Brock Lesnar was a born and raised farm boy from Webster, South Dakota. At 17 years of age he looked to join the army, but was assigned to desk work after colorblindedness denied him entry to work with explosives (Can't imagine how dangerous this man would be with explosives on top of everything else). He was discharged from the army after failing a typing test and presumably ripping off the officer's arms in retaliation. He'd later work in construction, most likely building entire complexes by himself in the span of only hours. He would then make a name for himself in amateur wrestling, winning the NCAA Division 1 heavyweight wrestling championship and about 700 other championships after mauling at least 106 men.
Not long after he was signed to the WWF, where in OVW he would win the Southern Tag Team Championship with fellow freak athlete and former college roommate Shelton Benjamin a total of three times. After being bored of OVW he would debut on Monday Night Raw annihilating Al Snow, Maven and Spike Dudley in a match he wasn't even supposed to be in. Not long after he would tank a chairshot to the face from Jeff Hardy like it was nothing and then smash him and Matt Hardy into the ground on PPV. The Beast Incarnate would then win the 2002 King of the Ring and beat The Rock at Summerslam, winning the WWE championship in only five months since his debut. In addition to the WWE championship, he would also win the IWGP belt, and would take the UFC heavyweight belt off Randy Couture at UFC 91 after eating him alive, and would demolish the Undertaker and end his streak at WrestleMania. He also doesn't give a shit about your kids.
Needless to say, Brock is a man of very few equals. He could've potentially done any sport he wanted and most likely dominate at it, whether it was MMA, curling, electronic Battleship, or miniature golf.
However, all of that is absolutely fucking paltry compared to the depiction of Brock Lesnar in WWE Smackdown Here Comes The Pain on Playstation 2. The tale of this particular dragon is legendary across the pro wrestling/video game community. A STR stat that is apparently actually 12 and not the "10" depicted in-game, meaning he can massacre you in few moves. Picking Brock Lesnar in HCTP is the equivalent to picking Rugal in KoF or using a semi truck to race against go-kart drivers. You don't fuck with HCTP Brock, not even real life Brock would want to fuck with HCTP Brock. You don't master HCTP until you've defeated Brock Lesnar in a last man standing match with Stevie Richards on Smackdown difficulty WITHOUT abusing the sledgehammer.
If you don't do this you cannot be considered a true master of Here Comes The Pain.
Great game btw, you can fly off a helicopter in Times Square onto someone.
Not long after he was signed to the WWF, where in OVW he would win the Southern Tag Team Championship with fellow freak athlete and former college roommate Shelton Benjamin a total of three times. After being bored of OVW he would debut on Monday Night Raw annihilating Al Snow, Maven and Spike Dudley in a match he wasn't even supposed to be in. Not long after he would tank a chairshot to the face from Jeff Hardy like it was nothing and then smash him and Matt Hardy into the ground on PPV. The Beast Incarnate would then win the 2002 King of the Ring and beat The Rock at Summerslam, winning the WWE championship in only five months since his debut. In addition to the WWE championship, he would also win the IWGP belt, and would take the UFC heavyweight belt off Randy Couture at UFC 91 after eating him alive, and would demolish the Undertaker and end his streak at WrestleMania. He also doesn't give a shit about your kids.
Needless to say, Brock is a man of very few equals. He could've potentially done any sport he wanted and most likely dominate at it, whether it was MMA, curling, electronic Battleship, or miniature golf.
However, all of that is absolutely fucking paltry compared to the depiction of Brock Lesnar in WWE Smackdown Here Comes The Pain on Playstation 2. The tale of this particular dragon is legendary across the pro wrestling/video game community. A STR stat that is apparently actually 12 and not the "10" depicted in-game, meaning he can massacre you in few moves. Picking Brock Lesnar in HCTP is the equivalent to picking Rugal in KoF or using a semi truck to race against go-kart drivers. You don't fuck with HCTP Brock, not even real life Brock would want to fuck with HCTP Brock. You don't master HCTP until you've defeated Brock Lesnar in a last man standing match with Stevie Richards on Smackdown difficulty WITHOUT abusing the sledgehammer.
If you don't do this you cannot be considered a true master of Here Comes The Pain.
Great game btw, you can fly off a helicopter in Times Square onto someone.
4 Comments
Re-reading this review was fun, but part of me is wondering how tasteful it is anymore nowadays. Even if it does pivot to celebrating a make believe video game Brock Lesnar instead of the real one, but I guess context is key.
I like how one of the new additions in 2K24 is being able to throw weapons, and here I'm doing this in a game from over two decades ago. Games need to be simpler and crazier man, I don't give a shit about sliders and realism. We're so focused on fine details that barely anyone actually gives a shit about. Had a blast doing my annual royal rumble and watching Sgt. Cortez from Timesplitters have a Stone Cold beer bash post-match. That's all I need in life.
I like how one of the new additions in 2K24 is being able to throw weapons, and here I'm doing this in a game from over two decades ago. Games need to be simpler and crazier man, I don't give a shit about sliders and realism. We're so focused on fine details that barely anyone actually gives a shit about. Had a blast doing my annual royal rumble and watching Sgt. Cortez from Timesplitters have a Stone Cold beer bash post-match. That's all I need in life.
God this was peak wrestling games for real. Hope those charges don't stick to Les, man. He will starve to death if he doesn't eat 5 wrestlers with prospective futures. They more potential they had, the tastier they are.
@Username8 dude I miss crazy-ass wrestling games so much, it stopped at all-stars completely and now we're just stuck with 2K and AEW's Day of Reckoning engine beta.
maradona
1 year ago