I got hit in the head very hard and woke up here...
I have a bad relationship with Mario Party and have already written several incendiary reviews on that series. I'll never apologize for those, because Mario Party has hurt me in ways both psychological and physical. The same can be said about Sonic the Hedgehog, so Sonic Shuffle is a real "worlds colliding" moment, smashing me between two points with such force that all my internal organs are emulsified on impact. Welcome to Maginary World, it fuckin' sucks here.
The Precious Stone, which governs the world of dreams, has been shattered by Void, a spirit who's only sin is being an avatar for the dark half of man that exists within us all and who the game repeatedly tells the player had the audacity to even exist. Not going to say this silly little story is offensive or anything but it is also really funny when your heroes are like "the world of dreams was once a beautiful place, and then Void had to be born..." Even Sonic gets in on this savagery, dogpiling the poor guy and going so far as to assault him before finally growing a conscious and realizing Void just wants to be embraced and made whole.
Look, there's something to be said here about stones and glass houses, because after slogging my way through Shuffle's story mode, I wanna jump the guy, too.
Sonic Shuffle forgoes dice rolls in favor of a card system, removing some of the random chance present in Mario Party for something more strategic. You can move a set amount of spaces based on what's available in your hand, or draw a card blindly from your opponent's hand, and on paper this actually sounds like a good system. Indeed, it might be if you're playing with friends, but every time I politely requested Fightcade to "ADD SONIC SHUFFLE OR I WILL DO SOMETHING WE BOTH REGRET" I was curiously met with silence. It's like they don't appreciate it or something. Very strange.
The AI is so brutal that the Sonic Wikia has a whole section dedicated specifically to combating it, something that is absolutely not the responsibility of an encyclopedia article to do. Even the Wikia admits the AI is skewed upwards, and from personal experience I can confirm the computer on "normal" is able to read everyone's hands and will routinely pick the cards that are the most advantageous, either for their personal benefit or by anticipating what you need and making the choice to kneecap you. Though it's noted as a characteristic of hard mode, on several occasions the computer veered away from a precious stone to camp out near where the next would spawn, and since Eggman will drop a fucking 16-ton anvil on the head of the player furthest from the last collected stone, this meant being actively punished for grabbing a stone only for another character to claim the next before I even had a chance to move.
At least playing in Redream bestowed me with the ability to cheat. Oh, the AI can see all my cards, can they? Well, if I just habitually load a save state, I too can know the placement of every card! I don't have to finish each level with six precious stone pieces, or the most rings and mini-game wins-- I don't need things, I want them. Now I am become Mario Party.... How the tables have turned.
Being allowed to tap into my own disgusting sadism aside, it is worth having this level of insurance to insulate you from the computer, as in true party game fashion, you might just lose to some bullshit and have to replay the entire board. The only difference here is that Sonic Shuffle drops any pretense of being random, it doesn't care to veil itself in the illusion of chance and is upfront with its cruelty. I gotta respect that.
It also just feels bad to play regardless of how conniving the AI is. Mini-games are uninspired and control poorly, and they fall into the Mario Party trap of not filtering previously played games out of the rotation. After beating the story mode, there were still thirteen mini-game I hadn't even seen. At least Sonic Shuffle has the decency to not end every turn with a mini-game, instead having them trigger by landing on an event space. Unfortunately, this also means you can roll a turn where you end up playing four mini-games, so fuck, I don't know! There are also "Accident!" games which trigger randomly and are unique to the board, but these lack any kind of preamble to convey the rules, instead placing them on the bottom of the screen while the game is underway. Not gonna complain about reading subtitles, but this is like trying to process information while a brick is being thrown at you just outside your periphery.
Mini-games aren't the only thing that feels insipid about Sonic Shuffle. Even the boards themselves are dull, with extremely trite gimmicks like not being able to step across alligators if their mouths are open. Fuck that. I'm gonna lay down, let the jaws of the beast take me. That's far more preferable to listening to lumina explain each board's unique spaces which, it turns out, just warp you to a random location. That's it, that's what all of them do. The final board is laid out like the Vortex World from Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne and it is absolutely confounding. Probably spent more time just looking at the map counting spaces to figure out the most efficient route to a precious stone piece only for the math to never work out with how many spaces away the game claims I am, and I have to think it's just miscounting and judging distance through some other metric. Or maybe it's not, I can't tell!
I remember my first experience with this game. I was at Wal-Mart probably a month or two after it released. Sonic Shuffle, a Sonic game I hadn't heard of?? How is that possible...? I begged my dad to buy it, went home, popped it in the Dreamcast, and had a truly miserable time. And yet, I played it to completion. You'll just have to trust me on this because the battery to my VMU has long since died, and though I still own the game, I can't really prove that I unlocked every character and every item in Sonic's room. But like a man possessed, I did. This time? I settled for beating the story mode.
"See you again..."
