's a game here that could've been great. I really wanted to give glover a chance. I really did. But man did it let me down so hard. I do love all the little quirks they gave to him, as there was a lot of detail put to him at to how he behaved when he was idle or just on a ledge hanging out. Hell, even when he's underwater the camera just points at him in different dutch angles like he's in a goddamn evil dead film. Maybe in another life this could've been an improvement on something like mario 64 or just an improvement on the platformer genre in general.