First 30 Minutes of Rage Gameplay (in handy script form):
Rage Guy: awakens in space capsule
AI: hello welcome to videos game, anyway see you
Rage Guy: oh okay I guess (enters the Wasteland) wow this looks like Borderlands
Not-Borderlands Bandits: MMMM FRESH MEAT
Rage Guy: whaaaat no way
Some bald guy in glasses: Come with me if you want to live
Rage Guy: sure
Bald glasses guy: here's my village. anyway, go murder an entire hideout of bandits and only then will I give you armor. i won't give you the armor before you go on a dangerous solo mission that'd be silly hahahaha
Rage Guy: wtf I literally just got here, at least give me a chance to--
Bald glasses guy: nope. bye fuckhead
Crazy Bandits: WE LOVE NOT HAVING HAIR
Rage Guy: lot of bald people in this game... no wonder this was on breaking bad... anyway, this should be easy enough--
Rage Guy: gets instantly captured, tortured, and murdered
Rage Guy: literally could not have seen this coming
Rage: forces you to play a weird ADHD minigame in order to defibrillate Rage Guy and make him not die
Me: what the actual fuck is going on
Rage Guy: kills all the bandits and leaves
Bald glasses guy: Haha you sure showed them, huh?
Rage Guy: hey I almost fucking died why didn't you just give me the armor beforehand--
Bald glasses guy: go to the next village and deliver this letter for me, peon
Rage Guy: grumblegrumblegrumblegrumble
Literally Every Villager In This Fucking Town: talk to rikter, don't talk to me
Rage Guy: oh my god okay fine, i just wanted to make some friends--
Rikter: HEY HEARD YOU WANTED TO SEE ME, YOU WANNA DO A QUEST FOR ME???????
Rage Guy: not particularly--
Rikter: OKAY WELL I'M LITERALLY GONNA STAND IN YOUR WAY AND PREVENT YOU FROM MOVING UNLESS YOU ACCEPT MY BUSYWORK
Rage Guy: BITCH MOVE HOLY SHIT, WHY CAN'T I JUMP AROUND YOU??? DO YOU CARRY INVISIBLE WALLS WITH YOU?
Rikter: Accept my quest HMMMMMMMM???????????
Rage Guy: ughh FIIINNEEEE
Rikter: okay, you may pass
Old Lady: oh hi dearie, would you like to do a quest--
Rage Guy: no, have a good day--
Rikter: I HAVE ANOTHER QUEST FOR YOU.
Me: You are OFFICIALLY ON MY SHIT LIST--
Rikter: I AM GOING TO BLOCK YOUR PATH ONCE AGAIN AND MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE TO PROGRESS UNLESS YOU ACCEPT MY BUSYWORK BWAAHAHEHAHEHAHEHAAHURHGHRHHHHH
Rage Guy + Me: RIKTER YOU FUCKING WHORE
Me: turns off the game, sighs Where's Miku when you need her the most... anyway, 1 / 5 the graphics are good
Rage Guy: awakens in space capsule
AI: hello welcome to videos game, anyway see you
Rage Guy: oh okay I guess (enters the Wasteland) wow this looks like Borderlands
Not-Borderlands Bandits: MMMM FRESH MEAT
Rage Guy: whaaaat no way
Some bald guy in glasses: Come with me if you want to live
Rage Guy: sure
Bald glasses guy: here's my village. anyway, go murder an entire hideout of bandits and only then will I give you armor. i won't give you the armor before you go on a dangerous solo mission that'd be silly hahahaha
Rage Guy: wtf I literally just got here, at least give me a chance to--
Bald glasses guy: nope. bye fuckhead
Crazy Bandits: WE LOVE NOT HAVING HAIR
Rage Guy: lot of bald people in this game... no wonder this was on breaking bad... anyway, this should be easy enough--
Rage Guy: gets instantly captured, tortured, and murdered
Rage Guy: literally could not have seen this coming
Rage: forces you to play a weird ADHD minigame in order to defibrillate Rage Guy and make him not die
Me: what the actual fuck is going on
Rage Guy: kills all the bandits and leaves
Bald glasses guy: Haha you sure showed them, huh?
Rage Guy: hey I almost fucking died why didn't you just give me the armor beforehand--
Bald glasses guy: go to the next village and deliver this letter for me, peon
Rage Guy: grumblegrumblegrumblegrumble
Literally Every Villager In This Fucking Town: talk to rikter, don't talk to me
Rage Guy: oh my god okay fine, i just wanted to make some friends--
Rikter: HEY HEARD YOU WANTED TO SEE ME, YOU WANNA DO A QUEST FOR ME???????
Rage Guy: not particularly--
Rikter: OKAY WELL I'M LITERALLY GONNA STAND IN YOUR WAY AND PREVENT YOU FROM MOVING UNLESS YOU ACCEPT MY BUSYWORK
Rage Guy: BITCH MOVE HOLY SHIT, WHY CAN'T I JUMP AROUND YOU??? DO YOU CARRY INVISIBLE WALLS WITH YOU?
Rikter: Accept my quest HMMMMMMMM???????????
Rage Guy: ughh FIIINNEEEE
Rikter: okay, you may pass
Old Lady: oh hi dearie, would you like to do a quest--
Rage Guy: no, have a good day--
Rikter: I HAVE ANOTHER QUEST FOR YOU.
Me: You are OFFICIALLY ON MY SHIT LIST--
Rikter: I AM GOING TO BLOCK YOUR PATH ONCE AGAIN AND MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE TO PROGRESS UNLESS YOU ACCEPT MY BUSYWORK BWAAHAHEHAHEHAHEHAAHURHGHRHHHHH
Rage Guy + Me: RIKTER YOU FUCKING WHORE
Me: turns off the game, sighs Where's Miku when you need her the most... anyway, 1 / 5 the graphics are good