As a hard-drive carrying member of Xbox Game Pass™, this game struck me as the equivalent of loitering at the Barnes & Noble after a long day of squandering what little savings I had with my buds at the mall. An oasis in the desert? Far from it, but at least they had a working restroom and comfy chairs!

Shredder’s Revenge exchanges your local bookstore's comfy chairs for controls and movesets that feel snappy and satisfying. Strap in, because for the next 2 hours you’ll have a perfectly adequate time while you go through the motions, quickly realizing that despite the options presented to you by the game, there’s really nothing better than spamming your taunt and specials. On and on the mashing goes, and the hooting and hollering of the others in the room grows all the more uproarious. While waiting for a boss’s invulnerability phase to pass for the umpteenth time I found myself wondering: why am I still playing this?

Because I love my friends, and I want to hold on to these fleeting moments as they become more and more infrequent. The bookstore of days past was simply what we were able to settle on as a place to ride out the rest of the day. I don’t even like books! Just the same I was never really gripped by the turtle craze despite being born during its apex. Where and What simply can’t hold a candle to Who. Perhaps I’m just better at remembering faces?

To it's credit I suppose Barnes & Noble did a pretty serviceable job of creating an inoffensive environment for miscreant youth to take shelter in, but soon it will look like the local bookstores that it killed off. Will I mourn it? Not particularly. So too do I not lie in anguish at night about the coming and going of mediocre beat em ups like Scott Pilgrim and its ilk. But I’ll keep listening to their bangin’ soundtracks and remembering the good times I had with my buds.

Also daawwww I want what Bebop and Rocksteady have. Love those buffoons. <3