I am on my third hour of Super Punch-Out.
The World Circuit, thus far, hasn't been that difficult. Aran Ryan was a bastard, but Kagero and Mad Clown each go down well before the minute and a half mark. I'm going through this about as quickly as I feel I should be. Super Macho Man is the last one standing between Little Mac and the title belt, and I'm ready to take him on.
His first flurry of punches are easy to dodge, and are even easier to punish. His cornerman yells at him to do an "exercise routine". I soon find out that the exercise routine in question involves throwing four jabs at my face, and if one of them connect, they all connect. I find out slightly later that whatever exercise routine he does at any given point is randomized.
His next move is to twirl on his heel and throw a spinning back fist. I eat it, but stay up. We exchange a few more blows, and I go down. At the fifty second mark, he throws another spinning back fist. I eat it, and I go down from nearly full health. I realize now that the spinning back fist is an instant kill.
I try again. This time, I duck under the spinning back fist. He keeps going. I say, out loud and to nobody, "oh, he does it twice". I try again. I duck under the spinning back fist. I do it again. He keeps going, and I get hit on the third go around. "He does it three times. Alright."
I am on my fourth hour of Super Punch-Out.
I can't consistently get him. I'm getting sloppier the longer I go. I'm tired. I want to go to bed. I feel like I should have been done by now. I keep going. I'm getting better at the early phase of the fight. I can block his exercise routines. I can punish him not just with jabs now, but with super punches. I'm beating his ass, but that spinning back fist keeps getting me on the very first cycle.
He throws the spinning back fist. I duck under it three times. He keeps going. I am prepared, this time. I duck under it a fourth time. He throws out a fifth one. I feel something in my left eye straining.
I am on my fifth hour of Super Punch-Out.
Everything is going perfectly. I feel like I'm setting records for how quickly someone could feasibly win this fight, although I know I'm nowhere close. I think about the speedrunners who can play this game blindfolded. Super Macho Man goes down about forty seconds in, well before he can throw a single spinning back fist. He gets up, and decides it's time to unleash it. I'm ready. Five ducks, minimum.
He does it twice, and then stops.
It's random.
It barely even registers. I'm too far ahead for him to stop me, now. My victory is inevitable. I hammer away with jab after jab after uppercut after super punch, and he goes down. I do it again. He goes down again. TKO. I win. I get the title belt. Little Mac is the world champion. All is well.
The Special Circuit is now revealed.
Fuck.
The World Circuit, thus far, hasn't been that difficult. Aran Ryan was a bastard, but Kagero and Mad Clown each go down well before the minute and a half mark. I'm going through this about as quickly as I feel I should be. Super Macho Man is the last one standing between Little Mac and the title belt, and I'm ready to take him on.
His first flurry of punches are easy to dodge, and are even easier to punish. His cornerman yells at him to do an "exercise routine". I soon find out that the exercise routine in question involves throwing four jabs at my face, and if one of them connect, they all connect. I find out slightly later that whatever exercise routine he does at any given point is randomized.
His next move is to twirl on his heel and throw a spinning back fist. I eat it, but stay up. We exchange a few more blows, and I go down. At the fifty second mark, he throws another spinning back fist. I eat it, and I go down from nearly full health. I realize now that the spinning back fist is an instant kill.
I try again. This time, I duck under the spinning back fist. He keeps going. I say, out loud and to nobody, "oh, he does it twice". I try again. I duck under the spinning back fist. I do it again. He keeps going, and I get hit on the third go around. "He does it three times. Alright."
I am on my fourth hour of Super Punch-Out.
I can't consistently get him. I'm getting sloppier the longer I go. I'm tired. I want to go to bed. I feel like I should have been done by now. I keep going. I'm getting better at the early phase of the fight. I can block his exercise routines. I can punish him not just with jabs now, but with super punches. I'm beating his ass, but that spinning back fist keeps getting me on the very first cycle.
He throws the spinning back fist. I duck under it three times. He keeps going. I am prepared, this time. I duck under it a fourth time. He throws out a fifth one. I feel something in my left eye straining.
I am on my fifth hour of Super Punch-Out.
Everything is going perfectly. I feel like I'm setting records for how quickly someone could feasibly win this fight, although I know I'm nowhere close. I think about the speedrunners who can play this game blindfolded. Super Macho Man goes down about forty seconds in, well before he can throw a single spinning back fist. He gets up, and decides it's time to unleash it. I'm ready. Five ducks, minimum.
He does it twice, and then stops.
It's random.
It barely even registers. I'm too far ahead for him to stop me, now. My victory is inevitable. I hammer away with jab after jab after uppercut after super punch, and he goes down. I do it again. He goes down again. TKO. I win. I get the title belt. Little Mac is the world champion. All is well.
The Special Circuit is now revealed.
Fuck.
Vee
1 year ago