YOU ARE "MACH RIDER"!

...Yes, I am Mach Rider. What is my mission? To ride, that is my mission, for I am Mach Rider. Why must I ride? I don't know, but these guys on their four-wheelers are horrible people who don't want me to ride peacefully. They have this terrible habit of running up behind me and crashing into my bike, making me explode into a million pieces. See that piece of debris by the side of the road? That is I, Mach Rider. It is actually customary for every beginning Mach Rider to forget that you must shift your gears so you can actually outrun your enemies, for you are Mach Rider, someone who should never be overtaken. Once you've figured out how to shift gears, then you are golden. You are "Golden Mach Rider".

Have you heard my theme song in Smash Bros. Melee? I was quite popular, some guy called "The Grinch" once approached me about attending "Smash Bros. Ultimate". I'm still waiting on him to call back...

Many people ask me how I can possibly react to the obstacles in my path, they come absurdly quickly and the turns are very treacherous, and the answer is that I am not a normal Rider, I am Mach Rider and all I know is to ride. My reflexes are sharp, my speed is second to none, I explode into a million pieces only to reform, because I refuse to stop riding. It is only when I finally lose the will to ride that my pieces will fly all over the place instead of reforming, leaving them to drift forever into space... along with the pieces of other failed Riders, who are all too eager to share their stories about riding.

I am Mach Rider, you are Mach Rider, and in a way we are all Mach Rider, forever riding to enjoy life as best we can, because that's all we can ever strive to do. Ride onward... fellow riders.