No, you won't.
I have a bad relationship with Mario Party and have already written several incendiary reviews on that series. I'll never apologize for those, because Mario Party has hurt me in ways both psychological and physical. The same can be said about Sonic the Hedgehog, so Sonic Shuffle is a real "worlds colliding" moment, smashing me between two points with such force that all my internal organs are emulsified on impact. Welcome to Maginary World, it fuckin' sucks here.
The Precious Stone, which governs the world of dreams, has been shattered by Void, a spirit who's only sin is being an avatar for the dark half of man that exists within us all and who the game repeatedly tells the player had the audacity to even exist. Not going to say this silly little story is offensive or anything but it is also really funny when your heroes are like "the world of dreams was once a beautiful place, and then Void had to be born..." Even Sonic gets in on this savagery, dogpiling the poor guy and going so far as to assault him before finally growing a conscious and realizing Void just wants to be embraced and made whole.
Look, there's something to be said here about stones and glass houses, because after slogging my way through Shuffle's story mode, I wanna jump the guy, too.
Sonic Shuffle forgoes dice rolls in favor of a card system, removing some of the random chance present in Mario Party for something more strategic. You can move a set amount of spaces based on what's available in your hand, or draw a card blindly from your opponent's hand, and on paper this actually sounds like a good system. Indeed, it might be if you're playing with friends, but every time I politely requested Fightcade to "ADD SONIC SHUFFLE OR I WILL DO SOMETHING WE BOTH REGRET" I was curiously met with silence. It's like they don't appreciate it or something. Very strange.
The AI is so brutal that the Sonic Wikia has a whole section dedicated specifically to combating it, something that is absolutely not the responsibility of an encyclopedia article to do. Even the Wikia admits the AI is skewed upwards, and from personal experience I can confirm the computer on "normal" is able to read everyone's hands and will routinely pick the cards that are the most advantageous, either for their personal benefit or by anticipating what you need and making the choice to kneecap you. Though it's noted as a characteristic of hard mode, on several occasions the computer veered away from a precious stone to camp out near where the next would spawn, and since Eggman will drop a fucking 16-ton anvil on the head of the player furthest from the last collected stone, this meant being actively punished for grabbing a stone only for another character to claim the next before I even had a chance to move.
At least playing in Redream bestowed me with the ability to cheat. Oh, the AI can see all my cards, can they? Well, if I just habitually load a save state, I too can know the placement of every card! I don't have to finish each level with six precious stone pieces, or the most rings and mini-game wins-- I don't need things, I want them. Now I am become Mario Party.... How the tables have turned.
Being allowed to tap into my own disgusting sadism aside, it is worth having this level of insurance to insulate you from the computer, as in true party game fashion, you might just lose to some bullshit and have to replay the entire board. The only difference here is that Sonic Shuffle drops any pretense of being random, it doesn't care to veil itself in the illusion of chance and is upfront with its cruelty. I gotta respect that.
It also just feels bad to play regardless of how conniving the AI is. Mini-games are uninspired and control poorly, and they fall into the Mario Party trap of not filtering previously played games out of the rotation. After beating the story mode, there were still thirteen mini-game I hadn't even seen. At least Sonic Shuffle has the decency to not end every turn with a mini-game, instead having them trigger by landing on an event space. Unfortunately, this also means you can roll a turn where you end up playing four mini-games, so fuck, I don't know! There are also "Accident!" games which trigger randomly and are unique to the board, but these lack any kind of preamble to convey the rules, instead placing them on the bottom of the screen while the game is underway. Not gonna complain about reading subtitles, but this is like trying to process information while a brick is being thrown at you just outside your periphery.
Mini-games aren't the only thing that feels insipid about Sonic Shuffle. Even the boards themselves are dull, with extremely trite gimmicks like not being able to step across alligators if their mouths are open. Fuck that. I'm gonna lay down, let the jaws of the beast take me. That's far more preferable to listening to lumina explain each board's unique spaces which, it turns out, just warp you to a random location. That's it, that's what all of them do. The final board is laid out like the Vortex World from Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne and it is absolutely confounding. Probably spent more time just looking at the map counting spaces to figure out the most efficient route to a precious stone piece only for the math to never work out with how many spaces away the game claims I am, and I have to think it's just miscounting and judging distance through some other metric. Or maybe it's not, I can't tell!
I remember my first experience with this game. I was at Wal-Mart probably a month or two after it released. Sonic Shuffle, a Sonic game I hadn't heard of?? How is that possible...? I begged my dad to buy it, went home, popped it in the Dreamcast, and had a truly miserable time. And yet, I played it to completion. You'll just have to trust me on this because the battery to my VMU has long since died, and though I still own the game, I can't really prove that I unlocked every character and every item in Sonic's room. But like a man possessed, I did. This time? I settled for beating the story mode.
"See you again..."
No, you won't.