WHERE'S THE REST OF THE GAME
In Stick of Truth and Fractured Asshole, you're hurled from grand setpiece to grand setpiece. GIANT NAZI ZOMBIE FETUSES. TRAVELING THROUGH TIME WITH THE POWER OF FARTS. SHRINKING DOWN TO BATTLE UNDER YOUR PARENTS AS THEY FUCK. Fuck YES.
In Snow Day, you begin in a grassy field covered in snow. Then, you travel to a grassy field covered in snow. BEFORE GOING TO WAR WITH KYLE, STANDING OFF IN A GRAND BATTLE FOR THE AGES IN a grassy field covered in snow. Ehhh maybe I'm not being fair. A TRAIN. I SAW A TRAIN AT ONE POINT. It didn't do anything but THERE WAS LIKE HALF OF A TRAIN KINDA STICKING OUT OF THE GRASS AND SNOW LET'S FUCKING GO WOOOOOOO
What's square, the attack button and square all over? SQUARE, THE ATTACK BUTTON, THAT YOU'LL BE EXCLUSIVELY PRESSING EVERY GODDAMN BATTLE. I accidentally pressed L2 at one point, triggering my ranged weapon. It did barely any damage. I went back to mashing square.
EVEN THE CUSTOMISATION. Do I want a hoodie with no colour whatsoever, or a hoodie with colour... WITH THE WORD “SNOWBOARD” ON IN THE BIGGEST FONT THEY COULD FIND. Now I gotta pretend to be passionate about snowboarding everywhere I go. I've never even snowboarded. I HAVEN'T EVEN TOUCHED SNOW SINCE 2017. Well I have now, IT'S ALL THIS GAME HAS.
And while shopping, THE CHARACTERS. DO NOT. SHUT THE FUCK UP. Despite you only being in the shop for 20 seconds because there's five t-shirts to browse, you WILL hear Tweek and Craig say the same joke three times consecutively.
BUT THEN THE CHARACTERS GOT NOTHING WHEN YOU ACTUALLY WANT JOKES FROM THEM. There you are, slogging through the grassiest, snowiest field you've ever seen, in DEAD SILENCE like the past 20 minutes, and OH SHIT! CARTMAN'S ABOUT TO SAY SOMETHING. YOU'RE ABOUT TO FEEL SOMETHING FOR THE FIRST TIME IN AN HOUR. “Remember you can press R1 to put down a healing totem”...
This game is the most early 2000s licensed PS2 game of all time. It's not as bad as you've probably heard, it's perfectly FINE… but just watch the cutscenes on YouTube dude.
In Stick of Truth and Fractured Asshole, you're hurled from grand setpiece to grand setpiece. GIANT NAZI ZOMBIE FETUSES. TRAVELING THROUGH TIME WITH THE POWER OF FARTS. SHRINKING DOWN TO BATTLE UNDER YOUR PARENTS AS THEY FUCK. Fuck YES.
In Snow Day, you begin in a grassy field covered in snow. Then, you travel to a grassy field covered in snow. BEFORE GOING TO WAR WITH KYLE, STANDING OFF IN A GRAND BATTLE FOR THE AGES IN a grassy field covered in snow. Ehhh maybe I'm not being fair. A TRAIN. I SAW A TRAIN AT ONE POINT. It didn't do anything but THERE WAS LIKE HALF OF A TRAIN KINDA STICKING OUT OF THE GRASS AND SNOW LET'S FUCKING GO WOOOOOOO
What's square, the attack button and square all over? SQUARE, THE ATTACK BUTTON, THAT YOU'LL BE EXCLUSIVELY PRESSING EVERY GODDAMN BATTLE. I accidentally pressed L2 at one point, triggering my ranged weapon. It did barely any damage. I went back to mashing square.
EVEN THE CUSTOMISATION. Do I want a hoodie with no colour whatsoever, or a hoodie with colour... WITH THE WORD “SNOWBOARD” ON IN THE BIGGEST FONT THEY COULD FIND. Now I gotta pretend to be passionate about snowboarding everywhere I go. I've never even snowboarded. I HAVEN'T EVEN TOUCHED SNOW SINCE 2017. Well I have now, IT'S ALL THIS GAME HAS.
And while shopping, THE CHARACTERS. DO NOT. SHUT THE FUCK UP. Despite you only being in the shop for 20 seconds because there's five t-shirts to browse, you WILL hear Tweek and Craig say the same joke three times consecutively.
BUT THEN THE CHARACTERS GOT NOTHING WHEN YOU ACTUALLY WANT JOKES FROM THEM. There you are, slogging through the grassiest, snowiest field you've ever seen, in DEAD SILENCE like the past 20 minutes, and OH SHIT! CARTMAN'S ABOUT TO SAY SOMETHING. YOU'RE ABOUT TO FEEL SOMETHING FOR THE FIRST TIME IN AN HOUR. “Remember you can press R1 to put down a healing totem”...
This game is the most early 2000s licensed PS2 game of all time. It's not as bad as you've probably heard, it's perfectly FINE… but just watch the cutscenes on YouTube dude.