Sonic Adventure is a 10-hour fever dream. The batshit insane story feels like it was written by a 7-year-old, the cutscenes are straight-up unhinged and the dub... HOW IS THE DUB THIS ATROCIOUS. And that's without even mentioning how horrible it is to play. Sonic running at 900 MPH is great in theory but it means navigating a tricky course is like trying to guide a turbo-powered sports car through a china shop and there's a 2-hour segment of the story dedicated entirely to a maddening fishing mini-game that feels like it was tested for a couple of minutes before Sonic Team was like, "that shit's fire. Ship the game."
It's broken, it's tedious, it's straight-up hideous and I absolutely treasured my time playing it. Listen. This isn't a good game. To be straight with you, it's actually an awful game. But it's unintentionally an absolute masterpiece. In what other game will you cut between a storyline about a giant purple cat that keeps losing his frog (who, as you may have guessed, is possessed by the spirit of an ancient water demon) to the tale of a robot bred for war that turns his back on his creator, destroys his robotic brothers and sacrifices himself to defend a family of small birds that taught him the beauty of sentience. THAT'S RIGHT. NONE.
I played this entire thing and I loved every stupid second of it. Sonic being an arrogant monster that's borderline narcissistic; Tails showing he's the embodiment of capitalistic greed by deciding to put a chaos emerald (you know, the source of unlimited power that could be used to power entire cities) in the back of his shitty biplane; Amy pulling her hilarious terrified face at the incorrect times because the animations messed up. The entire thing is just this symphony of bewildering nonsense and I'm so sad it's over. What I wouldn't give to watch one more agonizingly long animation of a character slowly walking a few steps forward during a cutscene for literally no reason at all...
It's broken, it's tedious, it's straight-up hideous and I absolutely treasured my time playing it. Listen. This isn't a good game. To be straight with you, it's actually an awful game. But it's unintentionally an absolute masterpiece. In what other game will you cut between a storyline about a giant purple cat that keeps losing his frog (who, as you may have guessed, is possessed by the spirit of an ancient water demon) to the tale of a robot bred for war that turns his back on his creator, destroys his robotic brothers and sacrifices himself to defend a family of small birds that taught him the beauty of sentience. THAT'S RIGHT. NONE.
I played this entire thing and I loved every stupid second of it. Sonic being an arrogant monster that's borderline narcissistic; Tails showing he's the embodiment of capitalistic greed by deciding to put a chaos emerald (you know, the source of unlimited power that could be used to power entire cities) in the back of his shitty biplane; Amy pulling her hilarious terrified face at the incorrect times because the animations messed up. The entire thing is just this symphony of bewildering nonsense and I'm so sad it's over. What I wouldn't give to watch one more agonizingly long animation of a character slowly walking a few steps forward during a cutscene for literally no reason at all...