BEST THEME SONG IN THEME SONG HISTORY HOLY FUCK. THE SICKEST ELECTRIC GUITAR BASSLINE YOU'LL EVER HEAR IMMEDIATELY TELLS YOU YOU'RE ABOUT TO PLAY THE HARDEST FUCKING PSP GAME EVER, STEP ASIDE BALLSACKBOY. ESCALATED INTO THIS DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL EXPLOSION TO ESTABLISH THE GRAND SCOPE YOU'VE COME TO EXPECT FROM ROCKSTAR, BEFORE ADDING THAT MAFIA UNDERWORLD FLAIR BY TRANSITIONING INTO THE MOST ITALIAN SOUNDING ASS MELODY OF ALL TIME, I GOT CHUNKS OF MEATBALLS LODGED IN MY PSP'S D-PAD I'M COMPLETELY ERECT
And then the game loads and you're playing as the lamest fucking dork in creative writing history lmao YOU PLAY AS THE GUY WHO STILL SUCKS HIS MUM'S TITTIES AT AGE 40 COME ON. Toni Cipriani is the type of guy to browse old Internet forums from 1992 about his passion for scrapbooking
Which really sums this game up. It's got everything you'd expect from a GTA classic - the fast paced gameplay, epic setpieces, amusing satirical undertones - but with core DNA that's just slightly less captivating than the others. I enjoy it in the moment, but I can only remember like three missions a year later. It's your standard GTA missions you've done a million times. They're fun, but the game lacks an identity. It's forgettable.
Also, the soundtrack MUST have been organised by a deaf guy, IT SUCKS ASS WHAT IS THIS. GTA III's soundtrack mostly consisted of lesser known artists because they had a tight music budget, so this game intentionally does the same as a callback to those days... BUT YOU CAN USE ARTISTS THAT COST MORE THAN $5.
The rap station sounds like how my grandmother hears rap music. The pop station somehow found pop fluff more forgettable than what's on actual pop stations. Reggae. All reggae is terrible and reggae's in this game.
The worst 3D GTA, which says more about the quality of the others rather than necessarily the quality of this, because this game still fucking FUCKS
And then the game loads and you're playing as the lamest fucking dork in creative writing history lmao YOU PLAY AS THE GUY WHO STILL SUCKS HIS MUM'S TITTIES AT AGE 40 COME ON. Toni Cipriani is the type of guy to browse old Internet forums from 1992 about his passion for scrapbooking
Which really sums this game up. It's got everything you'd expect from a GTA classic - the fast paced gameplay, epic setpieces, amusing satirical undertones - but with core DNA that's just slightly less captivating than the others. I enjoy it in the moment, but I can only remember like three missions a year later. It's your standard GTA missions you've done a million times. They're fun, but the game lacks an identity. It's forgettable.
Also, the soundtrack MUST have been organised by a deaf guy, IT SUCKS ASS WHAT IS THIS. GTA III's soundtrack mostly consisted of lesser known artists because they had a tight music budget, so this game intentionally does the same as a callback to those days... BUT YOU CAN USE ARTISTS THAT COST MORE THAN $5.
The rap station sounds like how my grandmother hears rap music. The pop station somehow found pop fluff more forgettable than what's on actual pop stations. Reggae. All reggae is terrible and reggae's in this game.
The worst 3D GTA, which says more about the quality of the others rather than necessarily the quality of this, because this game still fucking FUCKS