Your moves are embarrassingly rad, but then your enemies are basically endless. You are always playing catch-up. Less power-fantasy than putting-out-fires-fantasy.

You have a lot of women warriors to choose from. But as Hyrule history makes clear, there are only so many because past Zeldas were full of female helpers and sidekicks. That they finally get to fight alongside the boys in a little meta-gaiden like this is no consolation. The new female villain, Cia, isn’t even allowed a true lust for power. She’s just lovesick for Link.

Hyrule Warriors is ultimately a feckless episode of Zelda Superfriends. Move along.