Grand Theft Auto is a top-down... thing. It's a driving game. A shooter. An early open world title. It sparked the beginning of a global phenomenon and helped raise what was once considered one of the greatest development studios in the world to prominence.

It's also crap. It's crap now and I can almost guarantee it was probably considered crap in '97, but I was but a wee lad in 1997 and was more concerned with trivial matters like being fed from a bottle and having my bottom cleaned - which is how I intend to go out in 2097, by the way.

GTA takes place across three cities: Liberty City, Vice City, and San Andreas. If all of these sound familiar it's because they were done extremely well in 3D and do not work in a 2D environment. Repetitive missions, nightmarish cutscenes and an often confusing map layout lead to not a whole lot of fun. GTA is a curiosity. DMA Design used the British press so well to generate controversy and sales for a game that, to a modern audience, seems remarkably tame. The gore is cartoonish, the existence of a dedicated fart button is wild, and the driving... the driving is dogshit. The gameplay itself is actually insufferable.

Get me outta here. How about they do a game set in London in 1969 next?