What a piece of shit video game.
I'm actually giving this a serious review or at least the points why I hate it so much.
The first reason: This game has probably the BIGGEST potential out there.
Setting + graphics are insane, the atmosphere is good, it's a funny idea to play in co-op.
But then, there are SO MANY downsides:
1. Game fucks newbies actively
As a newbie, the game goes like "get fucked you asshole!" because it doesn't tell you anything. You play a "tutorial" that tells you 3 things that don't help you at all while you're playing.
2. The questlog is a shit-show.
3. No guidance at all
There is no story, no reason to play, no guidance. You just get thrown in there like "Here's a boat, try it."
But then there are 30 merchants, a town, different "missions" and tools. And you are sitting there like "What is the purpose? Why do I have... What?! Why is..."
There is no reason to play it, which brings me to my final point.
4. FUCK THIS GAMEPLAY
The "Sea of Thieves" experience goes like the following. You are getting on a boat. Okay. Then you're sailing out to the sea and you're pursuing a "quest". This quest being a "Go there, bring a chest, get back"-entry mission. Okay, let's go there, kill 3 skeletons and head back. Okay, sounds cool.
Then you're doing this again, and again, and again. The first 3-5 hours are 30-40 minutes of "sailing", which is standing on a boat looking at the water. Then you're looting an island for 5 minutes and you go back to the outpost where you got the quest. So it's 60-80 minutes of waiting and 5 minutes of "doing something". Cool. GREAT GAMEPLAY!
But hey, this isn't even the best part, you asshole video game. No, because the BEST PART is... You play this shitshow for 80 minutes and go back to the outpost, then a team of experienced assholes joins your way, spams "AHOI!" or "AYE!" into the chat and then they're like "EAT SHIT YOU LITTLE ASSHOLES HERE FUCK YOUR ASS WITH THIS BURNING GRENADES, YOU FUCKS!". Then they just completely penetrate your inner organs with weapons you haven't even heard of on a ship that is bigger than everything and you and your little asshole boat get fucked that hardly in the ass that you spawn in heaven and go back through a green door and get spawned on the piece of shit boat again just to be killed again and WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS GAME!?
I hate this experience so much, you wouldn't believe it. This is no fun at all. And the sad thing is, that it would be a great coop-experience if you just had a little pirating game with a story, cool opponents, no online-bullshit except you want to have it, an immersive world like in Skyrim and boom... Game of the year.
But like this, this game sucks Dennis Rodman's dick. 24/7. While it's getting fucked from behind by Kim Jong-Un.
What a shitshow.
I'm actually giving this a serious review or at least the points why I hate it so much.
The first reason: This game has probably the BIGGEST potential out there.
Setting + graphics are insane, the atmosphere is good, it's a funny idea to play in co-op.
But then, there are SO MANY downsides:
1. Game fucks newbies actively
As a newbie, the game goes like "get fucked you asshole!" because it doesn't tell you anything. You play a "tutorial" that tells you 3 things that don't help you at all while you're playing.
2. The questlog is a shit-show.
3. No guidance at all
There is no story, no reason to play, no guidance. You just get thrown in there like "Here's a boat, try it."
But then there are 30 merchants, a town, different "missions" and tools. And you are sitting there like "What is the purpose? Why do I have... What?! Why is..."
There is no reason to play it, which brings me to my final point.
4. FUCK THIS GAMEPLAY
The "Sea of Thieves" experience goes like the following. You are getting on a boat. Okay. Then you're sailing out to the sea and you're pursuing a "quest". This quest being a "Go there, bring a chest, get back"-entry mission. Okay, let's go there, kill 3 skeletons and head back. Okay, sounds cool.
Then you're doing this again, and again, and again. The first 3-5 hours are 30-40 minutes of "sailing", which is standing on a boat looking at the water. Then you're looting an island for 5 minutes and you go back to the outpost where you got the quest. So it's 60-80 minutes of waiting and 5 minutes of "doing something". Cool. GREAT GAMEPLAY!
But hey, this isn't even the best part, you asshole video game. No, because the BEST PART is... You play this shitshow for 80 minutes and go back to the outpost, then a team of experienced assholes joins your way, spams "AHOI!" or "AYE!" into the chat and then they're like "EAT SHIT YOU LITTLE ASSHOLES HERE FUCK YOUR ASS WITH THIS BURNING GRENADES, YOU FUCKS!". Then they just completely penetrate your inner organs with weapons you haven't even heard of on a ship that is bigger than everything and you and your little asshole boat get fucked that hardly in the ass that you spawn in heaven and go back through a green door and get spawned on the piece of shit boat again just to be killed again and WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS GAME!?
I hate this experience so much, you wouldn't believe it. This is no fun at all. And the sad thing is, that it would be a great coop-experience if you just had a little pirating game with a story, cool opponents, no online-bullshit except you want to have it, an immersive world like in Skyrim and boom... Game of the year.
But like this, this game sucks Dennis Rodman's dick. 24/7. While it's getting fucked from behind by Kim Jong-Un.
What a shitshow.
Joj_Snoj
5 months ago