WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

The game opens with a recreation of my favourite scene from the film, where Indy DESCENDS FROM HEAVEN ON THE METAL PRONGS OF A CONSTRUCTION SCISSOR LIFT

You then roam brown. Like literally the entire screen is just the colour brown, and sometimes blue. Here's a block, is it meant to be a tree, equippable tool or death pit? Ah, it's a gun. This block right next to it is a death pit however.

When you shoot the gun, some bullets come out. When you use your whip, some bullets come out... you fucking what mate. You couldn't just have a line as the whip? Why is the whip bullets? I know the game's capable of lines, EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE GAME IS ONE

A new room, let's look around to- ah, touching this wall kills you, none of the other walls up to this point have but this one does. Oh and touching this wall kills you too, so just don't touch any of the walls in this room, got it...

You'll never imagine how you progress in this room. You'll never imagine what you have to touch in this room. YOU'LL NEVER IMAGINE YOU HAVE TO WALK INTO ONE OF THE WALLS IN THIS ROOM, ONE OF THE WALLS THAT LOOKS IDENTICAL TO ALL THE OTHER WALLS, ALL THE OTHER WALLS THAT INSTAKILL YOU IF YOU TOUCH THEM JUST WALK INTO THIS SPECIFIC WALL TO ADVANCE WE WON'T INDICATE WHICH ONE THOUGH WHY'D YOU WALK INTO ONE OF THE OTHER ONES GET SENT ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE START OF THE GAME MAKE IT ALL THE WAY BACK OOPS WRONG WALL AGAIN YOU DENSE MOTHERFUCKER BACK TO THE START CONSTRUCTION SCISSOR LIFT TIME WEEEEEE FUCK YOU

Reviewed on Mar 31, 2024


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