I have been trying to finish this game since 2013. When I was 11 I played up until Dragon Roost Cavern and stopped, too hard for my small child brain, I presumed. When I was 12 I played up until Dragon Roost Cavern, beat it, and then stopped, still too hard for my small child brain. When I was 15 I actually got to Forest Haven (dear god), but alas, I stopped, too hard and clunky for my zoomer mind.

This time I tried, I really tried. I'm an adult man now, I've got the patience to suffer through the worst shit imaginable, I've got a walkthrough to help me navigate around the patented "gamecube horseshit", I have so, so much free time. And, to be fair, I got quite far this time; I did Forest Haven, I suffered through the tower of the gods, I did some of the worst side quests I think I've ever seen in a video game.

The earth temple broke me. I can't do this shit. I do not understand how anyone can think this is fun, It's some of the most jank shit imaginable. I can feel my blood pressure rising every time I jump off a small ledge while carrying Medli and then go flying into a wall. The arseholes over at Nintendo who designed this made one of the coolest worlds and traversal mechanics in any game ever and then buried it under an ocean of shit.

Hope to god Nintendo revisits the pirate theme for a future Zelda game because I would devour it.