“Something’s not right. You didn’t cheat your way to victory, did you?”

Ma’am, I have just been subjected by this game to biblical abominations of reflex skill games, utter horrors of foot racing, trampoline jumping, bomb diffusing, bomb fishing, bomb matching, bomb rolling, bomb shooting, and for all I know bomb swallowing. What this game expects anyone to do is far beyond anything that millions of years of evolution and/or God almighty’s creation alike could have ever expected the mere mortal human body to achieve, and I did it on a platform that the developers fifteen years ago could have never possibly imagined. If you want me to rescue you from the clutches of the dastardly pirate king, don’t ask me how I choose to do it if you think you won’t like the answer. Have a nice day.