Bulletstorm has aged worse for me than any other game. I first played Bulletstorm back when I was a high school freshman and loved it. At the time, it was everything I wanted in a shooter. A decade passes and I decide to buy the remaster, thinking it’d be fun to revisit one of my favorite 7th gen shooters, only to feel nothing but utter betrayal. The game I remembered being colorful, fast-paced, charming, and unique was actually this ugly, boring slog with godawful dialogue. I felt betrayed by my own memories, I couldn’t believe there had been a point in my life where I had actually liked this game.

One of Bulletstorm’s biggest sins is how it absolutely wastes the voice talents of Steve Blum and Jennifer Hale. Both actors have done extensive work in children’s media, yet Bulletstorm’s script might be the single most juvenile thing either of them have ever recorded. It’s nothing but ‘shit fuck ass balls’ from the moment the game starts to the moment the credits roll. This shit makes Borderlands dialogue look like Disco Elysium.

Above all else, Bulletstorm is just lacking in any real creativity. The skillshot system seems fun at first, until you realize just how little opportunity you’re given to experiment with them so you’ll just be doing the same basic ones over and over and over again. Aside from that, It’s the same basic 7th gen shooter you’ve played a million of that Bulletstorm promoted itself as the ‘wild and crazy’ alternative to.