This is probably the most deranged criticism I've ever leveled against a game, but it feels like this game was designed by people who didn't love Beat em Ups enough.

It's just bizarre to play a game that feels like it wants nothing.

I sure do want something tho, and that is to rip this game open, drain all its visuals out into an abandoned olympic sized swimming pool, and swim in it until I am a ball of wrinkled skin wrapped around hollowed bones.