Ape Quest could be most succinctly described as a goofy turn-based RPG with hints of Mario Party. The problem with describing it that way is that it implies there's at least a hint of good gameplay involved. That is not the case.

The three Apetrons (Pipotrons, for you real Ape Escape lovers) have escaped from their cursed seal and are wreaking havoc on the Toqsica Kingdom. As the king's son, players are tasked with traversing three continents - divided into three separate chapters - in order to defeat the trio and bring peace to the land. Vanquish foes, complete quests, take on dungeons, and meet many an ape on a journey to upgrade your equipment and abilities.

The gameplay of Ape Quest can be divided into three main game states: Traversal, turn-based combat, and minigames.

Traversal is a slog. In place of free range of motion, players simply choose between preset paths to get from A to B. Looking towards a path shows how many spaces must be traversed, each step armed with the chance for a minigame, battle, or random event - with red paths denoting an increased difficulty in these potential encounters. Set pieces are sparse and the three continents are generally a gross mess of grass, sand and lava textures - a great incentive to put your PSP down and look at something else while your character automatically moves forward... slowly...

This system would serve the game well if there were any semblance of decision making, but it entirely boils down to red paths being shorter than blue. An easy decision for any well-equipped player who doesn't want to play more of the godawful minigames or fight the same enemies over and over.

Putting aside bosses and elemental modifiers, there are three enemies you will encounter in this game, all of which are some variation of a skeleton holding a weapon. Combat is boring and uninspired. Attack enemies, use techniques, heal with one of many healing potions found along the way. The only interesting thing in the combat sections is the option to spend money to call in the Ape Team, which unleashes a flurry of attacks from every vendor the player's interacted with. Unfortunately, doing so results in a long series of animations, which makes battles last far too long even on the epilepsy-inducing fast battle speed. Mashing the X button to attack tends to be the most painless option.

Mind you, players can only hope to waste their time on battles. The alternative is playing one of a dozen or so minigames. These include things like balancing on a rope with the dpad, deflecting arrows with a shield, or jumping across falling rocks to reach the top of a chasm. Nothing screams "Ape Escape" like timing your jumps to avoid a bouncing boulder. There are a few that stand out as particularly goofy - like waddling to the next unoccupied portable toilet without pooping your monkey trousers - but these mostly serve as a reminder that this game is part of a franchise that's supposed to be charming.

If this game were simply a soul-less Ape Escape RPG, it could at least be written off as... that. And make no mistake, it is that, but even the unique mechanics of Ape Quest paint a worse picture. A perfect example of this is how players are tasked with upgrading equipment. It's not likely to find a killer weapon in the wild, but players will find themselves amassing piles of mid-tier spears and swords. The true path to one-shotting enemies is through the Smithy system, in which players spend tickets to combine two of their pieces of equipment. The catch? Dice rolls. What a player gets out of combining equipment is influenced by what they choose to amalgamate, but is ultimately left to random chance. Can't beat the final boss? Players can feel free to combine their two best weapons into something marginally worse. Back to the grind!

And the bosses... It would be a blessing in disguise if all of these were regular combat encounters, but unfortunately the majority of them are real-time combat minigames - with most of those being 2D platforming fights. These are all required and tend to lean towards laughably easy. Dodge telegraphed attacks and whittle away health with arrows. Best not lose, or it's back to the nearest town for another trek through minigame hell.

I've given this game more thought than it deserves. There's so many baffling decisions. Players have to spend money to unlock the music of each continent - it just plays the drums otherwise. Sometimes instead of a minigame you get stopped by an ape that asks you a random question, gives you nothing and leaves. A welcomed encounter, but still a confusing one.

Ape Quest is not a good game. Beyond the lifeless world, forgettable characters, and languid pacing - even beyond the game being unequivocally not fun - it's simply void of anything that makes Ape Escape such a wonderful franchise. That name being attached to this is what truly makes this banana rotten.