This Review is entirely biased by a very personal impact that I have been meaning to put into words, so this review more then anything, is a love letter to this game.

Its 2021, and I am down on my luck, college drop out, father passed away, and fired from work. I am on the edge of falling back in to bad habits, and dropping any of my wishes to move out of my at the time shitty home.

I am spending Christmas alone again, my father died a few years back, who I used to spend it with, and I never really got along with family besides the old man. As a kid, each night before I went to sleep, he told me the stories of King Arthur, a story I somewhat misguidedly looked up to, wanting to be like the king, not understanding the ramifications of it.

Either way, I follow that ideal; being a leader, building a community, and not really thinking about the deep responsibility of being a figure people need to be able to rely on or that people will come to hate you for being such a person.

Anyway; I am spending Christmas alone, I buy ace combat 7 to kill time; fell in love in an instant, and ended up getting the rest of the games. After playing through 4 and 5, I finally got to Zero; and I never expected the game to change me the way it did. I was now at the same point in life, but my ''friends'' of the time had left me cause they had their own issues. My whole leadership fantasy had fallen apart, and I failed to see the value in the people who were still around me.

And in comes a game about a pilot who falls into the role of King Arthur, the figure I had been chasing to be like for the years since my father died, thinking it would fix me; that it would fulfill and replace the grief I had, the anger I had for my shitty childhood, and more.

I didn't really have a idea as to why I was here, why I survived living on the streets, why I survived abuse, why I even fought; I was lost. But Ace Combat was for a good while something that just, kept my mind of it all; and then finally, with my heart at ease, Ace Combat Zero directly confronted the destructive path I found myself on.

I time and time again did actions, based on others their dreams and ideals, but never my own; Cipher does the same. Cipher just follows the needs of the allied forces; aimlessly, a weapon pointed at others, with no one really caring for who they are, what their dreams or ideals are. Besides Pixy, but even then; you continue your path of violence. No matter what you tell yourself; you're just a merc, a soldier, or doing this for the cause as a knight; the point stands, you arent fighting for yourself. You never stop to ask what world you are protecting.

And then your buddy leaves you for those actions; he lost faith in you, and the world as a whole, and begrudgingly leaves you in the dust. Ace Combat Zero from here on, after Pixy leaves, takes on a new tone; the reason you are doing things becomes less and less clear, as the enemy has already given up, and now you're fighting the faction your friend went of to; cause you just cant end this cycle of following whatever order you're given.

But the comfort of just following orders, putting down enemy after enemy whilst being praised for it is now twisted on you. You're seen as a monster, one of you're own making. And you're confronted with doubt.

And then there is the final confrontation.

Pixy, you former ally; asks, ''found your reason to fight yet?'' and it all dawned on me then and there; I hadn't. I had never thought for a second what *I* wanted, stuck in just this idea of surviving, and scrapping by. And now, the game asks me to defend the world; and for what? Pixy himself asks you what this world even has to offer besides pain. But there I began thinking, why would I want to stop v2? Why do I want to refuse the idea of being on the same coin as Pixy? And it all dawned on me that I didn't want to be a hero, or some big leader who was going to amount to something larger then life.

I just wanted to live; that, was my reason to fight. I had come this far, and I did not want my life to end in the shitty situation I was in, and neither did I want that for Cipher, a silent protagonist who I had found myself projecting on a little too much.

So I defeat Pixy, I am now looking over a peaceful horizon; but I didn't really know at that second what I wanted to do; how I was going to fix it. But then Pixy talked about trust. "The world won't change unless we trust people. Trust is vital for a peaceful world-- I may not find what I'm looking for, but I still wanna try."
And it all clicked. I hadn't found my ability yet to trust people again, or to dare to go into the unknown to try look for a better life. I was scared to improve, thinking I would lose myself.

And then in the end, Pixy asked ''Still alive?'' as I am already crying, and I realised how far I had come; how strong I really was for the things I went through and still was able to stand and talk about them. In the end, Cipher vanishes from history. And a year later, I did the same.

I went to the other side of the country, and began living life on my own terms. I have never been happier; I am finally forming into the person I wanted to be. Not a false dream, but for once just living in the real world. I survived. And perhaps that is my answer.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2atlpj7AGXU&ab_channel=AceCombatFan