Monopoly is just a rip-off of Florida. Hospice care is also a rip-off of Florida. Florida is basically death's waiting room, and this is the board game that you have to play while you wait. Monopoly is like listening to a terrible teacher lecture you, and that teacher is the father of the Six Flags guy. The most optimal way to play Monopoly is with an oxygen tank while Everywhere At The End Of Time is playing over a loudspeaker, and if you're really hardcore, you should try playing it while on an IV drip too. Monopoly is basically like a disappointing trip to Sea World where you have to also watch the 'trainers' abuse the animals after the show. Playing Monopoly is equivalent to starring in Dallas Buyers Club and then watching it all the way through multiple times. You just sit there and watch yourself physically waste away into nothingness over and over and over again until you're sick of watching yourself in the process of dying and just want the grim reaper grant you the sweet release of death, but instead he just gives you more fucking Monopoly money. I hate Monopoly. I hate Monopoly! I fucking hate Monopoly.