I cannot believe someone willingly gave Cage money for his next project after this. I cannot believe I'm asking, begging even, to make David put LESS gameplay into his games.
Lucas, our main boy, wakes up in a restaurant bathroom after just killing a man while he was possessed by some shady dude. Police arrives and Lucas has to run, making this the start point of our investigation. Who was that dude? How was Lucas possessed? Why him? What's next?
Well. That was a two-thousand year-old mayan priest trying to find a kid that has the secret to everything. Lucas was possessed with the power of ancient mayan ritual because he won possessing lottery. Nothing. I'm absolutely not sorry for spoilers by the way, fuck Cage and fuck you if you unironically love this game.
So now we are in the story about supernatural cults trying to conquer the world. Turns out, Lucas was supposed to die right after murder because everyone who did it in the past went mad and killed himself. But Lucas didn't. Why, you may ask. Midichlorians. That's literally the answer our uncaged storyteller gives us. Bloody midichlorians. And now, because Lucas knows he has them, he can fly, kill people with his mind, dodge bullets, and do anything else that could come to batshit insane mind of David Cage. A little bit later in the plot a sentient AI appears from author's ass to... ... ... look, it appears to give us third ending, okay? So, we find the prodigal kid, and all three powers gather for one last final battle to learn the secret of the universe.
Obviously Lucas destroys everyone with his huge midichlorianic balls and absolutely fucking nothing happens. The end.
Obviously evil cult kills everyone with the power of two thousand year-old priest-ness-y and absolutely fucking nothing happens. The end.
Obviously a sentient AI made from pure energy easily kills everyone and humanity fucking dies. The end.
Considering this was David's first experience with movie-as-a-game genre, let's see what he has for us in gameplay department. Three difficulties, wow. First being the literal movie and the third being fucking exhausting. Just so you know, the game has five minutes long QTE sequences where one mistake can send you to the start. And the timing is everything but generous. I'm talking about hard, of course. Stealth segments are absolutely retarded where you can't believe anything you see until you tried and errored your way through. And the dialogue options locking other dialogue options making you wonder what the bloody hell is going on here are making me hollow.
Do not under any circumstances touch this abomination. Even with a three meter stick.
By the way, the remaster you're offered is a disgrace. It's basically an emulator on a disc with the PS2 game. Thanks for nothing, David.
Lucas, our main boy, wakes up in a restaurant bathroom after just killing a man while he was possessed by some shady dude. Police arrives and Lucas has to run, making this the start point of our investigation. Who was that dude? How was Lucas possessed? Why him? What's next?
Well. That was a two-thousand year-old mayan priest trying to find a kid that has the secret to everything. Lucas was possessed with the power of ancient mayan ritual because he won possessing lottery. Nothing. I'm absolutely not sorry for spoilers by the way, fuck Cage and fuck you if you unironically love this game.
So now we are in the story about supernatural cults trying to conquer the world. Turns out, Lucas was supposed to die right after murder because everyone who did it in the past went mad and killed himself. But Lucas didn't. Why, you may ask. Midichlorians. That's literally the answer our uncaged storyteller gives us. Bloody midichlorians. And now, because Lucas knows he has them, he can fly, kill people with his mind, dodge bullets, and do anything else that could come to batshit insane mind of David Cage. A little bit later in the plot a sentient AI appears from author's ass to... ... ... look, it appears to give us third ending, okay? So, we find the prodigal kid, and all three powers gather for one last final battle to learn the secret of the universe.
Obviously Lucas destroys everyone with his huge midichlorianic balls and absolutely fucking nothing happens. The end.
Obviously evil cult kills everyone with the power of two thousand year-old priest-ness-y and absolutely fucking nothing happens. The end.
Obviously a sentient AI made from pure energy easily kills everyone and humanity fucking dies. The end.
Considering this was David's first experience with movie-as-a-game genre, let's see what he has for us in gameplay department. Three difficulties, wow. First being the literal movie and the third being fucking exhausting. Just so you know, the game has five minutes long QTE sequences where one mistake can send you to the start. And the timing is everything but generous. I'm talking about hard, of course. Stealth segments are absolutely retarded where you can't believe anything you see until you tried and errored your way through. And the dialogue options locking other dialogue options making you wonder what the bloody hell is going on here are making me hollow.
Do not under any circumstances touch this abomination. Even with a three meter stick.
By the way, the remaster you're offered is a disgrace. It's basically an emulator on a disc with the PS2 game. Thanks for nothing, David.