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The hero of videogames - our 1-UP Boy - appropriated into the world of sloppy, accidental 80s platformers. Mario can be anything, and here he proves that includes "a bit shit".

Super Mario Land plays like a joke aimed towards anyone who's ever felt something significant about a Mario game. When you get a Starman - the McGuffin of Universal Pictures' current megahit - it plays kitty kitty cancan. You idiot. You fool. They should have packed dunce caps in every box.

In territories where the NES/Famicom never really took off, this game served as many peoples' introduction to Mario, subsequently inspiring many people to either get really into Tetris or submit fanart to Sega Power of Sonic and Tails commanding a firing squad against the man. This is the game Sega thought they were up against when they made Alex Kidd.

Once you swallow the bitter medicine, get the Galaxy and World out of your head and start viewing this in the context of stupid old platformers like Dangerous Dave and B.C.'s Quest for Tyres, you can start to appreciate what Mario Land has to offer. A game with sphinxes who turn around on the spot when you run past them, and big bouncing flies. OH! DAISY

Is it any wonder that Shigeru Miyamoto personally commissioned the tie-in rap single and had the music video shot in Chessington World of Adventures? Hip Tanaka's soundtrack's a stone cold groove, man. The shift to minor chords on the third bar of 2-1 before the resolve? That's fear and romance. That's adventure. Beauty itself. What better accompaniment for jumping over firebreathing seahorses?

There's something enjoyably pathetic about the Superball. How it bounces off the ground, one step from Mario, and uselessly flies off into the air forever. Yes, it has unique utility, but those flubbed shots are very funny. The ozone layer over Sarasaland cluttered with petrol station footballs. Seeing them bounce around uselessly in the bonus rooms while the universally-recognised "look at this fucking idiot" themesong plays is grade A stuff.

The shmup levels interject themselves into the game just to reassure you there's no interest in making an actual Mario game, here. They're more welcome than SMB1's water levels, and the goatbleat sound effect when you shoot the bosses is a lot of fun.

The game feels horrible. Enemy hitboxes are fuckin' anywhere, and you drop like a rock when you let go of the d-pad. There is no chance the game would be elevated above a Sunsoft cartoon license if not for the fondness gamers have for the jumping man. It does retain a funny charm, though. Where else are you going to see Mario fight against jiangshi? All fans have to subject themselves to this 40 minute running time, and see how that distorts their impression of The Children's Hero. Nintendo are too embarassed to put this on NSO and have players compare it to Jelly Boy, and honestly, I sympathise with them. It's probably right that new audiences will have to go digging before they can play this version of Mario.

You have to, though. "There ain't no place like Super Mario Land."

Reviewed on Apr 17, 2023


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