This review contains spoilers
It was a thursday at the Square Enix offices, after releasing Advent Children and Dirge of Cerberus, Tetsuya Nomura was discussing with his team what would be their next step towards tarnishing Final Fantasy VII for cash. They did not know what else they could do, but then Hajime Tabata stormed into the room, proclaiming only two words:
"ZACK FAIR!"
The others raised their eyebrows. "Tabata-san, you are a genius!", says Nomura, as he gets off his chair and proceeds to ask for more details on Tabata's idea.
Tabata: We can make a game about the events that happened before FFVII, back when Cloud was only a generic Shinra grunt. The protagonist won't be him, though, I'm thinking about bringing Zack into the spotlight!
Nomura: Oh right, Zack! That guy from Cloud's flashbacks, the game really didn't tell much about him aside from Cloud's POV, huh.
Tabata: Exactly, we can make this cool prequel story about Zack, showing how things were before FFVII, exploring different facets of Shinra, the original game's characters, Zack's relationship with Aerith, even Sephiroth! We can humanize Sephiroth a bit and it will make people appreciate him even more!
Nomura: Hell yeah, and that's when we'll put Gackt in it!
Tabata: ... What?
Nomura: Don't you know Gackt? He's a japanese rockstar and the perfect model for my original FFVII villain! Gackt loves poetry and his dialogue will mostly be quoting lines from that play called Loveless because that makes him a deep and interesting character!
Tabata: Nomura-san, don't you think that's a bit silly? I mean, people just want to see the events surrounding Zack being expanded, there's no need to-
Nomura: And then we'll reveal that actually the one behind all the events that happened in the original game was Gackt! He's the one who caused Sephiroth to go bonkers and murder everyone in Nibelheim!
Tabata: Are you serious, dude?
Nomura: Also Zack will have a mentor.
Tabata: Fair enough... What's he gonna be like?
Nomura: He's like Zack but older, and 90% of his dialogue will be about honor.
Tabata: Oh for fuck's sake. What about Zack, then? Are you planning to turn him into some generic shounen hero or something like that?
Nomura: Yes.
Tabata: Goddammit... Can we at least make the gameplay engaging since the story is very likely to be utter shit?
Nomura: Sure thing, the gameplay will consist of walking on hallways and button mashing as you get buffs, limit breaks and even level ups randomly generated by this thing called DMW I've been thinking of.
Tabata: Sighs Can we at least make the ending good? It's Zack's death scene, after all, it needs to be impactful, maybe it will even trick people into believing the game is actually good just because of the lasting impact.
Nomura: Yeah sure, whatever.
Tabata: Okay then...
"ZACK FAIR!"
The others raised their eyebrows. "Tabata-san, you are a genius!", says Nomura, as he gets off his chair and proceeds to ask for more details on Tabata's idea.
Tabata: We can make a game about the events that happened before FFVII, back when Cloud was only a generic Shinra grunt. The protagonist won't be him, though, I'm thinking about bringing Zack into the spotlight!
Nomura: Oh right, Zack! That guy from Cloud's flashbacks, the game really didn't tell much about him aside from Cloud's POV, huh.
Tabata: Exactly, we can make this cool prequel story about Zack, showing how things were before FFVII, exploring different facets of Shinra, the original game's characters, Zack's relationship with Aerith, even Sephiroth! We can humanize Sephiroth a bit and it will make people appreciate him even more!
Nomura: Hell yeah, and that's when we'll put Gackt in it!
Tabata: ... What?
Nomura: Don't you know Gackt? He's a japanese rockstar and the perfect model for my original FFVII villain! Gackt loves poetry and his dialogue will mostly be quoting lines from that play called Loveless because that makes him a deep and interesting character!
Tabata: Nomura-san, don't you think that's a bit silly? I mean, people just want to see the events surrounding Zack being expanded, there's no need to-
Nomura: And then we'll reveal that actually the one behind all the events that happened in the original game was Gackt! He's the one who caused Sephiroth to go bonkers and murder everyone in Nibelheim!
Tabata: Are you serious, dude?
Nomura: Also Zack will have a mentor.
Tabata: Fair enough... What's he gonna be like?
Nomura: He's like Zack but older, and 90% of his dialogue will be about honor.
Tabata: Oh for fuck's sake. What about Zack, then? Are you planning to turn him into some generic shounen hero or something like that?
Nomura: Yes.
Tabata: Goddammit... Can we at least make the gameplay engaging since the story is very likely to be utter shit?
Nomura: Sure thing, the gameplay will consist of walking on hallways and button mashing as you get buffs, limit breaks and even level ups randomly generated by this thing called DMW I've been thinking of.
Tabata: Sighs Can we at least make the ending good? It's Zack's death scene, after all, it needs to be impactful, maybe it will even trick people into believing the game is actually good just because of the lasting impact.
Nomura: Yeah sure, whatever.
Tabata: Okay then...