I have an apology to make: I was too harsh on Mega Man 7, which upon further reflection since my initial review has firmly rooted itself as one of my favorite Classic Mega Mans, an opinion only strengthened by basically everything I said felt weird and bad in that game being WAY worse in this one.

EVERYTHING is over-animated. Now it’s not just hard to judge where precisely you’re standing and how far or high your jumps are gonna go, but mega man’s comically floppy animations make it feel like you’re going slow as hell too. The buster feels weird. Additional weapons feel weird. Colors in every screen element are so intense as to be elevated from pleasantly cartoony to uncomfortably garish. The menu has these long animations to load in and out of it. There are little voice barks now and I hate that lol.

It’s a textbook Bad Mega Man Game death by a thousand cuts scenario where very little about this game is actually technically wrong but a lot of the little choices chafe on me personally. I could see this being a middling to high ranking Mega Man in someone’s estimation if they weren’t bothered by all the little aesthetic and game feel things here that fuck me up, and indeed I spoke to two people last night who enthusiastically defended this game from me when I, two levels deep, said what the fuck man how did this happen. So like, I get it! It’s not a Mega Man X3 situation where the game is just a sad shadow of its own defining traits from the ground up. It’s just firmly Not Working For Me. I’m always trying to convince people that I’m not just being a contrarian for the sake of it and lo, here it is: i think mega man 8 blows.

WHICH IS NOT TO SAY there isn’t joy to be had here, it’s just that unfortunately that joy comes, for me, almost exclusively from the non-play parts of the game. The hideous aesthetic choices that make looking at the game so unpleasant while you’re playing it also make it REALLY funny when you’re just watching it. Just fully leaving the bounds of Earth’s gravity with these robot master designs. Got an evil clown robot, got a- got a guy who Is An Igloo I guess, that man is a GRENADE. That’s just the first three guys right in a row. God’s bounty is endless. I don’t need to mention the English voice acting it’s incredible. Every line a treasure. I finally understand what Bass’ problem is man, he lives in a world where everybody is named after music and they’re all clearly mispronouncing his name on purpose!! I would be pissed too.

So that’s it I guess, classic mega man over. Weird one to end on. Oh I guess I should play Mega Man And Bass? That probably counts. Anyway. Didn’t like this one lol.