This might be one of my biggest disappointments in terms of "hyped" games, and this game is from 2010 it's insane to be disappointed by an old piece of shit!
"Play Alan Wake", they said, and since this game is somewhat considered a classic I thought "Sure, I loved Max Payne 2, and storytelling in games can be great! I'm sure I can trust Remedy's new game!" but oh-so-wrong I was!
This is the tale of a little boy saddened to see the state of Alan Wake on his Playstation 5.
Alright so pointing out the obvious, I don't care about pseud stories related to books and whatnot, I'm a gamer! I like Cheetos, I like Gamecubes, I like boxes with Xs on them and stupid shit like Mario! I don't fucking know about books and I'm not a writer either so I surely can't relate to Alan Wake and his stupid issues.
I'm not saying that all video game stories have to be dumb or relatable to the player, I'm just saying that if you give your game to greasy Xbox 360 players, from the Max Payne creators, I'm pretty sure they'd expect something else from the game.
Something that perplexes me is that this game does not seem to know what it wants to be, do you want to be a more story-focused experience like a Telltale game with episodes and such, or do you want to be a "Survival horror" similar to Resident Evil 5 and 6 (oh god)?
The game feels like they only had one idea on the drawing board and it was "Play with light and shadow", then they thought "Let's make it a horror game", but then like all 360era horror games it turned into a more action-focused game which removes any scares and replaces it by long fucking corridors that never ends with the same enemies and gameplay over and over, mixed with some poor metaphorical metastory meta whatever storytelling with a confusing cutscene and a story that writes itself with the most obvious ending possible which only released as DLC, yeah I'm pissed.
I have a fun game in mind, since this game is pretty much a mix of all cliché Xbox 360 games I think it would be fun to list everything you've seen overused in other games from that era!
This game is a third-person shooter
It has forced vehicle sections
it has regenerative HP
It has useless garbage collectibles for "Lore" and a set number of bonus collectibles for a nice "nothing" reward for collecting all 100
It uses a chapter system
Italian new-yorker sidekick
And probably many more that I cannot bring myself to remember, if anything this game is the most 360 of them all!
But is the main gimmick of the game even good? It's cool for 10 minutes, then you realize the "Light to fight monster" gimmick is just a loading bar for enemies, it never gets used in creative ways, you just flash the same enemies over and over till the very end of the game, the game doesn't even have real boss fights they are just copy pasted fast ghost dudes with the model of a relevant character from that chapter.
This game just feels like a time waster, the end twist is obvious, the gameplay isn't fun and it's REALLY repetitive, the characters all suck I don't like any of them other than the Italian sidekick.
I truly do not understand what people find so special about this game, did the people praising it even finish it?
But maybe it's just me, maybe I'm too dumb to understand such a deep and complex story! The boring gameplay just represents the sadness of alan wake! I swear!
"Play Alan Wake", they said, and since this game is somewhat considered a classic I thought "Sure, I loved Max Payne 2, and storytelling in games can be great! I'm sure I can trust Remedy's new game!" but oh-so-wrong I was!
This is the tale of a little boy saddened to see the state of Alan Wake on his Playstation 5.
Alright so pointing out the obvious, I don't care about pseud stories related to books and whatnot, I'm a gamer! I like Cheetos, I like Gamecubes, I like boxes with Xs on them and stupid shit like Mario! I don't fucking know about books and I'm not a writer either so I surely can't relate to Alan Wake and his stupid issues.
I'm not saying that all video game stories have to be dumb or relatable to the player, I'm just saying that if you give your game to greasy Xbox 360 players, from the Max Payne creators, I'm pretty sure they'd expect something else from the game.
Something that perplexes me is that this game does not seem to know what it wants to be, do you want to be a more story-focused experience like a Telltale game with episodes and such, or do you want to be a "Survival horror" similar to Resident Evil 5 and 6 (oh god)?
The game feels like they only had one idea on the drawing board and it was "Play with light and shadow", then they thought "Let's make it a horror game", but then like all 360era horror games it turned into a more action-focused game which removes any scares and replaces it by long fucking corridors that never ends with the same enemies and gameplay over and over, mixed with some poor metaphorical metastory meta whatever storytelling with a confusing cutscene and a story that writes itself with the most obvious ending possible which only released as DLC, yeah I'm pissed.
I have a fun game in mind, since this game is pretty much a mix of all cliché Xbox 360 games I think it would be fun to list everything you've seen overused in other games from that era!
This game is a third-person shooter
It has forced vehicle sections
it has regenerative HP
It has useless garbage collectibles for "Lore" and a set number of bonus collectibles for a nice "nothing" reward for collecting all 100
It uses a chapter system
Italian new-yorker sidekick
And probably many more that I cannot bring myself to remember, if anything this game is the most 360 of them all!
But is the main gimmick of the game even good? It's cool for 10 minutes, then you realize the "Light to fight monster" gimmick is just a loading bar for enemies, it never gets used in creative ways, you just flash the same enemies over and over till the very end of the game, the game doesn't even have real boss fights they are just copy pasted fast ghost dudes with the model of a relevant character from that chapter.
This game just feels like a time waster, the end twist is obvious, the gameplay isn't fun and it's REALLY repetitive, the characters all suck I don't like any of them other than the Italian sidekick.
I truly do not understand what people find so special about this game, did the people praising it even finish it?
But maybe it's just me, maybe I'm too dumb to understand such a deep and complex story! The boring gameplay just represents the sadness of alan wake! I swear!