19/11/2023

so unbelievably lonely. i no longer want to pursue a friendship or relationship with someone who's really the only person I talk to because of their racist dad. because of both their parents actually. once theyre out of their parents' house maybe but until then i would rather die than be the recipient of racist rant after racist rant as soon as i leave their house. i want to talk to one person who actually Sees me and doesn't have to sneak me around. i hate just existing and everyone immediately seeing me & my body as a) political and b) other. if i am killed or if i kill someone they will be sure to prefix the news with a dissection of every aspect of my identity. i think the fact they mentioned the fact i am trans and nd to their parents has not helped.

my ex has already moved on. good for him. i keep seeing him everywhere i go and in everything i do.

feeling quasi-suicidal actually. like i wouldn't run into traffic but if a massive truck came to isekai me while i was crossing a street i wouldn't try to jump out the way.

i wish townscaper had the option to make the grid into an actual square grid. having to make your island bigger because of a weird segment that keeps warping houses is very tedious