Long ago when I was but a wee teenager, around the time of the 7th console generation, I distinctly remember a friend of mine telling me about how Kane & Lynch: Dead Men was a good game. My recollection is hazy, but I believe this was around the time that the sequel, Kane & Lynch 2: Dog Days, had released. As soon as I find out who it was, I'm going to tear them a new one.
My problems with Kane & Lynch: Dead Men begin with the story. It's actually not a bad concept, although something I think was better explored in Grand Theft Auto IV and Grand Theft Auto V, in that you are a criminal trying to fix your life up for the better, but get reluctantly dragged into some bad stuff with some bad dudes. In this instance, you are broken out of jail during a prisoner transport, and forced to work for your former employers, the criminal syndicate known as The 7. Not sure why it's called that since you only ever see like 4 of them max, but that's besides the point. You're tasked with retrieving some macguffin that you stashed away before going to prison, or else they'll kill you and your estranged family. You're given a week to do it, and a handler; enter Lynch. The both of you (this is a co-op game after all) then travel across the world hunting down the suitcase that contains the mysterious macguffin, and then halfway through to exact your revenge.
I don't hate the story's core themes or concept, I just think it was poorly executed. The character models look like Play-Doh (which was par for the day), and the voice acting fairly low on the quality spectrum (also par for the day). It's a shame the movie adaptation got stuck in development hell and never went anywhere, because I think it would actually do well as a movie with wide audience appeal.
But then we have to talk about the combat in this game, and boy is it a doozey. The combat mechanics are all out of whack. The bullets barely go where you want them to, and grenades bounce around like they're made of rubber. The frag grenades are barely worth using, and the tear gas grenades literally useless. Just an excruciating time trying to actually play the game. If I went to the range and the guns shot like they do in this game, I'd never go back to that range again because clearly they're not taking proper care of the guns and I don't want to get my head blown off from a malfunction.
So, the shooting is bad, but the aiming is worse. It's like Kane dipped his arms in molasses and then jammed them into a blender. The aiming in this game is dog ass slow as all hell, even with the sensitivity and acceleration cranked to their max values. Good luck with the on-rails sections towards the end. It also feels like this game has whatever the opposite of aim-assist is. Just an absolute miserable experience overall. I am glad that stealth is optional, that would have certainly gotten the game some points back in the day, but it doesn't do it any favors looking back.
There's not really much else to say, it's a short romp of a game with bad shooting, bad aiming, bad voice acting, poor writing, bad graphics, etc. etc. I imagine it's fun to play and complain about with a friend while drunk or high, but otherwise I cannot recommend enough that you absolutely avoid playing this game today. It has not aged well at all, and I am obliged to say this: Jeff Gerstmann did not deserve to get fired over his review.
My problems with Kane & Lynch: Dead Men begin with the story. It's actually not a bad concept, although something I think was better explored in Grand Theft Auto IV and Grand Theft Auto V, in that you are a criminal trying to fix your life up for the better, but get reluctantly dragged into some bad stuff with some bad dudes. In this instance, you are broken out of jail during a prisoner transport, and forced to work for your former employers, the criminal syndicate known as The 7. Not sure why it's called that since you only ever see like 4 of them max, but that's besides the point. You're tasked with retrieving some macguffin that you stashed away before going to prison, or else they'll kill you and your estranged family. You're given a week to do it, and a handler; enter Lynch. The both of you (this is a co-op game after all) then travel across the world hunting down the suitcase that contains the mysterious macguffin, and then halfway through to exact your revenge.
I don't hate the story's core themes or concept, I just think it was poorly executed. The character models look like Play-Doh (which was par for the day), and the voice acting fairly low on the quality spectrum (also par for the day). It's a shame the movie adaptation got stuck in development hell and never went anywhere, because I think it would actually do well as a movie with wide audience appeal.
But then we have to talk about the combat in this game, and boy is it a doozey. The combat mechanics are all out of whack. The bullets barely go where you want them to, and grenades bounce around like they're made of rubber. The frag grenades are barely worth using, and the tear gas grenades literally useless. Just an excruciating time trying to actually play the game. If I went to the range and the guns shot like they do in this game, I'd never go back to that range again because clearly they're not taking proper care of the guns and I don't want to get my head blown off from a malfunction.
So, the shooting is bad, but the aiming is worse. It's like Kane dipped his arms in molasses and then jammed them into a blender. The aiming in this game is dog ass slow as all hell, even with the sensitivity and acceleration cranked to their max values. Good luck with the on-rails sections towards the end. It also feels like this game has whatever the opposite of aim-assist is. Just an absolute miserable experience overall. I am glad that stealth is optional, that would have certainly gotten the game some points back in the day, but it doesn't do it any favors looking back.
There's not really much else to say, it's a short romp of a game with bad shooting, bad aiming, bad voice acting, poor writing, bad graphics, etc. etc. I imagine it's fun to play and complain about with a friend while drunk or high, but otherwise I cannot recommend enough that you absolutely avoid playing this game today. It has not aged well at all, and I am obliged to say this: Jeff Gerstmann did not deserve to get fired over his review.